Tuesday, 15 December 2020

It's Curtains!

Mr Bumpy's Jurassic Ancestor.
(Or possibly just Mr B behind a curtain.)

We've had some really hot days already this summer. 

Our poor air conditioner was really having trouble keeping us cool.

Mum and Mr D put a curtain in the hallway, to keep the cool air in one part of the house so we had somewhere to be cool.

The curtain was too long, and Mum put the end up with safety pins. She said that would save us from standing on the curtain and pulling it down before she had time to sew it up properly.

I investigated of course,  but I got my head stuck where the curtain was folded up! I tried to get out and couldn't.

Eventually, Mr D heard me crying and rescued me.

When we told Mum about it, Mum said, "This is one of the reasons you are not allowed outside."

I wonder if that means outside is full of curtains for my head to get stuck in?

(Oh, I had my head stuck in a grocery bag today.  I was investigating the smells to see what Mum and Mr D bought. Mum said it was lucky we got groceries in paper bags.)

Then the other day, Mr D showed us a photo of a terrifying creature that was in the upstairs flat.

Mum said it might have been Mr Bumpy's Jurassic ancestor.  It looked so scary, even more scary that Bumpy himself. (And Bumpy always attacks me and tries to rip my throat out.  Luckily I have lots of fluff, and all he ever gets is a mouthful of fluff and a stern talking-to from Mum.)

I don't want Mr D to ever ever let that scary thing come downstairs where Fanta and I live.

 All in all, I think curtains are a very bad thing.  They trap unsuspecting cats, and they hide scary monsters. 

If you have curtains, be very careful around them. They are dangerous.

Princess Purrs

Sunday, 6 December 2020

It's All Fun and Games

I gently take the little cat toys off
the big cat toy.  - Princess
 Oh Christmas tree

Oh Christmas tree

Your ornaments are history

They're red when I gently make them fall

They're red when I roll them down the hall

Oh Christmas tree

Oh Christmas tree

Your ornaments are history.

Hello Everyone!

It's that time of year. The Christmas tree is back.

Last year I was just a baby and didn't really understand what it was.

This year I'm a big cat and I know.  It's a giant cat toy, that holds lots of little cat toys.  (Oh wait, is that what I thought it was last year? I was a very smart baby wasn't I?)

The idea of this game is to gently take the little toys off the big toy.  (If you knock the big toy over, you've done it wrong.) Then you can play with the little toy as long as you like.  When you forget where you left the little toy, it's time to go and get another one.

Isn't that a great game?  It's not my favourite game, though.

Would you like to know about my favourite game?

My favourite game is to go to a human and start crying as if something is very, very wrong. 

The human will say, "Princess, what's the matter?"

And I will insist they follow me. I lead them to the bathroom and flop over on the bathmat. (It's a thick, soft, bathmat and very nice to flop on.)

Then the human will say, "Oh, did the poor little kitty fall over? Whatever shall we do?"

That's when I roll over on my back and put my paws as far out as possible to show off my fluffy little tummy.

The human will say, "Would a tummy tickle help the poor, little, fallen-over kitty?"

Then, and this is the best bit, then the human will give me tummy tickles!

I'm quite sure that is the best game in the whole entire world, and I've taught both my humans how to play it.

Well, I'm off to play now.

Princess Purrs.

Thursday, 12 December 2019

Princess' New Toy

Princess has discovered a new cat toy.

It's not just any cat toy.

It's a cat toy with smaller cat toys on it.

It's an absolutely amazing thing!


A cat could almost get lost in this!

Those smaller toys keep coming off the big toy and appearing all over the house.

Mum is very glad she opted for plastic, and not glass baubles.

Saturday, 12 October 2019

Treats and Tricks

I tried the "I deserve a treat" look.
-Miss Fantasia.
Hello Everyone!

When Mum and I go on our morning walk, I sometimes get treats.

Mum gives me treats if I can get past the noisy dogs' homes without barking or pulling on the lead.  That's very hard to do because those dogs say some very mean things to us.

So if I stay focussed on my walking and ignore those noisy dogs, Mum tells me to sit down and she gives me a treat.

The other day, I tried a trick.  I didn't wait for Mum to tell me to sit down. I walked nicely past the noisy dogs' houses (there's three of them in a row), and I sat down and gave Mum the "I deserve a treat" look.

Mum laughed, and said that was right I'd earned it, and tossed me a treat. Mum tosses me the treats now, because I once accidentally bit her fingers as well as the treat.

Since sitting without waiting to be told worked so nicely, I tried something even trickier on the next day.

I sat down before we got to the noisy dogs' houses.  I gave Mum my "I deserve a treat" look.

Mum said I hadn't earned it yet.

I gave her the look again.

She said, "Good try.  Excellent try.  But no. That's not how it works.  You have to earn the treat before you get it."

It was as if she didn't trust me! (She said it was as if she knew me.)

So that doesn't work.  I really do have to go past the noisy dogs' homes if I want my treat.  Luckily, since it's almost summer, we're going for our walk earlier, and some days the noisy dogs aren't even awake yet.

We have to have our walk before the day gets too hot, so my delicate little paws don't get burned on the path. It's a serious issue:  dogs can get third degree burns from hot paths.

Anyway, my trickiest trick didn't work.  If you've got ideas for getting extra treats, please let me know.

Licks and tail wags,
Miss Fantasia Dog.
(Call me Fanta.)

Friday, 9 August 2019

Late Night Cataclysms

"I would never do anything to upset the humans." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Do you know what annoys Mum more than anything?  It's being suddenly woken up when from a really deep sleep. She jumps up, and then looks around her in an unfocussed way as if she can't work out where she is or what's going on.

Of course, I would never do anything to upset the humans - much.

Excellent ways I've found to wake Mum up in the middle of the night include these:

  • Knocking her things off the dressing table noisily.
  • Biting Fanta's ear, so Fanta yelps and jumps up and wakes up Mum who sleeps beside her. Fanta's ears are her most vulnerable part - they're thin enough to get my mouth around.
  • Catching Princess, knocking her on her back and trying to rip her throat out.  When Mum hears the ruckus, she comes running out of the room yelling, "Bumpy get off her!"  The only real downside of this is getting my mouth full of fluff. Spitting out fluff is really hard.
  • Leaping on Mum from a great height - there's a couple of pieces of furniture in the bedroom that are suitable launchpads.
  • Puking loudly anywhere in the house, but right on Mum's bed is the most effective.
  • After Mum throws me out of the bedroom and closes the door, knocking constantly on the door to be let back in.
I was not responsible for the recent late night event that brought the most impressive response from Mum that I have ever seen.

Mum and Fanta are both a tad chubby. In fact Mum's doctor tells her to lose weight, and the vet tells Fanta to lose weight.  Together they are very heavy.  Mum didn't have a lot of  money when she bought the bed, so it was a cheap one, and the other night, it broke. 

You should have seen Mum jump up! She was very anxious to make sure her guitar (which was kept under the bed) was safe, and that none of us were under the bed.  Then she fumbled around the house for a while like she had no idea what to do next, before she eventually made up the spare bed in the art studio. Meanwhile, Princess took over the bed that was lying at a strange angle and settled down to a nice sleep on the slope.

Apparently there's a new bed coming, but for now Mum and Fanta are sleeping on the mattress on the floor.  You know what that means?  It's a bigger leap and a bigger landing when I leap on to Mum from a great height.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Friday, 12 July 2019

Scary and Dangerous Dog

Hello Everyone!

I heard something strange today.

I heard that the RSPCA has had to try to teach people that Staffies (Staffordshire Bull Terriers) like me are not scary and dangerous dogs.  Some people think that we are.

Well do you know what? I am a scary and dangerous dog.  Look, here's a picture of me being scary and dangerous on my morning walk today.

Now tell the truth, you've never seen anything more scary and dangerous in your life, have you? (If it was as cold on your morning walk as it was on mine, you'd have worn a pink puffy jacket, too.)

Here's another picture of me being scary and dangerous.

OK, maybe I'm more scary and tired there.

How about this one? 

Yeah, you're scared now.  I know you're scared.

I know.  If you were a hotdog you're just shaking with fear.

And when I play dressups with my friend...

...we have terrifying tea parties.

Here's the ultimate.  This one will scare  your socks off.

That's right.  I'm the kind of dog who hangs out with crocodiles.

So now you know.  I'm a seriously scary and dangerous dog.  

I'm not just an oversized lap dog at all.

You've been warned. Now you know you can't go breaking into my home or hurting my humans because I know exactly what I'd do - I'd hide behind Mum.  (Mum's angry voice is the scariest thing on Earth.)

Licks and tail wags,
oh wait. 
I mean grrrrrs and snarls 

Miss Fantasia Seriously Scary Dog
(Call me Fanta.  Want to play?  Throw my squeaky crocodile, I'll fetch.)

Wednesday, 27 February 2019

Princess Gets a Present


Guess what the humans got me?  It's so exciting.

Oh, you'll never guess.  

They got me a new box!

When the microwave went "pop" and the humans said things like "oh no", I thought something bad was happening.

But then they went out and got me a new box! 

So it was really a very good thing.  

I've been in and out and all around.  It's a great box from every direction.

I hope your microwave goes "pop" too!

Princess Purrs