Tuesday, 11 October 2016

Breaking News

"Things have been breaking all around
me." - Fanta.
Hello Everyone,

Things have been breaking all around me this week.

It started with my harness.  It just fell apart while I was taking Mum for her walk. Mum put it back together, and put it back on me, but it just broke again.

Eventually, Mum just bought me a new one. It's pink, and pretty, so that's nice, and I can still take Mum for her morning walk.  (If I didn't have a harness on, I couldn't hang on to the lead that I use to keep Mum close.  She could get lost or anything without the lead.)

A coupe of days later I went up to Mr D, quite upset.  He asked why I didn't have my collar on.

I showed him my beautiful pink sparkly collar was on the ground.  The buckle broke and it fell off.  I don't know how that happened.  I love my collar.

Right now I've got the old brown one with the nasty spikes on, but it's going to be all right.

Mum contacted the man who made my pretty collar.  He says if Mum posts the collar back to him, he will put a new, stronger, buckle on it. He also said I'm the first dog to ever break the buckle on one of the collars he makes.

The collar will be in the post tomorrow, Mum promises.

I didn't mean to break it, really.  I don't even know how it happened.  It just fell off and it was broken.

I've been around breaking things before, but it's not usually my things.

Hopefully next week, nothing will break.

Licks and tail wags,

Miss Fantasia Dog.
(You can call me Fanta.)

Sunday, 4 September 2016

Sorry, No Photos

Mum didn't take photos.

Mum was making breakfast, when Bumpy came in with a live bird.

Mum dropped everything and chased Bumpy, who ran to the studio, closely followed by Fanta.  Mum shut the door to the hallway, to contain the chaos, then chased Bumpy around the studio.  Mum caught Bumpy, who let go of the bird.

The bird flew to the top of the art supplies cupboard, with Fanta following closely.

Fanta tried to jump at the bird, which decided to fly much further - circled the room with Fanta and now Bumpy both giving chase then went through to the laundry, followed by animals.  Mum closed the door between the studio and the laundry so the bird wouldn't go back that way and opened the back door.  The bird saw freedom, and flew straight out and landed in a tree.

Fanta and Bumpy both ran out to the yard. Bumpy to sit under the tree and look menacingly at the bird, Fanta to run around and around for no apparent reason.

Mum went back inside and considered locking the animal door and leaving them all out (but didn't).

In the hallway, she met a half-awake Percy who was coming to find out what had been going on.

Mum told him he'd missed everything, so Percy went out to find his morning patch of sunlight instead.

During all of this, Mum, being a human and not very bright, completely failed to get the camera and take photos for the readers of mrbumpycat.com.

Mr Bumpy would like to point out that he did not break the "no corpses in the house" rule.

Friday, 2 September 2016

You Can't Wear That!

Miss Fantasia:  Er Mum, you're not really going out like that are you?

Mum: It's fancy dress. I'm a donkey.

Sir Percival: Mum's an animal? Hilarious.

Sir Percival: Whoops! I almost fell off the chair!

Mr Bumpy: Ha ha! Percy, you're almost as funny as Mum!

Miss Fantasia: Sometimes I worry about my family.

Friday, 26 August 2016

Lucky Guess

Mum: Been having a nice roll in the dirt and grass, have you?

Mr Bumpy: Why yes, I found a lovely sunny spot to roll in. But however did you know?

Mum: Just a lucky guess.

Mr Bumpy: I hope she's not psychic.  There's too much I don't want her to know.

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

In the Back Yard

Mr Bumpy: So, Percy, now you've got back yard privileges, do you want to me to show you how to get around the "cat proofing" and escape the yard?

Sir Percival: Oh no Bumps, old fellow.  That would only make the servants worry. We can't have that. Noblesse Oblige and all that.

Miss Fantasia: See Bumpy, you're the only bad animal in this family.

Sir Percival: Fanta dear! Young ladies need to show a little more decorum! (Sigh.) How did I end up with a family like this?

Sunday, 14 August 2016

Shameless Self-Promotion

Settle in for story time.

This is me reading "Spring Cleaning" one of the short stories in my new book Patchwork.

Friday, 5 August 2016

Percy in the Great Outdoors

I've been granted backyard privileges,

on a trial basis.

This is great.

I can see the whole yard.

I think I'll go back to the couch now.