Monday, 31 December 2012

Mr Bumpy's New Year's Resolutions

Mr Bumpy contemplates the coming year.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

It's New Year's Eve tonight, so it's time to make some New Year's Resolutions.  Here's what I plan to do in 2013.

  1. Move to a home where I have my very own cat door.
  2. Become Prime Minispurr of Australia.
  3. Perfect my technique of attacking Mr Woof without Mum catching me.
  4. Have the world's largest jingle ball collection.
  5. Persuade Mum to buy lots of those fishy treats like I had for Christmas.
  6. Drink more cream.
  7. Eat lots of Friskies and stinky fish.
  8. Win an award with my awesome napping skills.
  9. Train my humans to let me do whatever I want, whenever I want.
Well that's what would make 2013 a purrfect year for me.  

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Friday, 28 December 2012

The Rats Collective Returns (Temporarily)

We're back. We came back Christmas Day, and we're staying for a week, while Miss 21 house-sits.

So, I'm sure you're dying to hear about Christmas in the Mr Bumpy Cat Dot Com household.

Everyone got treats, of course.

Treat! - Fang Budgie.

Yes, Fang, treats. The Budgies got a big seed block, Mr Bumpy got little pellet things that smell like fish, Mr Woof got beef jerky that he gobbled down in no time.  We rats had a custard tart with us when we arrived, but we also got apricots, Christmas cake, and a peach.  Christmas food is great.

Of course the best thing was we got to hang out with our friends again. It was so good to see Mr Woof again, although the old fellow was a bit over-excited.

He almost bit Monty's nose. Monty had stuck his nose out of the cage to talk to him, and Mr Woof was jumping up barking, Monty's nose and Mr Woof's bouncing teeth had a close encounter.  That's when the humans decided that we should be just a bit out of Mr Woof's reach until he calmed down.

Mr Bumpy was reminded again that we live in a cage, so we're not food. He gave me that look that reminded me that when I'm not in the cage I want to be very close to a human.

Although, there's right and wrong times to be on a human, so I found out. After the humans had lunch, I was having a great time scrambling along Mum's friend's arm, and trying to get to the table that Mum was clearing.  Her friend kept pulling me back whenever I got close to the table.  But there was still lots of exciting food there, so I kept trying to get to it.

Eventually, I decided to try another approach.  I picked my moment carefully.  Just as Mum was bent over the table picking something up, I leapt on to her back. I'd planned to run down her arm to the food. But Mum was so surprised she jumped, and knocked over the cream she'd been about to pick up.

Miss 21 retrieved me and put me back in the cage, as humans dived all over the place with paper towels, mopping up cream from the table, chairs, and the floor.

So I missed my chance to grab the great things on the table.  But after that we got Christmas cake, so it was OK.  And in the cage, there's lots of Christmas paper for us to play in.

Christmas was great.  And it's good to be back for a visit. All we need to make it perfect now is for Bumpy to leave his tail within reach of our cage.   Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

Stay strong Comrades, and don't let Bumpy take over the world.
Rupert Rat
Rat Collective Organiser.

Monday, 24 December 2012

Purry Christmas
Purry Christmas everyone - Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.

Licks and Tail Wags - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

Treat? Treat? Treat? - Fang, Sapphire and Storm Budgies.

Scat - Sizzlin' Summerland

Friday, 21 December 2012

Cancelling The Apo-cat-lypse!
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Mum says if we have an apo-cat-lypse tonight it will probably have something to do with me.

I bet you're asking what all this is about.  Well, the Mayan calendar ends tonight at 9.11pm our time, according to the local ABC radio station.

Most people, when their calendar ends, go out and get a new one.  But there's no Mayans left to get them a new one, so some people think that means the world's going to end. Tonight. At 9.11pm our time.

Mr 18 says it's OK, we've got at least until the 2030s, because his Google calendar goes that far.

Apparently the end of the world is called an apo-cat-lypse, because it's going to involve lots of cats.

Mum says I'm guaranteed to be the ringleader. She says I break so many other things, I'm likely go and break the whole planet.

You're a disaster on four paws. My world ended when you arrived.  - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

Nobody wants the opinion of a stinky old dog.

So, anyway, I've decided not to make an apo-cat-lypse happen tonight.  I still want to become Prime Minister, and I can't do that if the world ends.  And besides, I do want to move to the new flat with the special cat door.

Guess what I heard about the new flat? There's a dog the same size as me who lives upstairs.  I'm going to have a new canine friend, and you're going to be outnumbered. - Mr Woof.

A what? Oh, that just can't be true. You're making it all up.

So, just to confirm, I have cancelled the apo-cat-lypse, and the world will still be here in the morning.

Which means that if you don't have a new calendar yet, it would be a good idea to get one.  (My calendar is still for sale if you want it.)

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Thursday, 20 December 2012


"Bumpy can go from sleeping to clawing your eyes
out in a quarter of a second." - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.
Hello Everyone,

Mum called me purr-annoyed yesterday.

I wanted to walk down the hallway, but Mr Bumpy was sleeping at the other end, so I sat down and cried for Mum to come and rescue me.

You might think that walking past a sleeping cat is a fairly easy thing to do, but when that cat is Bumps, it's another matter.

Bumpy can go from sleeping to clawing your eyes out in under a second. And it's usually my eyes he's trying to claw out. (Although, he does sometimes try to get at Budgie towers.)

Screech - Sapphire Budgie.


Bumpy is just the scariest thing I have ever met.

But Mum is wrong. I'm not purr-annoyed.  I don't mind his purr - as long as he's a safe distance away.  It's his teeth and claws that bother me.  I'm claw-annoyed.

I keep telling him Santa Claws won't bring him any presents if he's mean, but he says Santa Claws has sharp claws just like him and loves to see claws being used well. That can't be true.  Mum wouldn't like Santa Claws if he was mean. (Although, she sometimes seems to like Bumps, and that makes no sense at all.)

Anyway, Bumpy's waking up now, so I have to go and hide.

I've put a video on the end of this post of Loca the Pug singing about not being able to run - she's a real cutie.

I hope Santa Claws brings you lots of treats.

Treat? - Fang Budgie.

Oh, I'm sure he's got a treat for you, Fang.

Anyway, I hope to see you soon,

Licks and tail wags,
Mr Woof,

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

A Moving Experience
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

We're moving. (No, not just because of Gus' visit.)

Mum's been too sick to look after a whole house, and this house has been far too hot for summer.

We're going to a little flat under a friend's house. It will be much cooler there and much less house work for Mum.

I haven't seen where we're going, but Mr 18 says it's purrfect, and even has a special cat door.  I've never had my own door before, so this will be exciting.

Mum says the "no corpses in the house" rule will still apply, which I think is very mean of her.

Mum and Mr 18 are doing lots of things to get ready. They're talking about what things can go at the "garage sale".  I don't know what a "garage sale is", but if we're getting rid of things, maybe we could get rid of the dog.

"Or the cat." - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.  

This will only be the second time I've moved house, and I was very young last time, so I don't remember much.  Mr Woof's moved house heaps of times, because he's sooooo old!

He says lots of things will be put in boxes to go to our new home.  Some of my jingle balls are in my toy box - but all of the others are hidden in special places around the house. I hope we find all of them - I'd hate to leave them behind. (And I'll have to find the new special places to keep them all!)

Mum says she wants to get rid of at least half of our stuff before we go.  So we definitely should get rid of the dog and at least one budgie.

Anyway, we're not actually going until this time next month, so we've got lots of time to get ready.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,

Monday, 17 December 2012

Gus The Green Tree Snake

Gus, the green tree snake.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Well you know summer's become too hot when what is definitely an outside animal moves inside.

Early this morning, Mum and I were lying in bed when we heard a crash from the kitchen.  Mum started to say, "Bumpy, get out of it!" But then she realised I was right beside her on the bed.

"That's odd," she said.  "Things don't just go crashing around this house unless you're somehow involved."

Truth be told, she breaks her fair share of things around the house as well.

When we got up, we found an ornament had fallen off the china cabinet, but there was no apparent reason for it, and we pretty much forgot about it, until I was poking around behind the tv and saw a snake.  I chased it and it disappeared behind the Christmas presents.

Mum got a quick glimpse of it, and decided it was a tree snake, so she wasn't worried about it being dangerous to me or Mr Woof - but she was worried the snake would be in danger from me.  She and Mr 18 watched for ages, and it just wouldn't come out from behind the presents, even though they opened the door for it to get out.

Eventually, they said, they had things they had to do, so they left.  They shut me outside so I couldn't bother the snake.

When they came home, and let me in again, we saw the snake lying across the spice rack and the curtain rail in the kitchen.  Mum opened the kitchen door, and kindly asked the snake to leave.  Mr 18 decided to name it Gus.

Well, it didn't leave.  It got as far as the doorway, then darted up to the vertical blind pelmet and across to hide behind the china cabinet.

It looks like Gus is here to stay for a while. Mr 18 says I'm not allowed to eat him.  That really makes no sense to me at all.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Saturday, 15 December 2012

George Negus Dog?

Mr Woof, Doggsbody.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

After his interview with Parker Pup this week, Mr Woof has decided he's the canine George Negus, and he wants to interview lots more awesome animals.

I don't know about that. I have to agree with Mum, Mr Woof definitely has George Negus' moustache, but that's where the resemblance ends. (Oh, they're both getting on a bit now as well.)

Mr Negus asks interviewees difficult, challenging questions.  I didn't see any of those in Mr Woof's interview.

Mr George Negus, Television Journalist
Photo from Wikipaedia.
"Which are the best scratchies: ears or tummy?" is a difficult question for a dog! It's the kind of question Mr Negus would ask if he was interviewing a dog. You've just never heard him ask it because he only interviews humans. - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

I just don't see questions like that getting a place on 60 Minutes.

On the other paw, the feedback I've had about the interview was that readers didn't hate it. OK, some may even have said they liked it - a bit.

So perhaps I could let Mr Woof do another interview or two with some more awesome animals who do interesting things.

Not that I'm letting him take over the blog or anything like that.

This is still all mine.

But I am a little short-staffed now that the Rat Collective has resigned and moved away. So I guess I could do with Mr Woof doing a little more around the place.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Thursday, 13 December 2012

Mr Woof Interviews Parker Pup

Parker Pup,
courtesy of his Facebook Page.

Mr "George Negus" Woof recently interviewed Parker Pup.

MR WOOF: Today we're meeting an awesome animal, Parker Pup.  Parker's a model, actor, therapy dog and cancer awareness activist. Parker, you're a very busy dog. I got tired just going through that list of things you do. Let's start with your cancer work. How did you get interested in cancer?

PARKER: My dad was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer the year before I was born. It was a scary time for my family and my girl always wanted to help give back somehow. I jumped on board (I can't imagine life without my dad) and was excited to start therapy work. I get to visit cancer patients in the hospital and give them a little bit of love during a stressful time. I also help raise funds for American Cancer Society and Morris Animal Foundation. My goal is to hopefully see a day where we can learn enough about cancer that we can prevent and also cure it. I'm a golden retriever and 60% of goldens will get diagnosed with cancer. That's a scary statistic, and unfortunately my family has had 2 other goldens that have died because of cancer. I just want to help however I can.

MR WOOF: And what does a typical day of therapy dog work involve?

PARKER: Well, I always have to be bathed the day before. I'm not a big fan of getting baths, but I LOVE getting blow dried!! I get all pampered up the day before my visit. It depends on where I am visiting -- if I'm seeing my friends at Kaiser Radiation Oncology Clinic, I typically visit with patients and family members and friends. Sometimes I don't know who the patients are and sometimes it's pretty obvious. I love the smiles and scratches behind my ear, and people love telling me stories about their dogs back home or the dogs they have loved over the years. When I visit Doernbecher Children's Hospital, I love interacting with the children. Sometimes, but not very often, a child is a little bit afraid of a big dog like me, and I might do a few tricks to try to entertain them and make them feel more comfortable. I sometimes visit the surgery waiting room in Oregon Health Sciences University (OHSU). There I mostly interact with friends and family members of people who are in surgery and give them a little break. On some evenings I get to visit the Beaverton Library for the Read to the Dogs program. There I mostly just sit and listen to the children who read me stories. I get lots of ear scratchies and hugs from the kids who are excited to sit on the couch with a big dog. I'll tell you a secret -- sometimes I will lay my head in their lap while they read and take a small snooze. Don't tell the kids I'm not always listening as well as I should (I just don't get those Captain Underpants books -- give me Clifford any day)!!

MR WOOF: How do the humans you work with react to you?

PARKER: One of the most common responses is that they love to talk about their dogs. I love to hear stories about them. The most important thing is I help take their mind off their troubles. Sometimes people will tell me, "You just made my day" but to be honest, they always make mine. Sometimes people will say, "Hey, there's ParkerPup!" which is always fun to hear. It's not just patients and family members that give me attention. A lot of times staff members will come over and say hi, and I give them a little break, too.

MR WOOF: You must like humans a lot to want to work with sick ones?

PARKER: I love people! I love everybody!

MR WOOF: Do you have favourites? Some humans you do therapy work with who just make your tail wag when you see them?

PARKER: For the most part I don't see the same patients more than once. Usually, but not always, when I visit patients, they are patients I've not seen before.

MR WOOF: Cancer can be a sad area to work with.  Have you lost humans you cared about? How does a dog cope with that?

PARKER: I have lost doggy friends from cancer. I've also known people who have lost their battle. It makes me sad and I don't fully understand why things happen the way they do, but all I can do is live my life and try to make people smile. I've met people who have had a very poor prognosis, but I don't always know how stories progress after I leave the hospital. I can only hope that I've brightened their day, reduced some stress and hopefully done a little bit of good.

MR WOOF: Your cancer awareness work involves fund raising as well, doesn't it?  You've done a calendar, I think.  What else have you been involved in?

PARKER: My calendar was just for fun since people have been asking me for one for years. As far as fundraisers, I have done several cancer walks benefiting Morris Animal Foundation, American Cancer Society, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I wear a vest with names of people and animals who have battled cancer and walk in their honor. I will sometimes send out a plea to help give back because you never know who might be affected tomorrow or the day after. It could be your mom, your grandpa, your child... it could be you or me! I have another fundraiser that I will be announcing soon, too. Something new that I've never done before, but I am excited.

MR WOOF:  I guess this gets us into your other career area, as an actor and model. Being a professional actor sounds like hard work.  Do you have to do lots of training?

PARKER: I have been in training my whole life... ever since I was a tiny puppy. I love to learn. I think it's important for a dog to have a job. Learning is my job. I would get pretty bored if I was just expected to sit around on a pillow all day long. I like to bond with my family and communicate with them. It gives me a sense of purpose.

MR WOOF: Tell me about some of the projects you've been involved in?

PARKER: Well, I've been in Vanity Fair Magazine, on the big screen in Times Square for Purina dog food. I've done many print ads and catalogs like Norm Thompson. Right now I'm on the TempurPedic website and in their catalogs. I shot a music video with my dog sister, Daisy, for a lovely artist in Vancouver B.C. Currently I'm getting ready to do my first live theater show in Cheaper By The Dozen. I'm pretty excited, but it'll be interesting to see how I do with that 4th wall and the audience... and will I be able to get it right in one take?? When I do photoshoots and commercials I'm pretty good at getting things done, but there's no redoing it when you're in front of an audience! :)

MR WOOF: What do you like most about your acting and modelling career?

PARKER: I love getting treats and attention from people on set. I don't know why, but when a doggy is on set someplace people tend to gravitate toward them. I am totally down with that!! Love those ear scratchies!

MR WOOF: Is there a downside?

PARKER: I've had a few BIG bookings that have fallen through last minute. Things happen, shoots get cancelled  It can be hard if you get your hopes up. And sometimes you have to do a lot of work getting ready for a photoshoot. Baths are never totally ideal, but like I said before, the silver lining is always in the blow dry!

MR WOOF: You're a very busy dog.  What do you do to relax?

PARKER: Competing in agility trials! Well, maybe that's not so relaxing, but it is fun. I guess if I am totally relaxed I like to sleep and play with my tennis balls. I also love to play with Daisy. Diego rarely likes to play, but he is starting to get up there.

MR WOOF: Favourite thing to chew?

PARKER: Tennis balls and stuffies.

MR WOOF: Favourite scratchies - tummy or ears?

PARKER: Ears, definitely.

MR WOOF: And lastly, when fans are looking for you on the internet, where can they find you?

PARKER: I'm most active on my facebook: My website is, and I have many, many videos on Youtube. Just search 'ParkerPup.'

MR WOOF:  Thanks for being part of today, Parker. You really are a "good dog."

PARKER: Thank you! 

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Missing Miss 21

"I do love shoes very much." - Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I must tell you I am not the kind of cat to get sentimental about my humans.

I do, however love shoes very much.  That is why I spend lots of time cuddling with the shoes Miss 21 left for me when she moved out.

It was very nice of her to think of my love of shoes and give me a pair for my very own. But, of course, she's still just a human, and not worth getting emotional over.

It's not that I miss her. I just love shoes.

Her shoes are especially nice.

I may have been especially loving towards my remaining humans, but that's because I have just felt like having more strokes and cuddles lately, not because I am lonely for the human whose not here.

I also do not miss the rat collective.

I am not feeling lonely or insecure.  The reason I've wanted to stay inside near the humans and Mr Woof, is because the weather's been so bad - it's been really, really hot, and then it's been wet.  That's no weather for a Supreme Feline Overlord to be outside.

In short, I'm perfectly fine.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Excuse me, can I say something?  I really Miss Miss 21. She gives the best scratchies of anyone, and she's always good to me. Mum keeps promising she'll be back for visits, and she was back once, but it wasn't long enough.  I miss her boyfriend too, and the rats. The rats were my friends, especially Rupert. I am lonely, and am constantly worried about where my humans are. When I wake up from my naps, if I can't see the humans straight away, I bark and someone comes to get me and Mum says, "Oh dear, Mr Woof, you really are getting old aren't you?" - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

Friday, 7 December 2012

Understanding Humans: Management

"I make a great show of enjoying attention first thing
in the morning." - Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Lately I've been giving you lessons on understanding humans.  Now we come to the all-important lesson, the reason why you want to understand your human - how to manage them.

Humans, you may have realised as you read the previous lessons, are unique in the animal kingdom.

They are an evolutionary disaster, which ought not to be able to survive, and yet somehow they do, and they have their purposes. Somehow, they seem to be deluded into thinking they are the dominant species, but we can use that to our advantage when we want things from them.

For example, I regularly wake Mum up an hour or so before the alarm.  She believes this is because I particularly want cuddles and strokes.  And I make a great show of enjoying attention first thing in the morning.
"It means I get the bed to myself sooner."
- Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.

The "affection" is a ruse.  It distracts her from the real reason I woke her up.  Waking her before the alarm means that she gets out of bed before the alarm - it means that I get the bed to myself sooner.

Humans like to think that we love them.  So we can get almost anything we want from them by acting loving.

I'm good at it, but the absolute best is Mr Woof. He's always acting as if he's totally devoted to the humans.

"I do love our humans! They're very good humans." - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

Mr Woof manages to get humans to carry him around, to sit outside and keep him company when he wants to lie in the sun, to always fuss about whether he's warm enough or cool enough.  All because he's old, and he always stays right next to them.

So the big lesson here is: act like you love your humans very much and you can get pretty much anything you want from them.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Hello Everyone,

As the Christmas Amabassador for the Lupus Business Directory, can I suggest you take a look at the directory for your Christmas Gift shopping?

There's some awesome gift ideas there, things the humans in your life will love - and by buying from these businesses, you help people like my Mum who have extra costs because they're sick, but can't work regular jobs so much.

Licks and tail wags,
Mr Santa Woof,
Christmas Doggsbody.

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

All I Want for Christmas

"My Cat-it-orial book is the purrfect
Christmas gift." - Mr Bumpy,
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I've just read on my friend Loupi's blog, Swiss Cat's Ideas, his Christmas wish list. (You might need to hit the "translate" button for that if you don't read French.)

I thought you might like to know what the Mr Bumpy Cat Dot Com household would like for Christmas.

I'm most important, of course, so I'll tell you what I want first.  I want cream, stinky fish, Friskies, jingle balls, and a way to get out of the house after lock-up time.

Mr Woof doesn't want anything, of course.

Wait - I do want something.  I want Santa to give me a scratch and tell me I'm a "good dog." - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

Never going to happen. You smell like a dog.

The budgies don't want anything either.

Treat? - Sapphire Budgie.

Treat! - Storm Budgie.

Treat - treat - treat - treat! - Fang Budgie.

Mum wants cream, stinky fish, Friskies and jingle balls - to share with me. Maybe I'll give her another dead mouse, if she's very, very good.

Mr 18 wants lots of cat hair to make his clothes more stylish.

And Miss 21 will come home for Christmas day, so she can have cat hair as well.

Well, that's what everyone at our place wants for Christmas.  Feel free to post us anything you like (as long as it's cream, stinky fish, Friskies or jingle balls.)

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Hello everyone,

Have you thought about how your Christmas gift buying could help someone as well as getting great presents for your family and friends?

People with a chronic illness have a ruff time financially. They have the costs of medicine and doctors, but they often can't do regular jobs.  

Some of them have small or micro businesses, often selling cool things they make as therapy. Sometimes it's things like jewellery.  My Mum writes books and designs tee shirts.  

You can find lots of these businesses in the Lupus Business Directory.  Buy some Christmas presents out of the Directory, and you help someone who really needs the money, as well as getting something unique for your friend.

Licks and tail wags
Santa Woof,
Christmas Doggsbody.

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Preview of Mr Bumpy's Habits of Effective Cats Calendar

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You can click through this preview to see Mr Bumpy's calendar.

Having trouble viewing this? Click here.

If you want to buy it, it's available from Lulu.

Cat-it-orial Preview

Here is a preview of Cat-it-orial, Mr Bumpy's book. (You can click through some of the pages.)

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It's available in print and epub from Lulu.
It's also available on Kindle and print from Amazon.

Collateral Damage

"In a war, there's collateral damage."
- Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

You may have heard that I scratched Mum last week.

It was a most unfortunate incident.  I was launching a sneak attack on Mr Woof, just as Mum picked him up.

That scratch was intended for Mr Woof, who deserved it for being a dog.

What can I say? In a war, there's collateral damage.

What war? No-one's fighting you? - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

"I just chose to sit on the patio all day."
- Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.
There has been some suggestion that after this unfortunate incident, I may have been a little embarrassed.

I must assure you that nothing could be further from the truth.  I chose to sit outside on the patio all day, because I felt like it.

I never regret anything I do, and I am never embarrassed.

I am a gracious cat, however, and when it was time for my stinky fish, I forgave Mum for getting in the way of my claws.

I did not, of course, forgive Mr Woof for being a dog.  There's a limit to even my grace.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 3 December 2012

Being A Hot Dog Is Not Cool

"In the heatwave ... find somewhere cool. Sit. Stay."
- Mr Woof, Doggsbody.
Hello Everyone,

Mum says to tell you the Rat Collective is very happy at their new home. The rats have a their cage in the area under an old Queenslander, where there's good protection from storms and things, but lots of airflow, and always shaded. So they're all very ready for the heatwave.

Oh, did I tell you Queensland's having a heatwave.  It's been really hot the last few days and going to be incredibly tomorrow and the next few days.

So now it's a good time to remind you that animals need extra care in really hot weather.

Believe me, a hot dog might sound like something you'd like, but you don't want to be one.

Mum does what she can to keep our house cool, and makes sure we animals all have lots of fresh water. We also get ice cubes to play with on really hot days. She also sprays the budgies with a water sprayer.  (It's the same one I get sprayed with for being a bad dog - but she sets it to a mist instead of the stream of water - and the budgies like it and fluff up their feathers and get as close to the spray bottle as they can.) When it gets so hot Mum leaves and goes somewhere with air conditioning, she leaves fans on for us. (She says she'd take her old dog if libraries and shopping centres let people take dogs with them.)

So that's my home.

But do you know some people still take their dogs out and leave them locked in cars, even on really hot days?

Every year the RSPCA warns people about this, but it still happens.

So I want to remind people: dogs die in hot cars. If you love your dog, don't make him a hot dog. In fact, don't make your cat a hot cat, or your bird a hot bird, or your rat a hot rat.....

So that's what I had to say.

My best advice for the heatwave: find somewhere cool. Sit. Stay.  And drink lots of water.

Licks and tail wags,
Mr Woof,

Sunday, 2 December 2012

Good-bye From The Rat Collective

"It's too hot for rats here." - Rupert Rat,
Rat Collective Organiser.

It is with mixed feelings that I advise you that the rat collective is leaving Mr Bumpy Cat Dot Com.

Miss 21 is moving to a home of her own - that's what humans apparently do. They grow up and move to homes of their own.

The rat collective are going with her - because we would not want her to be lonely, and because she says her new house is much cooler than this one.  It's far too hot for rats here, although having ice cubes to play with does help.

We are not going to miss Mr Bumpy's attempts to eat our tails if they hang out of the cage.  We are going to miss the humans who are staying behind, and our good friend Mr Woof.  We're also going to miss the budgies who live in the cage next door to ours.

And of course, we'll miss all the friends we've made through this blog. Take care of Mr Woof for us, and please don't let Mr Bumpy become Prime Minister, or take over the world or any of that stuff, because then everyone's tails would be in danger.

Good-bye comrades, friends,
Rupert Rat, Chester Rat and Montgomery Rat,
The Rat Collective.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Understanding Humans: Usefulness

"Humans make comfortable cat beds."
- Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Next in our course on "Understanding Humans" we come to the reason why any cat would bother to keep humans - their uses.

So without further ado, let's look at some of the things humans are useful for:

  • Can openers.  Humans are very good at opening cans of stinky fish.
  • Box openers. Humans can also open boxes of Friskies.
  • Carton openers. Humans open cartons of lactose-free cream.
  • Waiters.  Humans are very good at serving cat foods and drinks and treats.
  • Taps. Humans have thumbs, so they can turn on taps to fill our water bowls.
  • Cat beds. Humans make comfortable cat beds. They are also cat pillows, and sometimes cat transport devices.
  • Entertainment. Humans are very good at stroking and scratching and throwing jingle balls. The only problem is that sometimes they want to stroke, scratch or throw jingle balls when the cat has more important things to do.
  • Vantage point.  The height of humans means you can climb them (or have a well-trained one lift you up) so you can see further or from a different angle.
  • Scratching post or chew toy. For some reason humans seem to object to being used for these purposes, but they are eminently suitable.
  • Gardeners. Humans can plant and care for catnip. (Although they do insist on putting water on it, which makes it most uncomfortable for rolling in.)
  • Cleaners.  Humans are very good at cleaning and changing litter. 
  • Warmth.  When it's very cold, cuddling up to a human can help you keep warm.
  • Protection. Believe it or not, humans can be fierce.  Once, when a whole flock of those wretched mina birds were dive-bombing Mr Woof and me, Mum ran out with a broom and chased them off. (Of course, most of the time she's protecting Mr Woof from me, which isn't of any use whatsoever.)
  • Company. Even cats get lonely at times. After all, no cat is an island.  Sometimes even an inferior animal like a human can make us feel less alone in the world.
So as you can see, despite all their drawbacks, there is a definite advantage to owning a human, or perhaps even two or three of them. 

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Understanding Humans: Evolutionary Failure

"It's amazing the species (humanity) is not yet extinct."
- Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Next in our series on "Understanding Humans" is the problem of their evolution. Something went seriously wrong in the evolution of humans, resulting in them being inferior to cats in almost every way.  In fact, it is quite amazing that the species is not yet extinct, given how poorly adapted they are for survival.

Let's have a look at some of their shortcomings.

  • Their hair is inappropriately distributed. Instead of providing insulation and protection from the weather for their entire bodies, it is gathered together mostly in one clump on their heads.  (Some don't even have that.) That provides so little protection, that humans have had to manufacture other coverings for themselves (sometimes wearing the fur of other species!)
  • Their claws are utterly useless. Sometimes they paint them red, to pretend they've got the blood of prey on them, but really, who could hunt with those fragile, blunt things?
  • They only know how to walk on two of their legs. This leaves them very unstable.  If you run under their feet when they are walking, they lose their balance and can even fall over, because they just don't have the stability of having four feet on the ground.
  • They are so bad at personal grooming - that they need tools for it. They need water to bath themselves. They use a thing called a brush to tidy the little bit of hair they have. 
  • They don't understand what is and is not food. They think things like birds and rats are friends and companions!
  • They have no basic survival skills. Mum could not climb a tree if her life depended on it. 
  • They don't understand nutrition. They eat things called fruits and vegetables, that no sane cat would ever eat.
  • They insist that nights are for staying inside and sleeping, having no idea that night is the best prowling and hunting time.
There is only one evolutionary advantage I have observed in humans - they have thumbs.  Thumbs are useful for tasks like opening cans, pouring Friskies out of the box, opening and pouring cream.  I would like thumbs, but not if I had to have all the problems humans have as well.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain, 
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Understanding Humans: Selfishness

"Humans don't like to share their coffee."
- Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

For those of you interested in knowing more about your humans, I am going to do a series of classes on "Understanding Humans".  This is the first lesson, "Selfishness."

Humans are the most selfish animals ever created. If you doubt this, just look at this list of quotes from the humans in my house that I collected in just one day:

  • Bumpy, that's my food, yours is in your dish.
  • Bumpy, that's my coffee, you don't want it.
  • Bumpy, don't kill things under my bed.
  • Bumpy, get your claws out of my dog.
  • Bumpy, let go of my hand.
  • Oh Bumpy, don't put hair all over my clean clothes.
  • Bumpy leave my rat alone.
  • Bumpy, stop tearing up my papers.
  • Bumpy, get out of my way, this knife's sharp.
  • Bumpy, get out from under my feet.
  • Bumpy, I'm busy, I haven't got time for you now.
  • Please Bumpy, get your butt out of my face.
  • Bumpy, these are for me. You don't even like strawberries.
  • Bumpy, don't drink out of my cup.
  • Bumpy, get out of my wardrobe.
  • Bumpy, can you leave some space for Woof and me in the bed?
  • Can I at least go to the toilet alone?
  • I have to open the can before you can have it.
  • Why is there a dead mouse in my shoe?
  • Why is there a cat in my backpack?
  • It's OK if you sit on me, but don't dig your claws into my leg.
  • I have to leave you. I can't buy Friskies if I don't go to the shop.
So, you can see for yourself. Humans think everything belongs to them, and everything is about them. And it's not just my humans, all humans are like this.  

They're deluded of course.  In reality, everything belongs to the cat and is about the cat, in this case, me. 

Well, I hope this has helped you to understand your humans a little better.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain, 
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 26 November 2012

Cat-free Christmas Baking?

"I know my way around the kitchen." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I have just been highly insulted.

Really? Was it something I said? I hope it was something I said. - Rupert Rat, Rat Collective Organiser.

Mum says she's going to start the Christmas baking.  The Christmas baking is a big thing in our house.  It takes a lot of work.

Well, the insult was that Mum said, it would be easier without a cat in the kitchen!

Can you believe that?

I am an asset any time, any where, and I especially know my way around the kitchen!

I am going to be shut out during the baking.  How ridiculous is that?

So, if Mum offers you some of her gluten-free Christmas cake or pudding, don't take it.  If I'm not around to supervise, she's going to mess it up. Humans never get anything right unless they have proper feline supervision.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Saturday, 24 November 2012

Unhealthy Obsession

"What's an 'unhealthy obsession'?"
 - Mr Woof, Doggsbody
Hello Everyone,

Bumps is having a Caturday sleep in, so I'm doing the cat-it-orial. That's good, because I've got a question to ask you.

Does anyone know what an "unhealthy obsession" is?  Mum says I have one, and she won't take me out at night because of it.

It's almost summer, and in the hot weather here in Brisbane, cane toads come out at night.  If you don't have cane toads where you are, they're kind of like frogs, but bigger, wider, but flatter and really, really, ugly.  They kill native animals.  Oh, did I mention they're very poisonous?

I caught a cane toad once, when I was a much younger dog. That was the first time I ever visited the emergency after-hours V-E-T. I had to stay at the V-E-T overnight, and I was a very sick dog for a couple of days, but I survived and I was fine a week later.

Ever since then I've been very interested in cane toads.  If I hear the kind of shuffling or rustling in the plants that says a cane toad might be there, I want to go for a closer look, a very close look.  I try to catch them.  I want to explain to them how mean it is that they poison animals.

But Mum won't let me near them.  She picks me up and takes me away from them. And once the weather gets warm enough for them to be out of a night time, I'm not out of a night time.

It doesn't matter how much I need to go out. Mum won't let me.  She says I have to hold on until morning or use the wee mats (those are for training puppies, not for respectable old dogs like me) she leaves in the laundry.

She says I have an "unhealthy obsession" with cane toads and she's keeping me in for my own good.  I hate to say this about one of my humans, but I think she just doesn't want me to have any fun.

Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your Caturday, and getting lots of treats and tummy rubs.

Licks and tail wags,
Mr Woof,

Friday, 23 November 2012

Eyeballs Owl

Eyeballs Owl. Source UK Daily Mail
Eyeballs the Owl has had recently been captured and relocated from the British village he had been calling home.

He is a Eurasian Owl - the biggest breed of owl, with a wing span of about two metres - and definitely not native to the area.

There were some debate between the local residents over whether he was just a playful friend, or a danger to children and pets.

I wouldn't want to play with him. - Chester Rat.

Me either. - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

He was not afraid of people, and was happy to wander into people's lounge rooms, and to accept gifts of food from some of the local people.

It's not known how he came to be loose in Devon, and residents theorise he was released by a sanctuary or a private collector.

This is what happens when students don't keep Hogwarts up-to-date with their address. Delivery owls just get lost. - Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.

Source: UK Daily Mail

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Mr Woof Sings "Yesterday"

all my troubles seemed so far away,
now Bumpy Cat is here to stay,
I believe in yesterday. 

there's a feline always stalking me,
even when I go outside to wee,
Bumpy pounces suddenly.

Why he is so mean I don't know,
it's just his way.
It just seems so wrong,
and I long for yesterday.

I could lay out in the sun all day,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh I believe in yesterday.

It Was Awesome!

"He even looked guilty." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Those of you fortunate enough to have my Habits of Effective Cats 2013 Calendar will know that a highly effective cat always has someone to blame.

This past week, some terrible things have happened to me.  First, I was grounded completely for a whole day! And since then, the humans have been keeping the door shut, so I have to ask to be let in and out of the house!

Well, clearly this was someone's fault.

I did my best Sherlock Holmes impression.  I examined all the evidence, and came to the only logical conclusion: Mr Woof was guilty. He even looked guilty.

"I wasn't!" - Mr Woof. Doggsbody.

"Idiot cat." - Rupert Rat, Rat Collective Organiser.

"Twit, twit, twit!" - Sapphire Budgie.

Of course, I couldn't let him get away with that. I won't have that kind of disrespect in my dominion.

"Of course, you won't." - Chester Rat.

"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.  Want to leave your tail next to our cage?" - Montgomery Rat.

"Tweeeeeet!" - Fang Budgie.

What I did was so incredibly awesome, I impressed even myself.  I mean, I know I'm great, but this was better than great.

I saw Mr Woof sitting in front of the fan in the lounge room.

"I wasn't doing anything wrong." - Mr Woof.

I looked around. There didn't seem to be any humans watching.

So I did this amazing two and a half metre pounce from the hallway to the lounge room, landing with my paws wrapped around Mr Woof, my claws in his back and my teeth in his neck.

"It hurt a lot." - Mr Woof.

I did a crocodile-style death-roll, turning him over three or four times. You should have seen it. He tried to put his paws up and push me away, but he's got arthritis and he's not strong enough for a young cat like me.

"You're mean." - Mr Woof.

"Yes, he is." - Montgomery Rat.

Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, Mum got me by the scruff of the neck and tried to pick me up.  I was still hanging on to Mr Woof so strongly that she picked us both up by the scruff of my neck, and had to manually separate us.

Mum called me a "very bad cat", which is human for "you've done something incredibly awesome."

Mr Woof's been crying all day, and won't let Mum out of his sight. He even insisted on going to the bathroom with her.

Oh, what a great day! I am such an awesome cat!

Well, until we meet next time in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Macavity Catches The Bus

Macavity catches the bus.
The Mr Bumpy Cat Dot Com animals often hear our humans complain about public transport. It's too expensive. It doesn't run at convenient times.

Well, that's Brisbane.  Over in Britain, the public transport's so easy and affordable even the cats use it.

This awesome British cat, nicknamed Macavity, regularly catches the bus, always to and from the same stops.

Different bus drivers on the same route have encountered him.  He seems a seasoned traveller who knows exactly what he's doing.  He always gets on near some houses, and gets off at the next stop near a fish and chip shop.

I wonder if I could catch a bus to the fish and chip shop? Would I have to get a go-card? - Mr Bumpy

The Mr Bumpy Cat Dot Com animals all think Macavity is an awesome animal, and are very impressed that he can clearly do so well without human interference.

Source: Mail Online

Beating Bumpy

"Bumpy won't get me if I'm on a human" - Rupert Rat

You may have heard that Mr Bumpy's been in trouble again for eating someone he shouldn't

No-one is safe with that monster on the loose. When I'm out of the cage, I always stay with the humans, so that he will leave me alone.  Oh, he gives me that look that says: "I'd love to have you for dinner", but he can't do anything about it.

The humans are getting tough with him lately.  They decided to stop just leaving the courtyard door open for him. He's allowed out, but he has to ask nicely. Then he has to ask to come back inside.  It's just about killing him!  

And he knows if he kills anyone he will be grounded again like he was the day before yesterday. Even Mr 18's got tough with him about that, and Mr 18 will usually do anything Bumps asks.

All in all, I think things are getting better around here for everyone smaller than Mr Bumpy.  The Rat Collective's been working for this for a very long time. It's so good the humans are on side.

See you,
Rupert Rat,
Rat Collective Organiser.

Rupert sings:
Oh you don't eat me cause I'm on a human,
you don't eat me cause I'm on a human,
you don't eat me cause I'm on a human.
You can't even try.
You can't even try.

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Jasper the Wonder Dog

Jasper before treatment  ABC.
Meet Jasper the Wonder Dog...

What's so wonderful about him?  Because of him, lots of humans who have damaged spinal cords might walk again.

He's doing that, because - he's been able to walk again, after cells out of his nose were injected into his spine.

He was one of a number of dogs with spinal cord injuries who the procedure was tested on, and although it didn't work for everyone, it did work for him.
Jasper after treatment.  ABC

While all the animals here at Mr Bumpy Cat think that Jasper's most happy about being able to walk without his "wheelchair", scientists are most excited that they might be able to use what he's helped the to find out in treating humans as well as dogs.

(Mr Bumpy couldn't use his back legs for a while after a paralysis tick bite - he says back legs are very, very, important.)

We heard about Jasper on the ABC's AM program today.

Monday, 19 November 2012

Yowl Win Some Yowl Lose Some

"Today's lizard was even bigger and fatter than this one,
which Mum also took off me." - Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere.

I think it's time I had some new humans. These ones are getting extremely tiresome.

Twice today, they interfered in what I was doing.

The first time, I had a bird under the bed.  Mr 18 and Miss 21 tried their best to get me out.  They poked at me with brooms and everything.  I just took my treasure further under the bed, and behind some boxes, where they had no hope of reaching me.  They kept poking and telling me off though, and only gave up when they realised the bird was dead and they could do nothing to save it.

Later, I was carrying a very nice big lizard, when Mum caught me. She made me drop the lizard and tried to pick it up.  The lizard tried to bite her and ran away from her, straight toward me. Mum yelled at me to leave it alone - but there was no way I was going to do that.

I went for the lizard and it turned and ran straight past Mum, with me right behind it.  That's when Mr 18 got involved.  He didn't try to catch the lizard. He caught me.  Because I was so intent on chasing that escaping lizard I didn't take evasive action soon enough.

Mum rounded up the lizard.  It wouldn't let her pick it up, but she managed to direct it out the back door. Then she closed the door!

I struggled down from Mr 18's arms and went to the door.  "I need to go ooooowwwwwwt!" I yowled.

Mr 18 said, "No, Murder Cat, you're inside for the rest of the day."

Mum won't let me out either!  And my lizard's out there!

The injustice of it all is just too much.

As I said, I'm planning to get rid of these humans at the earliest opportunity. I've had them for years, surely the contract's run out and I can get an upgrade.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Storms Are Scary

"Bed is a safe place in a storm" - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.
Hello Everyone!

Mr Bumpy's been teasing me, because I've been scared of the storms we've had here in Brisbane the past two days.  But I'm right to be scared.  Storms are very scary things.

Do you know what a storm is? It's when the sky is angry at you.  The sky is a very, very big thing.  The husky who mistook me for a squeaky toy once was big, but the sky's even bigger than him.

When the sky gets angry it growls.  That's not the way I growl, but much louder.  Louder than the lawn mower or the vacuum cleaner growls even. You have to be very angry and dangerous to growl like that.

It gets really dark. (Dark in the daytime is just not natural.  There's something very dangerous about that.) And sometimes it has bright flashy lights in the middle of the dark.  You don't know when it's going to happen, it's just all dark and suddenly everything is bright again, and straight away it's dark again. Usually there's an extra loud growl or even a really, really loud sharp bark from the sky with the flash of light.

Then the sky sprays water.  You know, like Mum does with the water spray bottle if you're a bad dog.  Only the sky sprays lots and lots of water. If I have to go out after a storm, the water in our yard can be half way up my legs.

Sometimes, the sky even throws ice cubes.  You know what ice cubes are don't you? They're the hard cold things Mum sometimes gives us to play with on hot days.  After a while they disappear and there's just water there.  When Mum gives them to us, she just puts them on the ground in front of us.  When the sky throws them, it throws heaps and heaps of them, really hard. They break things, and if you get caught out in the storm they can hurt you.

And the sky throws things around in a storm too - bits of trees and things that people leave outside get thrown all around the place.  After one really big storm, when the sky was really mad, we had bits of someone else's carport in our yard.

So yes, I whimper and bark at storms.  I am scared. (I think Bumps is too, whatever he says.)  Storms are big and scary and dangerous.

What can a little dog like me do?

Well, the best thing to do is to be a very, very good dog, and not make the sky angry in the first place.  But sometimes I'm really good and the sky still gets mad at me and I don't know why.

Once the sky is angry, there are only two safe places to be.

The first safe place is right next to a human, it's best if you can get them to pick you up and cuddle you.  If the storm goes on for hours and hours (or two days like this one), maybe they'll want to put you down sometimes, but stay right with them and don't let them out of your sight.

If your human escapes, the next safest place to be is in your bed.  Nothing bad can get you in your bed.  (Well, Mr Bumpy's sneaked up and attacked me sometimes, but nothing else bad can get you in your bed.)

Right now, Mum's snuggled up on the couch with the furry blankey, so I'm staying right with her.

Where ever you are, stay safe from the storm.

Licks and tail wags,
Mr Woof,

Saturday, 17 November 2012

Big Changes at Mr Bumpy Cat

Mr Bumpy, taking care of Mum.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Big changes are happening here at Mr Bumpy Cat.

As some of you may know Mum is sick. She has lupus.  Recently she had to stop work because of this.  Now, we're looking at maybe even having to move, because we can't afford the rent in this house any more, and because the house is too big for Mum to look after it.

I know that some of you think I take Mum for granted, but as far as humans go, she's OK, and I do want to help her out. After all, if she can't afford Friskies and stinky fish, I'm in trouble.

(Although if we have to give away the dog, I don't mind that at all.)

What did you say? - Mr Woof, doggsbody.

It's OK Woof, we'll stand up for you. - Rupert Rat, organiser, the Rat Collective.

One of the things we're doing to try to help out this situation is to start doing sponsored blog posts where we can.  That means that someone will pay for a cat-it-orial.  Don't worry, you'll still hear from the animals at  - no-one will tell us what to say. (As if anyone could tell me what to say.) But at the end of a post, when it is sponsored, you will see a message to say who sponsored it. Somewhere through the cat-it-orial itself, you're likely to see a link to them as well.

Now, here's where things will really change.  We need to list Mr Bumpy Cat with an agency that links sponsors with bloggers. The agency wants us to have only our own content - not things copied from other people, and to have a set theme for the blog.  To do that, we will need to take out all the jokes, and just have our cat-it-orials and awesome animal stories.

Over the next few days, we are going to remove the jokes. Yes, I know, some of you may be unhappy with that. On the other paw, you'll get more of ME! And no-one can ever have too much of their favourite Supreme Feline Overlord, can they?

Losing the jokes is going to be very sad, but sometimes sacrifices must be made.  How else is a bloggercat going to put mice on the table?

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Bad Human!

Looking out the window.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I have to report that Mum has been a very disobedient human, and I am very disappointed in her.

Today, we had a storm. It was a big one with lots of wind and ran and thunder and lightning. All Mum did about it was shut the windows and doors.

Well, I thought she should do more than that.  This storm was happening without my approval. I yowled my displeasure, demanding that Mum make it stop.  She did.... absolutely nothing! Really.

I yowled some more, insisting that she make the storm stop. She still did nothing! I bit her ankle to emphasise my point, and she still did absolutely nothing about the situation.

Now, I must stress here, that I was not afraid of the storm. I am not like Mr Woof who cried and whimpered and insisted that humans pick him up and cuddle him until the storm was gone.  I do not get afraid of things like the weather.

I was not at all afraid. I was angry, that the storm would happen without my permission, and then that Mum would disobey me when I told her to make it stop.

What is this world coming to, when a Supreme Feline Overlord cannot get simple obedience?

It's all too much. I need some cream and a nap.

Until next time we meet in the boggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Two Mornings in One Day

Hello Everyone,
"It was all too much. I needed a nap to recover" -
Mr Woof
I've had a really ruff day here today. Would you believe I had an extra morning today?

It happened like this.  I woke Mum at about 5.30, because, well, I really, really needed to go outside. (Last time I did the cat-it-orial, Mum said it was bad manners to talk about my wees, so I can't tell you why I needed to go outside.) I really desperately needed to go, so Mum took me out. 

When we came back in, she said we may as well start the day, so she turned on the radio and made her coffee.

The radio was talking about something called an "eclipse".  It was very excited about it. Mum said, don't worry, it wasn't happening here, we'd only get 80 per cent, whatever that means.

If Mum tells me not to worry about something, I usually don't worry. Mum knows stuff, and if she's here, I'm safe. If I'm not safe, I can cry and she'll pick me up and then I'm really safe.

Well, it was a nice, bright clear morning. But then it started to get a bit darker. I thought it must be afternoon already. I was a bit worried, because I'd only been out once.  I told Mum I needed to go out again.  She said "Already? Oh, I suppose it's been an hour."  And we went out.

Then we went inside, and looking, out it seemed to be even darker.  What if it was almost bed time?  I would need to go out again, just in case. (It gets hard to hold on all night sometimes.)  I told Mum, I really, really needed to go out.

Mum sighed and took me out again.  It was dark like a really, really cloudy day, or just before night time, but it wasn't cloudy.  So it had to be nearly night time. I don't know why the day had gone so fast, but it did. It went really, really, fast. 

I wanted to stay out as long as possible, because it was my last out time before bedtime.  Mum said "come in", but I know when it's getting dark and I go in, I'm in for a long, long time. So I wouldn't go in.

But then something really strange happened.  It stopped getting darker.  I mean there was a late afternoon, but no night.  Instead it started getting lighter again.  And the next thing I knew it was another morning. Two mornings, without a night in between! Have you ever seen anything like it? 

Someone played a trick on me.  (I think it was Bumpy. It's the kind of mean thing he would do.)  

It was all too much.  I had to go and and have a long nap.  I'd tried so hard to fit all of the day's out time in before night, but the night didn't happen. 

So that was my strange, ruff day.  I hope no-one's been playing mean tricks like that on you.

Licks and tail wags
Mr Woof,

Saturday, 10 November 2012


"We're paid peanuts, if we're lucky."
- Rupert Rat, organiser, the Rat Collective

By now, you've probably heard the rumour that Mr Bumpy is planning to run for Federal Parliament.  Not only that, but he hopes to be Prime Minister, which means he's forming his own political party.

So, if you were thinking of voting for our Mr B, or even joining his party, I need to tell you exactly what he is like.

You see from this picture, I'm in a cage.  It's not just me, it's the whole Rat Collective, and all of the residents of Budgie Towers.  Everyone smaller than Mr Bumpy is in a cage. Do you know why? Because there's a risk Mr Bumpy will forget that we're not food.

Mr Woof isn't in a cage, and he gets sneak attacks from Mr Bumpy all the time. Someone as small as me wouldn't survive a sneak attack.

So our working conditions here at are terrible. Oh, and the Rat Collective are paid peanuts (if we're lucky - if we're unlucky it's vegetables, but that's another story.)

Can you imagine what Australia would be like if Mr Bumpy ran the whole country, not just this one house?

Do you want these living conditions?

Mr Abbott may be complaining about the carbon tax and boats all the time, but there's a much bigger issue looming on the political horizon.

If you value your freedom (as in that you don't live in a cage), do not join Mr Bumpy's party, and do not vote for him.

Rupert Rat
The Rat Collective.

The Rat Collective sings:
You don't eat me I'm part of the union.
You don't eat me I'm part of the union.
You don't eat me I'm part of the union.
'til the day I die. 'til the day I die.

Friday, 9 November 2012

Politicat Hank Loses By A Whisker

Hank the Cat
from Hank For Senate Page
US politicat Hank came within a whisker of winning the Senate seat he was running for at the US election this week.

Hank came third in his electorate, and was the most-voted-for non-human in the race.

If you read Hank's blog on his campaign site, you'll realise he is a serious campaigner, and I hope he'll be back in four years to try again.

And remember, when the next elections come up here in Australia, it's OK to vote for the cat. It's OK to vote the humans out.  (Just like in Hank's campaign ad.)