Sunday, 25 September 2011

Mr Woof Had A Grrrreat Week

Mr Woof got his own bed!
 (Because Bumpy got stuck out all night and couldn't steal it.)

Good morning everyone!

I hope you've had a grrrrrreat week.

Mr Bumpy sneaked out before lock-up time last night, and spent the whole night out. Now he's passed out on the patio in a patch of sunlight.

I said maybe Rupert should do the cat-it-orial, but he said "while the cat's away the rats will play."

So I guess it's up to me to write the cat-it-orial. Which I suppose means it's a dog-it-orial.

So what's happened here.  It's been sooooo good this week.

Mum gave Bumpy and me canned food every day! Every day, for real. Mum's amazing. I love her so much.

My boy let me watch DVD movies with him and even called me a "silly old dog" and scratched my head.  He's the best boy in the world.  I love him so much.

My girl gave me a bath - I didn't like that so much - but then she wrapped me up in a comfy towel and cuddled me, and she got the tangles out of my hair, and that was great.  I love her so much.

I sat in the sun every day.  That was sooooooo exciting.

The postie came to visit lots of times, but I didn't catch his motor-bike. I'll get it one day!  Mum says I wouldn't know what to do with a motor-bike if I caught one. But I think it would be great to scoot around the neighbourhood with my ears and hair flying. That would be so great.

And Bumpy let me have my own bed! (It was last night when he stayed out all night.)  Bumpy is such a great cat!

Cherry rat tried to make a nest in my hair. She's such a good friend.

Well, I hope your week was as grrrrrreat as mine. If it wasn't, I hope you can get a nice pig's ear to chew on - a good pig's ear makes everything better (even the vet; even after he puts a cold thermometer you-know-where.)

Thank you for reading this.
It's been so good to spend some time with you.

Hugs and licks,

PS - Don't forget to send your jokes to

Monday, 19 September 2011

Sounds like my kind of cat!

Dear Mr Bumpy

I had a black cat once called Mephistopheles, or Meffy for short.  In fact, I had four different black cats consecutively, all called Meffy as it saved thinking, but you may not want to know about that.  I was reminded of one of these Meffys by the picture of your good self on top of the fridge.  This Meffy used to use the top of my fridge as a staging post from which to open a head-height kitchen cupboard.  He would then get into the cupboard, curl up on the dinner plates, and close the door after himself.  I never saw him doing this, just found him curled up on the dinner plates when I unsuspectingly opened the cupboard.  Although this happened more than once, it never failed to be extremely startling.
I think you would have liked him

Dear Lyndal

I think I would have loved him! He really does sound like my kind of cat - one who won't let little things like doors get in the way of what he wants.

Thank you for telling me about him.

Kindest regards
Mr Bumpy 

Got an awesome animal story to tell? Send it to me at

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Industrial Relations

Hello out there in the bloggosphere.

I'm working on my own at the moment.

The Rat Collective is out west somewhere taking part in some sort of plague.  The Industrial Relations Commission told me I had to let them go. It's some sort of major religious or cultural event for rats - and I'm supposed to let them have four weeks off every year anyway.  Four rats - four weeks each - I could have a rat away for more than a week every month at that rate! But anyway, go they went. Not only that, but I apparently have to pay them holiday crackers, with extra cheese. I said why should I pay them for not doing any work? The commission said that's Industrial Relations for you.

It gets worse.  The RSPCA insisted on turning up at the IRC hearing.  They claimed I was the most evil employer of rats in history. They said there were labs dissecting live rats who were more humane than me! I pointed out that truly evil cats have always been the black cats - you know the stories - they're the ones who hang out with witches (the bad ones like Handsel and Gretel's witch). I'm only half black, and I don't know any witches. So I can't be that bad.

The IRC sided with the RSPCA - I'm starting to think the "R" in both of those titles stands for "Rat-loving". So I've had to pay extra compensation. And I've had to promote Rupert to Deputy Editor.

As if that were not enough, I told the humans if they didn't get to work on the catmint garden I'd ordered, they would all be fired. They laughed at me. They laughed at me!!!!!

So now, while the rats are away, and the humans are doing whatever humans waste their time on when they're not serving cats, I'm in the Not-To-Be-Taken-Seriously office on my own.

So take pity on a hard-done-by cat this week. Send some jokes or emails about animals to me at

All the best to you, wherever you are in the bloggosphere,
Kindest Regards
Mr Bumpy

PS - Just so you have an idea what these rats really are like - this is how they behaved on bathday. Montgomery and Chester both leapt out of the water as if it was boiling (it wasn't.)

Sunday, 11 September 2011

I Need Catnip!

This is the purrrrrrrrrrrfect spot for catnip.

Good morning out there in the bloggosphere.

I've just found the purr-fect spot for my new catnip garden.  Now all I have to do is send a human to obtain the catnip and plant it for me.

Here at headquarters, it has been another stressful week. (This is why I need my catnip - do you hear that humans?)

The industrial dispute with the Rat Collective shows no sign of being resolved.  (And putting on a new rat, Montgomery, did not help. He may be black and white and look like he could be my little brother - but he's rat through and through.) Now they say that unless I stop saying mean things about them, they are going to have rolling stoppages.  I said that Chester Rat is so fat that if he starts rolling he'll never be able to have a stoppage.  Rupert Rat says if I keep that up I can explain myself to the Industrial Commission and the RSPCA.

The humans are all taking the day off because one of them is having a birthday.  Big deal! I have a birthday every year too, but no-one makes a fuss of that.

This one asked Mum to make her a cake with a bird on it.  Sure, Mum said, she could do that. I ask Mum for a bird cake every year, and Mum tells me I'm a bad cat and leave the budgies alone. The whole world discriminates against cats.  It's jealousy of course, everyone hates that cats are superior in every way.

So, I'm off to dig in my garden a bit, preparing for my catnip plants.  Have fun out there in the bloggosphere.

Kindest Regards
Mr Bumpy

Sunday, 4 September 2011

They Think I'm a Tough Boss - I'm Really a Pussycat

In ancient Egypt, humans worshipped cats. Ever since then, we've had trouble getting the respect we deserve. (For example, I would not put it past the humans I live with to put an embarrassing photo of me in here.)

It's been a tough week for a cat in the bloggosphere, I can tell you. The Rat Collective has gone on strike for more recognition and stale biscuits. It got so bad that Chester Rat even pulled my tail! And he accused me of having evil intentions towards Cherry Rat. (Well, you name a rat after food, what do you expect?)

And there's been a lot of offensive activity on Twitter. In fact some of the Tweets coming from the budgie cage are nothing short of defamation!

They all think I'm a tough boss - but really I'm a pussycat. And if they don't get of their lazy behinds and back to work soon, they'll feel my claws.

But it's not just the small animals who are revolting. (They really are revolting.) Even the big ones are failing to live up to standard.

"Mum" - my adopted human mother and I were talking about how nice it would be if there was something fresh and tasty growing in the garden now that spring is here. Then she drove away and came back with: strawberry plants.  I checked all of them. All strawberries.

"Where's the catnip?" I asked.

You would not believe the insubordination. She said: "You don't want catnip, you just roll in it and shred it up and destroy it."

What's wrong with her?  Doesn't she know that's exactly why I need more catnip?

It's been a really high-stress week here in the bloggosphere.

See you in the bloggosphere,
Mr Bumpy