Tuesday, 12 December 2017


It was all too much. Squeaky Crocodile and I are
exhausted. - Fanta
Hello Everybody!

I had a very strange day today.

The cats and I made a new friend, who betrayed us almost straight away.

Mr D has a friend who is learning to be a vet nurse.  She comes to visit sometimes and we all like her very much.  She is very nice to animals.

Well today, she came to visit and she brought another friend with her.  She said this new friend wanted to meet us too.

So Percy and I went to greet this new human, hoping for scratches and tummy rubs.  Bumpy was clearly a bit smarter than us, and stayed away a bit.

Well, after a few pats, this new person brought out a stethoscope,  a thermometer and some needles. This was all very suspicious. Then she proceeded to act like a v-e-t.

She listened to us, and poked and prodded, stuck that terrible cold thermometer you-know-where, and then gave us all needles.

Well I think pretending to be a new friend when you're actually a v-e-t is a terrible betrayal of an animal's trust.

Bumpy thought so too.  He was very uncooperative, so much so that he had to be wrapped up in a towel.  The v-e-t called him a kitty burrito.

Well, that was very, very traumatic, but afterwards, Mum gave Percy and Bumpy some Temptations, and gave me a pig's ear. (Actually, Miss C and her partner gave me the pig's ear,  but Mum had been keeping it in the fridge for me until today.)

Percy asked me if I wanted to share my pig's ear, and Bumpy started to walk over to investigate as well, so I picked it up and ran full-speed right to the back fence.  Those cats couldn't catch me!

All in all it was sort of a good day, except for the terrible bit.  I think I need a nap now.

See you next time (unless you're a v-e-t, then you and your thermometer can stay away),
Licks and tail wags,
Miss Fantasia Dog.

Friday, 5 May 2017

Where's My Cupcake?

I keep checking my dish, but there's only dog food. - Fanta.
Hello Everybody,

I have some sad news to tell you.

Yesterday was Mum's birthday, and she had cupcakes as a birthday cake.

That's not the sad part.  The sad part is I did not get any cupcakes.

When Mum has baked cupcakes before, I might possibly have stolen some from the cooling racks.  That always seemed to make Mum sad for some reason.

So this time I didn't do that. I was very polite and waited to be given one.

Do you know what Mum did with the cupcakes after they'd cooled.  She mixed up butter and cream and icing sugar and made butter-cream icing.  I've never had butter-cream icing, but it looks and smells like something I would like very much.

Then Mum and Mr D each had a cupcake.  I looked at Mum, and licked my mouth.  She didn't seem to understand.  So I went to Mr D and gave him a very hard look, and licked my mouth.  He didn't seem to understand.

Then they threw their cupcake wrappers in the bin.

I checked my food dish.  They had definitely forgotten to put my cupcake in the dish, there was just dog food there.

So I took the cupcake wrappers out of the bin to chew the crumbs off.  I ate a bit of paper as well, but I did get the taste of cake.

Then Mum caught me raiding the bin.  She seemed unhappy with that as well.

So I showed her my food bowl, which had some dog food in it, but no cupcake.

Mum said no cupcakes for me!

Really, that's what she said.

I keep checking my dish in case she's changed her mind, and I occasionally take a cupcake wrapper from the bin.

Hopefully, Mum will decide to give me my very own cupcake before they're all gone.

I'm going to check my dish, and maybe the bin, again.

See you next time.

Licks and tail wags,

Miss Fantasia Dog
(Call me Fanta.)

Saturday, 22 April 2017

But ... How?

"I don't know how it happened." - Miss Fantasia.
Hello Everyone!

I don't know how it happened.

Mum was throwing the fuzzy green squeaky bone toy, and I was chasing it. We were having lots of fun zooming up and down the hallway with it.

And then, suddenly, my fuzzy green squeaky bone toy exploded!  It really did.

Now instead of my toy, I've got bits.  Lots of bits.

There's bits all over the carpet.
"We need to clean all the bits up." - Miss Fantasia.

Now Mum says we need to clean all the bits up and throw them out.

But that means throwing out my toy.  And it's a good toy, or it was, until it exploded.

Why do things do this?

How will I cope without my fuzzy green squeaky bone toy?  (Oh Mum says I should play with one of my seventy billion other toys.)

Not only have I lost a great toy, but Bumpy is being mean and laughing at me over it.

"Bumpy's being mean and laughing about it." -
Miss Fantasia.
I mean, I know his jingle balls tend to break when humans stand on them, but this isn't a dumb old jingle ball, it's one of my toys!

This is just terrible.

Mum says she's sure she can't fix it.

I don't know how I'll cope with this loss.

Oh, squeaky duck?  Mum's going to throw the squeaky duck? Oh!

Sorry, got to go, I've got a squeaky duck to chase.

Good bye for now,
Licks and Tail Wags
Miss Fantasia Dog.
(Call me Fanta.)

Squeaky duck! I'm coming to get you!

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Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Fanta Loves Cuddles

Fanta: Cuddles!

Mum: I should go get breakfast.

Fanta: Cuddles!

Mum: It's getting on to time for us to water the vege garden.

Fanta: Cuddles!

Mum: Are we going to sit here all day?

Fanta: Cuddles!

Mum: You're in a very clingy mood today.

Fanta: Cuddles!

Mum: Can we at least turn on the TV while we're here?

Fanta: Cuddles!

Mum: Want to play fetch?  Get one of your toys?

Fanta: Cuddles!

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Thursday, 13 April 2017

Still Not Your Business

"Still not your business. Go away." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

It's true that I've been hanging around home yesterday and today, and not going very far at all.

The humans have even commented that I seem to be underfoot.  Well, their big clumsy feet shouldn't be over me.

While Mum has suggested that something may have happened to frighten me on my night out, I'm not saying anything.

Mr D says it's just because I missed my wet food when I didn't come for dinner.

They can speculate all they like.  You can too, if you want.  It doesn't matter.  This little kitty's mouth is firmly shut. I'm not telling you what I did, where I went, or whether or not I was with anyone. Nothing happened. No-one saw. You have no proof.

I went out and stayed out late because I wanted to.

I'm hanging around home and being "clingy" with the humans now because I want to.

That's it.

Nothing to see here, move along.

It's still none of your business. Go away.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

The Paw of Justice
(Wait, no that's not me.  I don't have a secret superhero identity.  Don't tell anyone I said that. That's someone else entirely. You're imagining things.)

Have you ever envisioned yourself as a patron of the arts, but don't have the money of a Medici? I'm told Patreon is the 21st century way of sponsoring artists of all types. You can be a patron of my writing for as little as $1 a month. Patrons will receive electronic copies of each new book I write. 

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

None of Your Business

"Go away. Can't you see I'm having my
all-important 47th nap of the day." -
Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I'm led to believe the humans were worried about me last night, and a little angry at me this morning.

What can I say? I don't care.  I am the Supreme Feline Overlord, and everyone else can just deal with it.

So I chose to stay out last night after lock-up time. I was doing something.  It's none of your business what I was doing.

Yes, I heard the humans calling and calling.  It didn't matter.  I know the one-way cat door will always let me in later.

I might have missed dinner, but I didn't feel like wet food, and there's always dry food available.

So I stayed out as late as I liked, doing what I liked, and I came in when I liked.

Then I puked on the couch, woke Mum up and insisted she lie on her back so I could rest in the sphinx position on top of her with my rump under her chin.  Of course, I demanded she stroke me exactly five times.  (More or less and I would have bitten her.)

Mum suggested I was a little old for this kind of behaviour, which is just plain ridiculous. I'm in the prime of my life.  I'm not going to be contained by "catproofing" on the fences, and I'm not going to be constrained by any of the humans' silly "rules".

Fanta and Percy claim to have had a more pleasant evening with me gone.  Maybe I should stay home, and make sure they don't forget who is boss.

Anyway, I am going to have my all-important 47th nap of the day now, so go away.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Patrons of my writing receive a free electronic copy of each new book I release.
You can become a patron for as little as $1 a month (up to any amount you choose.)

Tuesday, 11 April 2017


You've probably noticed the Patreon link appearing on the end of each post.  If you haven't encountered it before, Patreon is a system for people to support writers and other artists.  It's kind of like a continuing kickstarter or gofundme.

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