Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Mostly Harmless

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,
With Mr 20, I'm always loving,
and will relax for scratchies.

You might not know this, but I have more than one purrsonality.

When I'm with Mr 20, I'm always loving and cuddly.

I just love to be with him, and he can stroke me, cuddle me, brush me, or just sit with me. I don't care. As long as I'm with him, I'm a purrfectly happy, beautifully behaved cat.

I'll just relax for scratchies or any other attention for Mr 20.

When I'm with Mum, however, it's different.

Sometimes, I want to be her loving friend, and I'll lie on her lap and purr while she strokes me.

Sometimes, I take over the bed.

But at other times, a very different Mr Bumpy appears for Mum.

Sometimes Demanding Bumpy appears for Mum. I scratch and bite to get her to do things for me.

I'll claw her face or bite her nose to get her out of bed if I think she's sleeping in too long.

I'll sit on the back of the couch and claw her head if she hasn't given me my stinky fish on time.  She says my time for demanding stinky fish gets earlier each day, but I don't believe that.

If she moves when I'm comfortable on her, I'll grab on tight with my claws.

Mum says for her I'm just an evil cat.

For Baby Joey, I'm a different cat again.

I'm a very patient mentor for her.

I've been teaching her how to be a cat.  She does some things very well. She's good at playing with cat toys, and she wants to try Friskies (but mean old Mum keeps taking her away from them.)

So, if she drools a bit when she rubs her head on me, I quietly tolerate it.  After all, I'm the one who taught her that we greet each other with head bumps and head rubs.

If she grabs, or pushes too hard stroking me, I just quietly walk away.  I don't bite or scratch her.  She's still learning.

She'll be a great cat one day, that baby.  If only she'd stop walking around on just her back legs! (She'd started out on four legs, getting around very well, and then seemed to forget how to do it.)

When I'm out in the yard, I'm a big, brave, jungle cat.

Birds, and anything else that might invade my territory beware.  Nothing gets in the way of the king of the jungle.

I stalk, I hide, I pounce.

I am the expert at camouflage.

I am silent and deadly.

I am master of all I survey.

I rule my jungle kingdom with an iron claw. See me and tremble! Or worse, don't see me until it's too late to tremble.

In the garden, my true animal nature comes out.

So that's me. I'm a far more complicate cat than anyone normally realises.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Complicated Supreme Feline Overlord.

Tuesday, 29 July 2014


My new Swiss mouse from Zorro and Pixie
(the Swiss Cats).
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Well, my humans have come back.

Baby Joey's learned some new tricks while she was away.  She called out "Bump!" when she saw me, and showed me how she can stand up on her back legs all by herself.

I welcomed her home by having another try to teach her how to eat Friskies, but Mum imposed "Operation Kitchen Boarders" and turned her around before she could get to the dish.

My humans said they saw all sorts of amazing things in England.... but none of that really interests me.

Something that did interest me was that the Swiss Cats' Mum went to England at the same time and met my Mum.
Claire (Mum of Zorro and Pixie from Swiss Cat Blog) with
my Mum at the River Dee.

Claire, who is owned by Zorro and Pixie (from Swiss Cat Blog) took presents and Swiss treats for my humans, and for me.

The humans were greedy and ate all their treats in England.  Mum said Swiss chocolate was very good, but it wouldn't have been good for me.

My treat might have been very good, too. But I didn't get to find out. A mean man at Australian Customs took it away.  Apparently, bringing pet foods into Australia risks bringing in things that could be a problem for our plants or animals.

I'm sure I would have eaten my treats before they got a chance to be a problem to anyone, but I missed out anyway. When I take over the world, customs won't be allowed to confiscate treats that are meant for me.

Pixie and Zorro did send another gift for me with their Mum and I did get that... a brown furry toy mouse. It's very soft. Maybe mice are softer in Switzerland.  It really looks like a real mouse. Every time I walk past it, I have to stop and check if it's alive.

My catsitter told my humans that looking after me was like looking after a baby, because I insisted on having constant attention day and night.  Well, of course, I require constant attention!  I am the Supreme Feline Overlord after all. What's the point of being Overlord if my minions aren't constantly fawning over me?

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014


"I've got the passport.
Now what?" - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Apparently my blog won't be updated for a couple of weeks.

You see, my humans are going away without me.

I asked why I wasn't going and Mum said because I didn't have a passport.

Then I got a passport.  Mum took it off me and put it back in her bag.  She said I still couldn't go because I don't like new places.

She did say a human I know is going to stay here with me so I will be fed and not get lonely.

Even so, I know that all my readers will suffer terribly because they don't have any new adventures to read about for just over two weeks. I told mum that would be a cruel thing to do to my world-wide fanbase.

Mum said she was sure you would all survive.

So, if there are any complaints, send them to Mum.  I tried my best.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Saturday, 28 June 2014

More Than Pets

Humans are great tv remote operators.
(No, I wasn't watching The Wiggles
- Mum, why this photo?) - Mr Bumpy
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Well praise be to the Great Google, my blog didn't disappear. Google is very efficient.  It must be run by cats.

I was enjoying my Caturday today, and thinking about my humans. Yes, I know that's a silly thing to wast a Caturday thinking about. But Mr 21's away this weekend, and I was thinking about him, and how I chose him at the pet shop.

You see, I've had my humans so long, that I've realised I don't just think of them as pets any more.  Oh no, my humans are so much more than just pets now.

They are excellent cat beds. Best of all is to lie on a very soft, warm, blanket that's spread over a soft, warm, human.  That's just the thing on a cold winter morning.

My humans are also great waiters.  Mum really knows how to serve stinky fish - even though she's sometimes a bit slow to realise it's time to do it.

They're great television remote operators as well.  Yes, I am a bit of a couch potato, I do love watching my television shows. All very intellectually stimulating shows, of course.

A soft, warm blanket, on a soft, warm human makes the
very best cat bed for a cold winter morning. - Mr Bumpy.
Humans are very good at doing brushies, and pulling out prickles, and other odds and ends that make life just that little more comfortable.

They're also very good at er - sanitation - you know - litter tray duty.

Of course, humans are not very bright.  They have been known to take me to the v-e-t for a needle when I didn't want one, or to allow my Friskies dish to get empty. Being a very gracious Feline Overlord, I'm very forgiving. I only bite and scratch a little to remind them of whatever they have forgotten.

 Humans are also very good at things like going to the shops for my stinky fish and Friskies.  I don't know if you realise this, but I hate the car.  Fortunately, the humans take the car to do my shopping for me, so I don't have to do it.

So overall, I think my humans have become far more valuable to me than mere pets.  They're very useful servants.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 23 June 2014

If I Disappear

Quick  note:

Mum's had a message from Google saying if you don't do x-y-z today, mrbumpycat.com's domain registration will expire.

She'd thought she'd already done it. Now she's tried to follow the instructions in the email, and as far as she can see she had already done it. She's had a little melt-down and cried about Google being incomprehensible and doesn't know what to do next.


Hopefully on 1 July, nothing will happen to this site. (And Mum really will have done everything she was supposed to do.)

If it does disappear, you will still be able to find Mr Bumpy's adventures at the address of the old joke blog that Mr Bumpy took over....  www.not-to-be-taken-seriously.blogspot.com

Thursday, 19 June 2014

My Present

My new tag.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

As you know, I'm very happy living in my new home.

But you might not have realised that my new home is also very happy to have me.

In fact, the Ipswich City Council was so pleased to have such a famous bloggercat living here, that it gave me a special tag to say I belong here.

Yes, I'm official now. I have the tag to prove it. Mum had to go into the Council office for a special ceremony of some sort to get it.  I think it was a special ceremony.  Anyway she said she had to go to the Council office. Then she came back with my official Council tag.

I'm an official, honoured member of the community here.  I have a great red tag to prove it. Mum says I should wear it all the time.  I think I will, but not because she said so.  I'll wear it, because it proves how important I am.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Official Ipswich Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 9 June 2014

Starting Over

We've settled into our new
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I'm in my new home now.

We have kookaburras in our back yard, which is interesting.  I had a run-in with a kookaburra a couple of years ago which led to trips to the vet for both me and the kooka, so I'm a bit wary of them now.

Our back yard has two-metre high fences, which Mum says should keep me safe and secure.  I don't know about that.  But it is fun to jump up on top of the fence to sneak over it when Mum's not watching.

When we first got here, I heard sounds that made me think we had humans in our roof again.

Well, we've been here before. I wondered about these roof-dwelling humans for a little while, but then I discovered that I was able to go up the stairs. There's a door, but it was open and no-one stopped me.

Guess what I found out?

It's not just a roof. There's another whole house up there! (I wonder if there was a house in the roof of our last home. Maybe that's why there were humans living up there.)

But do you know what's even more amazing?  I know the humans in our roof now. Well, the humans in the house on top of our house.

It's Miss 22 and her husband and baby Joey!  That's right.  I have two homes now, on top of each other, with my humans in both of them.

Life just doesn't get any better than this. Two homes, and I'm overlord of both.  It's just purrfect!

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

History Repeats

I may not like moving, but I am kind of an expert at it.

This is me when we first moved in, showing Mum where to put things away.

Now here I am tonight, showing Mum the stuff she still has to pack.

I don't think the humans would manage at all without me to supervise them.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Oh No, Not Again!

The humans are putting all our things in
cardboard boxes.... this is never good.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

The humans are packing up all our things into boxes. This can only mean one thing. We're moving house... again!

Mum says this will be different.  This time it will be a forever home.

You might have thought I already had my forever home.  Well, ever since the day I chose Mr 20 at the pet shop, I've had my forever family. But we've moved house three times since then.

It's because we do a thing called renting.  (Not ratting, which I thought would be a lot of fun, except that Mum says I can't hunt rats who live in cages.)  Renting means you don't live there forever, you have to keep moving.

But now, Mum says this house we will own, just the way I own all my humans. She says she's never moving again after this, and I won't have to either.

That is good, but I do have a bit of a problem.

I have to move this one time.

I hate moving!  When we moved here, I was so upset, I spent the first night on top of the cupboard in the laundry and wouldn't even come down for a piece of grilled fish.

Mr 20 always looks after me very carefully when we move. And Mum says when we go to the new house he will do the same.  He comes with me the day before the removalists come, and we "camp" in the new house together, and I don't have to see strange people take all our things and put them on the truck.

Of course, I still see and hear them when they bring everything off the truck at the new house. Strangers, humans who aren't mine, will handle my stuff.  They won't know how important my jingle balls are, and how carefully they have to be moved.  They won't know that my cat-tree is where I do my spectacular climbing. They won't know my bed is for serious contemplation of the world and that it has to be looked after especially well.  And worst of all, even after they go, my stuff will smell like strangers for days.

As well as that, the new house won't feel like home at first. It will be a strange place. Even when all my stuff and my humans are there, it still won't feel right for ages.

Anyway, I'm going back to watching the humans very closely, even if Mr 20 has started calling me a "clingy cat."

You never know if they might forget a cat when they've got so much to do.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Slightly anxious Bloggercat,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Saturday, 26 April 2014

What Happened to Caturday?

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,
Caturday should be all about me!

Being an internet-savvy feline, I know that today is Caturday.

For the uninitiated, that means it's a day to celebrate me and everyone like me.

Caturday is supposed to be about catnip and cream, and furry purry cuteness.  I should be able to do anything I want.

So, I was slightly disappointed to go out into the yard today and find there were small humans out there.

Mum said: "It's Saturday, Bumpy, they're home from school. If you don't want to be with children, go back inside."

Well, really. Who was the silly person who scheduled a Saturday on Caturday?  It must have been a human.

I'm off to the man across the road's yard. He doesn't have children, and he doesn't go outside often enough to notice I'm there.

I'll be back on Monday, or at dinnertime, whichever comes first.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Disgruntled Bloggercat,
Supreme Feline Overlord