Mr Bumpy's Wrap-Up of 2011

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

The year's about to end, and I thought it would be a good time to wrap up the achievements of the NTBTS animals for the year.

Blue Picatso Shirt Shop Design

Best Bites of 2011 The award has to go to Cherry Rat. She's bitten everyone! She's even drawn blood, on Miss 20's friend. Honourable mentions must go to Montgomery Rat and Fang Budgie, who've also both given Mum a few good nips.

Best Emergency Visit to the Vet 2011. This one's all mine (well mine and a kookaburra's). I got into a little territorial dispute with a kookaburra. (No-one believes me that he started it.) Kooka had to be caught and taken to the vets straight away - my injury wasn't obvious until the next day, when it got infected. I had two days at the vets. The vet gave me a long lecture about picking fights with carrion eaters - their bites always get infected.

Cubist Picatso Shirt Shop Design

Biggest Bruise of 2011. Storm Budgie wins this. Of course, it's relative, because there's not a lot of room on a budgie. She's got a bruise up the entire of one leg.  Mum saw her hanging upside down the other morning, and said that's odd, but since Storm wasn't making a noise or acting like she was in distress, Mum thought she was having fun.  An hour or so later Miss 20 came along and said, "Look at Storm, she's just hanging upside down!"  Then Mum took a closer look.  Storm had a wire out of a seed block stuck through her leg ring.   It took two humans a very careful effort to rescue her.  Then Storm sat with Miss 20 for an hour or so until she was ready to go back to the cage. After that, even though her leg was bruised all the way up, she just didn't let anything stop her.  She limps on the perch, and favours her leg a bit, but still uses it for climbing the walls of the cage, and hanging on to things. She's one tough little bird, and she's not letting the leg and claw get stiff, even though they are sore.

Homework Shirt Shop Design

Most Unpopular Animal of 2011. This goes to Mr Woof. He got fleas - so I got sprayed as well as him. I told Mum I didn't have fleas. I don't even talk to Mr Woof, but she wouldn't listen.  (Note: this is Mr Bumpy's opinion only. Everyone else loves Mr Woof - Rupert Rat, assistant editor,  and the Rat Collective.)

Best Attempt to Take Over the World of 2011. OK, so I didn't succeed - but there's always next year. And the world is only being run by humans at the moment, so of course it could be better done.

Best Boss of 2011. Well, of course, it has to be me, Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat. All of the animals at NTBTS are incredibly grateful that I allow them to work for me. (There's no point in arguing, he won't listen anyway - Cherry Rat, receptionist.)

Nap Time Shirt Shop Design

Best Human of 2011. This was a joke, of course. Humans are functional at most, but never especially good for anything. (How can you say that? Our humans are so good to us and take care of us, and keep us from getting lonely - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.)

Best Breakage of 2011. What can I say, there's been so many?  Of course, they're all mine! Well, if humans didn't want things broken, they wouldn't leave them on tables or shelves or in cupboards - all perfectly normal places for a cat to frequent.

Most Appearances in a Shirt Shop Design for 2011. Me again! I have three, and Montgomery has one. They're here on the page, in case you've forgotten how awesome a model I am.


So, that's my wrap-up of the year.....

I look forward to sharing 2012 with you.

Remember, keep sending me your jokes, strange email forwards, and awesome animal stories to MrBumpy@sometimesitislupus.com .

Have a purrrrfect New Year.

From
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat

Daring rescue after angry croc steals mower

Daring rescue after angry croc steals mower:

'via Blog this'

Ever thought, maybe it's not a good time to mow the lawn? Elvis the crocodile stole the mower being used to tidy up his pen. Apparently, he didn't think the lawn needed to be done just then.

Happy Christmas!

Mr Santa Woof at the NTBTS Christmas party.

From everyone here at NTBTS - we wish you and your family a purrrrrrrfect Christmas!

Graphic Pictures - Beware of overindulging over Christmas

While it's always tempting to over-indulge during the holidays, don't let YOUR picture end up on this holiday warning brochure I picked up at the Humane Society!!! 

5 Beers

Too many margaritas

Three Kamikazis.

Seven rum and cokes.

One large purple haze.

Three martinis.

One bottle tequila.

2 bottles of wine (shared of course)

2 glasses of wine

If you got a chuckle or smile,
pass it on to someone who
Loves animals too. 
And even if they are not animal people,
send it anyway, this is cute.

Thank you Lyndal R for this great email - and enjoy your Christmas holiday.

And the winner is.. Oooops!

Well, we've had the caption contest running for about a month - here is our picture, and the winning caption, by                                    is                                                   

And here's the other entries.....



Well, that's embarrassing! No-one entered! Our poor little elephant remains unexplained - perhaps he is inexplicable. 

Why did the little elephant face-plant at the beach? It's a joke still missing its punch line.

Under-Appurrciated

Good morning out there in the bloggosphere.

I'm feeling  a very under-a-purrrrr-ciated cat at the moment.

I have been trying hard to be a good boss, to be nice to everyone in my dominion here at NTBTS. I even put a present under the Christmas tree. I thought it was a very good present. I would have loved it if someone had given me a dead mouse.  Mum and the other humans carried on about how disgusting it was! My gift to them! Mum picked it up with a plastic bag, bagged and double-bagged it and put it in the wheelie-bin!

The humans have been trying to make it up to me by telling me just how clever I was to know that that was what you're supposed to do - put presents under the tree. But every time they say how clever it was, they say along with it things like, "very clever but really disgusting."

awesomeanimals.cheezburger.com

To top it all off, Mum tells me there's going to have to be some changes to my "pet" project. Mum has lupus and it's flaring.  I don't know for sure what that means except  she sleeps almost as much as I do, swallows lots of pills (and no-one has to hold her mouth open and force them down her throat) and plugs herself into the zappy machine for her aches and pains.

I walked over the zappy machine once - I'm not going to do that again! My whole body suddenly went tight and I almost flew across the room when I was zapped! Mum said that was a human zappy machine - if they were ever used on cats they would have different settings. I don't care what, I don't want any more zappys.

So, apart from the zappy machine, what Mum's lupus flare means is she's going to put less work into NTBTS. She says I can still have my blog, and we can put on it any jokes that come in by email, or get sent to us through the "Submit a Joke/Comments" link. If we haven't been sent jokes, she says, she doesn't have the energy to go looking for them. It's only my blog she's going to do less work on - she's still keeping up her blog. (Who cares about lupus anyway - cats don't get it, do they?)

 So help a cat out here - send me your jokes, or awesome animal stories, you know I just love stories about awesome animals. Email them or "Submit a joke" and put them in there.

Don't wait for Mum's friends to send her jokes - you know she hasn't got any friends. (Well, who would have friends after they took a perfectly good present from under the Christmas tree and double-bagged it and threw it in the bin? Who stays friends with someone who does things like that?  If I could buy  my own Friskies, I wouldn't be friends with her.)

I hope all your plans for Christmas are going well - and that your presents are a-purrr-ciated.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I am
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat

Hot dogs are not cool in cars.

Hot dogs are not cool in cars. | AWLQ:

'via Blog this'

Hey humans!!!!!! This link is important!!!!

Every year someone says on tv or in the newspaper or on the radio that it's not a good thing to leave your furry friends in the car.

Now, I know the humans who read NTBTS are far too well trained to do something so awful to their awesome animals - but remember to tell your friends as well. Some humans just never learn.

Remember, if an animal owns you, you are an incredibly lucky human - don't mess it up!

Mr Bumpy

Bloggercat

Wow - Did Mr Bumpy just speak up in favour of dogs?

I'm amazed!

Mr Woof

Doggsbody

Paralysis Ticks Are No Joke

Good morning out there in the Bloggosphere,

Sorry everyone, but today's cat-it-orial is no joke.

Summer's barely begun, and we animals here at NTBTS are already hearing about other awesome animals being attacked by paralysis ticks.

So animals, get your humans to do something about it. You don't want a tick - and they don't want the vet bills (or worse, to lose you.)

This link http://www.pittwateranimalhospital.com.au/ticks.html will take you to an animal hospital in New South Wales, that can tell you all the information you need to know about ticks.

From our point-of-view, both Mr Woof and I have had ticks at different times.  It wasn't good for either of us. We got very sick. And we had to go to the vet and have needles and stay there a long time, and it was really awful.

I couldn't use my back legs - think about all the things you need back legs for - it wasn't good at all. And then the vet told me I was lucky - if your human doesn't find out soon enough that you're sick, you stop using your lungs.

So animals and humans alike - you know what you have to do. Doggies need their tick collars and cats need their spray. Yes, they stink. Yes the spray leaves everyone involved in the process soaking wet with horrible chemicals. Nobody likes this. But you know what - we like ticks even less.

Take care of yourselves out there in the bloggosphere, and check under your collar and between your toes for ticks.
Yours faithfully
Mr Bumpy
Bloggercat.

Walk on the Wild Side

Check out this cool BBC show Walk on the Wild Side.

Thanks Josh B. for sending the link.

Instructions For Bosses

Good morning,

I'm sorry I don't have a photo for you today. I didn't know I was doing the cat-it-orial.  I was just packing up to go back to my nice cage on Friday, when Mr Bumpy said, "Cherry, you've got the cat-it-torial for Sunday under control, haven't you?"

Well, it was the first I'd heard about it. So now I'm staying back late - and I think I've missed pumpkin seeds for dinner - writing a cat-it-orial and I haven't even thought what it should be about.

So, I think, I'll give all you bosses out there (like a certain Mr Bumpy), some advice on how to get the most out of your administrative staff.

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which one is a priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this place and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If it gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. i like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the one about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus cheque you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goals should have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

Yours faithfully

Cherry Rat

Receptionist

If you boys have eaten all the pumpkin seeds there'll be trouble!

Happy Birthday Lawrence!

A special Happy Birthday to Lawrence!

Lawrence lives with a rabbit named Chewie, and they're all the way on the other side of the world in England! He's nine today.  He is a special friend to both Mr Woof and Mr Bumpy. We haven't seen him for a while, so this is an old photo - you have to imagine the same boy only bigger!

Happy Birthday Lawrence, from all the NTBTS animals (and your Auntie Iris and your cousins send their love too.)

Since this is a special Lawrence's Birthday edition of NTBTS, we chose some jokes especially for Lawrence.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?
A: There's footprints in the butter.

Q: What did one street say to the other?
A: I'll meet you at the corner.

Q: Why didn't the budgie need sugar?
A: She was already very tweet.

Lawrence - are you having cake? Can you send me crumbs? Love from Cherry Rat.

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: They always go around in schools.

Q: What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A: A centipede with sore feet!

Lawrence - enjoy your purrrrrrrthday. Love from Mr Bumpy.

Q: How do elephants hide in the strawberry patch?
A: They paint their toenails pink.

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I'll meet you at the corner.

Lawrence - have a grrrrrrrrrreat day! Tail wags and licks from Mr Woof.

Q: When is a street not a street?
A: When it turns into a lane.

Q: What happened to the upside down duck?
A: He quacked up!

Lawrence - lots of noisy twitters from the budgies..

Q: Where do you take a sick duck?
A: To the quack!

Q:  Where do monsters go if they lose their hands?
A: To the second-hand shop.

Lawrence - what Cherry said about cake, us too. Love from Rupert, Chester and Montgomery Rats.


And here are some jokes Lawrence sent us! (These are so funny Saphire Budgie fell off his perch laughing at them!)

Q: What's a werewolf's favourite time of year?
A: Howl-oween.

Q:  What's a clam's favourite football team?
A: Shellsea. (Like Chelsea - for people outside the UK.)

A secret agent was told by his boss that for his next mission he was going under cover. So he put a cover over himself.

A man took a pet mouse back to the pet shop for a refund. He said to the shopkeeper: "It kept biting my fingers, and it wouldn't work the computer at all!"

Lawrence, you know what's wrong with this last joke? You need a RAT to work the computer! - from Rupert and the Rat Collective.

Montgomery, demonstrating a rat working the computer.

Have a great birthday Lawrence!
And everyone else have a great Lawrence's birthday too!
See you tomorrow with more jokes.

Caption Contest

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I'm told that Christmas is coming and that it might be a good idea if I actually gave something to someone this Christmas. The Rat Collective are all looking hopeful, the Twitters from the Birdcage are all sounding suspicious, and Mr Woof says he doesn't want anything from me at all -ever.

But, just as I've been told that this great time of year is coming, I've had an email from Lyndal R, who has sent this wonderful photo (below) which doesn't seem to have any explanation.  She suggested that readers might like to come up with a caption for it.

So, to prove I am actually a generous cat, this is what I'm going to do. On the Sunday before Christmas, I'm going to give a $AUD20 gift voucher to Iris' Shirt Shop to the person who gives me the best caption for this picture.  

To enter, click on "Submit a Joke" at the bottom of this blog post, and leave your caption.  Although you can comment anonymously, you can only win if you leave me a way to contact you. (I just need to be able to email the voucher to the winner.)  So to be in the running you have to sign in with a Google account or similar.  I reserve the right to remove any entry I deem unsuitable from the site. (Kids look at this site sometimes.)

Alternately, you can enter by sending me an email at iriscarden@sometimesitislupus.com with the subject heading "caption contest entry."

The competition closes at 6am Australian Eastern Standard Time on Saturday, December 17, 2011, and the winner will be announced in the NTBTS Cat-it-orial on Sunday, December 18, 2011.

So, here is the photo you're trying to caption:

Have fun captioning, you have four weeks to come up with something astounding.

Yours faithfully.

Mr Bumpy

Bloggercat

Purrzac

Mr Bumpy, far more relaxed.

Good morning out there in the bloggosphere,

Thank you to everyone who intended to send me get well cards and their best wishes, and of course all the wonderful presents you thought about giving me. I am feeling much better. The vet gave me this stuff called purrrrrrrrrzac, which really has helped.  He also gave me a CD to play which has lots of quiet music, and every now and then a soft voice saying, "It's OK, you don't have to be in charge of the world, you can just be a house cat." And he told Mum I needed massages twice a day. Mum asked if I needed a butler a chef and a personal nurse as well, but the vet said she didn't need to go that far.

Even the Rat Collective have been more co-operative employees. Cherry said she really appreciated her new phone.  I think getting that for her was a really good business decision - I hear her ringtone all day and all night. I must be getting hours more work out of her now that everyone can find her.

Woof's still a bit wary of me. When he sees me in the hallway, he won't walk past, just sits and cries until Mum comes along and carries him wherever he wants to go. I know he's getting on, but seriously, are we being a bit overdramatic? I didn't really do anything that bad to him did I? What's a bit of duct tape between friends? Well, maybe "friends" is a bit of a strong term here - what's a bit of duct tape between a bloggercat and his doggsbody? Surely duct tape features in every doggsbody's career at some time?

Anyway, must go, there's rats and budgies to intimidate - I mean motivate.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Yours faithfully
Mr Bumpy
Bloggercat

Dog problems

The police came to our house and said: "Your dog has been chasing someone on a bike."

I said: "That's rubbish. Our dog hasn't got a bike!"

Thanks Trisha for this great joke.

Awesome Animals

The Christchurch Earthquake - A Happy Story

 This isn't a joke - but it is an awesome animal story we received through the email.....

The story begins after the Christchurch earthquake with the rescuers finding this poor little guy they named Ralphie.  Someone had already taken him under their wing but they weren't equipped to adopt. Ralphie, scared and starved, joined his rescuers..  I wouldn't think anything could live through this.... but we were wrong. This little lady also survived that wreckage.  Here she is just placed in the car - scared, but safe. and then..they are no longer alone! Instant friends, they comforted each other while in the car.  Add two more beagles found after that... the more, the merrier!  Oh boy, a new traveler to add to the mix... (Note: the cat coming over the seat needing shelter...) Now just how is this going to work? (and remember they are all strange to one another ) It's going to work just fine, thank you very much! Wow! The things we learn from our animal friends... If only all of mankind could learn such valuable lessons as this. Lessons of instant friendship. of peace and harmony by way of respect for one another -- no matter one's colour or creed. These animals tell you... "It's just good to be alive and with others." Yes, it surely is!. So... Live, love, laugh. "Life's a Gift... Unwrap It!" Thank you Lindy S. for this amazing animal story.

Found on Facebook:

Mr Bumpy's Best Friend

No written Cat-it-orial today - but wanted to share a video of Mr Bumpy getting together with his best friend (the can opener.)

Mr Bumpy also has his own t-shirt design (in mugs as well) at Iris' Shirt Shop.

"Nap Time" Iris' Shirt Shop design

Montgomery Rat has one as well:

"Homework" Iris' Shirt Shop design

Loafing, as Demonstrated by Experts

Thank you Lyndal R for forwarding these awesome cat pictures to us.  No-one knows how to nap like a cat!