Tuesday, 22 September 2015


Image: Percy cat, relaxing on the couch, in a patch of sunlight.
It's all Percy's fault!
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I'm going to complain to the United Nations or the RSPCA or whoever it is you complain to when cats' rights are violated.

It's all Percy's fault.  I'm being punished unjustly because of him.

As you know, Percy was absent without leave for several hours yesterday.

Because of that, Mum has ordered cat-proofing to go on the fences for our yard, and has decreed that no cat can go outside until it's installed.

That means I had to stay in all day.

To make sure we did as we were told, she put the lock on our door.  And that lock works.  I know, I tried running head first into it full speed several times today. It wouldn't move.  But my head feels strange.  I think I can smell colours.

Mum took Fanta out to the yard lots of times, for bathroom breaks and just to play and relax in the sun, and roll around in the dirt.

I said, "Hey, Mum, innocent cat here who likes to play and relax in the sun and roll around in the dirt."

You know what she said?  She said: "You stay inside and get to know Percy."

Really. Who says I want to know Percy?

Most of the day, I've been napping on the spare bed.  Percy spent some of the morning on the couch, then moved to the nappy change table in the bathroom.  We've done quite a good job of avoiding each other.

A couple of times, Percy's tried to say hello to me, but I've told him in no uncertain terms that I don't want him here.

Fanta keeps wanting to make friends with the furball, but she's so big and clumsy Percy is afraid Fanta will hurt him.

Mum says everyone spending time inside together will be good for us, because we will have to learn to get on.  She says I learned to get on with Fanta, didn't I?

I say, open the door and let me go climb a tree.  I'm a cat, not a cuddly toy, I need to be out doing normal, natural, cat things.

So, for all of this cruel and unfeline punishment, I'm going to complain.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
and Political Prisoner.

Monday, 21 September 2015

Why Blame Me?

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

The humans are all worried tonight, and they seem to think it's my fault.  Even Mum's Facebook friends seem to think it's my fault.

Last night Percy settled in nicely.  He even got over his initial fear of Fanta to sleep on Mum's bed with both Mum and Fanta.

I slept on the couch. Alone.  Nobody came out to comfort me.

Well, Mum got up a couple of times through the night to check on me, but Fanta and Percy came with her each time, and I didn't want to be friends with Percy, and I told Fanta I didn't want to be friends with her if she was with Percy, either.

This morning, when Mum opened the pet door, Percy went out to the yard, but he came back after sunning himself for a while, and had brushies and watched TV for a while, before wandering out again.

Mum was pretty sure he knew to come back.

It's past dinnertime and he's not back yet.

Now the humans are worrying.

Of course, Percy doesn't know when dinner time is, or when lock-up time is, so he's just staying out as late as he feels like.

But the humans are afraid that he's lost or run away, or that I have chased him away.

One of Mum's Facebook friends asked if I'd been seen with a very small shovel, in case they should be looking for a shallow grave.

Mum's already posting his picture on lost animal pages of Facebook.

I think it's all a big over-reaction.  He can't really be gone.  I wouldn't be that lucky.

I'm sure he's going to saunter in, in his own good time, and steal my place on the bed, boss my doggy sister around, and get attention from my humans.

Of course, he's going to stay out really late first, just to make the humans think I might have done something to him, just so they act suspiciously towards me.  I can already tell he's that kind of a cat.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Totally Innocent, but Not Believed,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Half past midnight the prodigal cat returned.
Mum killed the fatted wet food sachet for him to have a feast.
His resentful big brother (Bumpy) grumbled and complained.
Mum told the big brother to "build a bridge and get over it."

Percy is now contentedly proving his name should be "Purrrcy".

Sunday, 20 September 2015


Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

You might remember that when I ran for Federal Parliament, one of my policies was that there should be no feline homelessness.

Well, I'm revising my opinion.

You see, Mum decided to save a feline from homelessness - by bringing him to our home!

Yes, you read that right.  I have a new little brother, Percy.  Miss C says he's Sir Percival.

He's some sort of high class Persian.  But my humans got him from a group who rescue cats from death row.

So, one has to ask, is this new "brother" a criminal who deserved execution?

Mum told me not to be silly, but Percy's already committed a major crime here.  He brought fleas when he came from the foster carer.  And Mum didn't just flea treat him, she gave Fanta and me extra flea treatments as well!

Apart from that, he apparently supposed to share my stuff - dishes, litter tray, even humans.

Well, I don't like him.  I don't like the smell of him.  

If anyone wants me, I'll be behind the tv. No I'm not sulking.  I'm just not welcoming this pile of hair into my house.

Fanta's already fawning over him.  The humans all seem to adore him too.  It's just not right.

I'm the Feline Overlord here, and everyone just better remember that.

Whats that Mum? Treats?  Why yes, I'll have a couple.

No, crunch, crunch, I don't want to come talk to my new brother. But I'll have some more of those Temptations if you're offering.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Very disgruntled,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Mr Bumpy Demonstrates: How to ignore humans

Mr Bumpy launches his own YouTube Channel, with a demonstration of how to ignore a human, while ensuring the human can't ignore you.

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Mr Bumpy, Feline Detective

Image: Miss Fantasia Dog and Mr Bumpy Cat on Mum's bed.
Inspecting the scene of the crime.
Fanta: What are you doing, Bumpy?

Bumpy:  I'm investigating a serious crime.

Fanta: Are you a detective, Bumpy?

Bumpy:  Why yes, I am.  This isn't the first crime I've investigated.

Fanta: Can I help?

Bumpy: Yes. You can be my dumb sidekick.

Fanta: What's a dumb sidekick?

Bumpy: Every great detective has one.  Holmes has Watson.  Pirot has Hastings.

Fanta: What does a dumb sidekick do?

Bumpy: Has everything explained to him so the people watching the tv show know how clever the detective is.

Fanta: Oh.  So what are we investigating?

Bumpy:  Mum was seriously assaulted last night, while she was asleep.

Fanta:  What?  I didn't know that!

Bumpy:  Didn't you hear her squeal?

Fanta: Yes, but I thought she was having a bad dream.  I sometimes have bad dreams, you know.

Bumpy:  No.  She woke up to find she was soaking wet, and so was the bed.

Fanta: No! How did that happen?

Bumpy:  It was the work of a criminal mastermind I call Megadrool Dog.  I've been trying to catch Megadrool Dog for months now.

Fanta: You mean this isn't the first time it's happened?

Bumpy: Far from it.

Fanta: I didn't know.

Bumpy:  Well, you're only young, and you're a dog, and you're a dumb sidekick.  You don't know much.  But Megadrool Dog (whoever that really is) has been sneaking in here and drooling all over Mum while she sleeps.

Fanta: Oh, that's awful.  Poor Mum. How is Megadrool Dog getting in?

Bumpy:  Through our door.  I know that because, this never happened before you came here and there was only a tiny door for me.  But now there's a door big enough for a dog your size, well, Megadrool Dog is getting in that way.

Fanta:  But Mum and Mr D lock our door during the night!

Bumpy:  Did I mention that Megadrool Dog is a criminal mastermind. He, or even she, has a way of breaking in through our door.

Fanta:  And how does Megadrool Dog get into our back yard to come through our door?  The fence is so high.  You can get over it because you're a cat, but a dog can't jump that high.

Bumpy:  We are dealing with a very clever criminal mastermind here.  Megadrool Dog seems to be able to get our locked gate open the same way as he or she gets our locked door open.  Either that, or,  (whispers) he or she has a collaborator on the inside.

Fanta: An inside job!

Bumpy: Shhhhh!!!!!

Fanta: Surely not!  I couldn't believe that.

Bumpy: I don't want to believe it of our humans either.  And I know it couldn't be Mr D because he's the best human in the world.

Fanta: How do you know Megadrool Dog is a dog anyway?

Bumpy: Elementary, my dear Fantasia.  The amount of drool was way too much for anyone my size.  It had to be someone at least as big as you to produce that amount of saliva.  Hence, Megadrool Dog is definitely a dog.

Fanta: So how do we catch this evil criminal mastermind?

Bumpy:  Well he or she got away this time, but I have a plan.

Fanta: Is it a very clever plan?

Bumpy:  It's better than clever.  It's a cunning plan.

Fanta: What is this cunning plan?

Bumpy: From now on we, by which I mean, you, will sleep right on top of Mum of a night time.  That way when Megadrool Dog comes in to drool over her, you will get drooled on instead.  You will wake up immediately and subdue the villain, and call me in time for me to get credit.  I would do it myself, but you know, dog drool would ruin my hairstyle.

Fanta:  OK.  I'll sleep on Mum and keep her completely safe from Megadrool Dog.  Great plan, Bumpy.  You really are a fantastic detective.

Monday, 24 August 2015

Mr Bumpy's List of Potential Uses for a Dog

Image: Mr Bumpy Cat sleeping on top of Miss Fanta Dog.
1. A warm cat bed.

  1. A warm cat bed.
  2. To reach food left on cabinets, and knock it down for the cat.
  3. To force open the food cupboard door.
  4. To distract humans while the cat steals treats.
  5. To entertain humans when the cat can't be bothered.
  6. A mobile scratching post.
  7. Food bowl cleaner.
  8. Someone to blame.
  9. To chase off the mean neighbour cat when it sneaks into my yard.
  10. For pouncing practice.
  11. The tail makes a great chasing toy.

Sunday, 9 August 2015

Bad Human!

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,
And this doggy sister went wee
wee wee wee, in Mum's

I've told you before that Mum is a Bad Human.

This time, even she thinks she is. She even went mad at herself.

You see, sometimes her lupus makes her have a thing called "brain fog".  It means she doesn't think properly.  Sometimes, Fanta and I can use that to our advantage and trick her into thinking she hasn't given us our dinner, and make her give us another one.  (Although now Mr D does most of our feeding, and he never forgets if he's fed us.)

Anyway, tonight, Mum was about to go to bed, when she found a puddle in her room.  Fanta had weed in there.  Mum got mad at Fanta, and said Fanta was supposed to say when she needed to go out.

Of course Fanta cried because she got into trouble.

Then Mum remembered Fanta had tried to tell her something earlier.

Fanta was climbing on her and I was biting her earlier.  Mum had thought we were trying to trick her into giving us a second dinner, and she told us to go away.  (I really wanted a second dinner, too.)

She didn't stop to think Fanta might be trying to tell her something else. She didn't think "the back door's locked for the night and Fanta can't get out the doggy door if she needs to go."

She didn't stop to think, "Fanta's a great big dog with a fat behind who couldn't get into a litter tray, even if she was smart enough to know how to use one."

Oh no, she just thought if we were both jumping on her at the same time, we both wanted the same thing.

So when Mum realised that she was mad at herself. Then she was upset because she got mad at herself.

Now Mum and Fanta are both upset and trying to comfort each other and clean up, and no-one's paying any attention to anything I might be attempting, which is just great.

Now, I can see why this animal food cupboard door is childproof, and even why it might be dogproof.  But why is it catproof? I've seen both Mum and Mr D do this, so I know it can be done.  I just can't seem to get a grip.  Maybe it's one of those opposable thumb things.  There must be another way.  

Oh, are you still here?  Well, move along, then. Nothing to see here.  (Unless you go laugh at Mum and Fanta.)  It's just an innocent cat in the kitchen, innocently minding his own business. All perfectly innocent.  Did I say "innocent"?  Innocent.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Owner of a Very Bad Human.

Sunday, 28 June 2015

Big Brother is Watching You

Hello Everyone,

Zorro's Mum (from Switzerland) and my Mum
(from Australia) met in England.
I've been looking back through the old posts on mrbumpycat.com, and discovered Mr Woof's Awesome Animals interviews.

I think they were such a good idea, I will do some.

My first is with Zorro from The Swiss Cats. Zorro's family is a bit like mine, there is a big brother (Zorro) and a little sister (Pixie).

Oh, and Zorro's Mum knows my Mum. They met in England last year.

So this is my first ever Awesome Animal interview, all about being a big brother.  I hope you like it.

Licks and tail wags,
Miss Fantasia Dog.
(You can call me Fanta.)

Fanta: I don't think my big brother liked me at first.  Did you like Pixie when you first met her?

Zorro: Well, she was so tiny! First, I wonder what was that little ball of fur. Then I smell her while she was sleeping, and she smelled good. The day after she went to pee in my litter box. Mum was afraid of a kind of possible nuclear war.., but I felt overwhelmed by her cuteness and I rather gave her a good bath.

Fanta: So you decided very quickly that you liked her?

Zorro: Yes. She was irresistible, and I wanted so much someone to play with me!

Fanta: What is the best thing about being a big brother?

Zorro: First, you're the boss. At least the first six months.Then, you can teach what you know: how to catch a bird, where to barf, ...

Fanta: Is there anything you don't like about being a big brother?
Zorro still bathes his little sister Pixie,
even though she's all grown up now.

Zorro: When Pixie made some mischief under my supervision, I was often told it was my fault, which is totally unfair. And then my sweet little sister is grown up and I wonder if I'm still the boss.

Fanta: So she sometimes gets you into trouble?  Are there times you get into mischief together as well?

Zorro: When she was four months old, I gave her an almost dead birdie. She brought it inside, and I got the blame! But now, we love to drive our humans nuts at bedtime.We have to go inside so that they can shut the cat flap. But when I come in, Pixie goes out it's so much fun!

Fanta: That sounds like lots of fun.  My last question might be the most important.  Do you have any advice for other big brothers, for example my catty big brother Mr Bumpy?

Zorro: Don't forget to educate your young sisfur or brofur how to train humans: it's the most important. And how to make them feel guilty if you're not their first priority. Give your young sisfur or brofur one or two wacky paws : if you don't know why, they sure do.

Fanta: Thank you Zorro, you are truly a wise and caring big brother.  (And we've got the guilt thing well and truly covered here.)

Zorro: Well done !

Sunday, 21 June 2015

Bad Bumpy

"I'm a good girl." - Miss Fantasia Dog.
Oh hello,

I'm not sure if you realise this, but I'm a very good girl.

I'm always good.

Oh, unless there's cupcakes involved, or cupboard doors I can open. (I wonder why Mum and Mr D put that childproof catch on the animal food cupboard?)

Mr Bumpy, on the other hand, is very, very bad.

Today, Mum and I were playing "chase the squeaky piggy".  Well, I was chasing.  Mum doesn't chase very well, she just throws. But, even allowing for Mum's lack of chasing ability, we were having quite a bit of innocent fun chasing the piggy down the hall and back.  I put in a few spectacular high leaps, as well.

(Oh, the picture, that's not the piggy.  That was my cuddly bunny.  I loved that cuddly bunny very much. Then it suddenly spontaneously exploded and there was bunny stuffing everywhere.  I don't know how it happened.  It happens to all my soft toys, eventually, no matter how much I love them.)

Well, as I said, there we were, innocently chasing a squeaky piggy down the hall, when I heard and smelled something odd.  I stood still, looking towards the back door.

Mum was squeaking the piggy, saying, "Fanta, Fanta, ready to catch the piggy?"

But I wasn't looking at Mum.  I was looking the other way.

"What's wrong? Had enough playing?" Mum said, just as Bumpy sauntered in, dragging a bird.

He watched to make sure Mum had seen what he was doing and started to run (well, Mum can't really run, but it was a fast limp.)  And he darted into her room and under the bed.

Bumpy planned this out really well.  He did it just as Mr D had left to go to Brisbane.  He knows Mum can't get under the bed.

I really don't understand Mr Bumpy.  I certainly would never think to kill another animal and bring it into the house. I'm just in shock.

Really, Mr Bumpy is a very, very bad cat.

On the other hand.  I am a perfectly good doggy.

Now, I think I'll get under the bed... just to tell Bumpy what a bad cat he is, not to make the problem worse in any way.

Good-bye for now,
Miss Fantasia Dog.
(Call me Fanta.)

Friday, 10 April 2015


Image Mr Bumpy in cat tower, baby Joey starting to climb tower.

Humans are fine in their place.

Image: Baby Joey has climbed a bit further up the tower.

I did say in their place. Not in my place.

Image: Baby Joey has reached Bumpy.

MUM!  MUM!  HELP! My home's being invaded!