Sunday, 22 January 2012

Operation Coffee Machine

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I have decided to have another attempt at world domination.

No, I'm not unwell again. It's not a matter of needing purrrrrzac. (Although I did find the purrrrzac rather pleasant.)

This time it is a matter of simple logic. 

The humans have been doing a very bad job of running the world. If you doubt this, stop and think about how many wars they are fighting in how many different places. Think about how many of them are starving. Think about this whole climate change business. This is all caused by humans. Cats would never be bothered with such things.

Wars would interfere with our nap times. We may have the odd territorial spat now and again, but all species do that. Our spats are one on one and last until someone gives up and finds another territory. Human wars are thousands against thousands and can go for years and years and years, and still not be resolved.

Humans starving is just ridiculous. We cats woudn't allow anyone to starve. Notice that when we catch mice we rarely keep them to ourselves, but generously offer to share them with the humans who live in our homes. Under my regime, no-one will starve. There will be mice for everyone.

And as for the environment and climate change.  I have heard some humans complain that cats are a threat to the environment - but we are surely nowhere near the threat that humans are. We don't mine or use heavy industry, or throw out litter (well maybe we do have a litter issue), and we don't produce greenhouse gasses (unless we've had a particularly large bowl of Friskies.) We don't pollute waterways - in fact we tend to like to keep our paws dry and so stay away from waterways.

So, we've established that cats would be far better at managing the planet than humans.  The next question is: why should I be the cat for the job?  Quite simply, very few cats have leadership experience. As head of  NTBTS, I have managed a joke blog, and have kept a staff of varying creatures including an old dog, five budgies a collective of four rats and a human under control and on task. I doubt there are any other cats with this kind of leadership experience.

Now on to the plan. Yes, I do have a plan.

The first step is to gain some loyal minions to help me.  To this end, I've opened a Twitter account of my own (@MrBumpyCat), and am inviting all the cats of the internet to follow me.

Next we overthrow the humans.

Through years of careful observation of the humans in their natural habitat, I have deduced that they can only function after the ingestion of coffee.  My initial strike will therefore be to take out the coffee supply - thereby leaving the humans helpless.

I've done some reconissaince, and believe I've discovered the exact angle to leap off the fridge which will give the momentum to knock the coffee machine over and break it.  I practiced with the radio yesterday with quite satisfying results. I did get called a "bad cat", but I've never really concerned myself with the opinion of humans anyway.

Once "Operation Coffee Machine" is under way, and the supply of coffee has been cut off to humans, I intend to move into phase three - cornering the world Friskies market. Friskies will be the key currency once cats are running the world, and I need to take control of them early, to guarantee a well-run economy under the new order.

Well, there's the plans.  If you wish to be one of my minions, please follow @MrBumpyCat on Twitter - and remember this is top secret.  Under no circumstances tell the humans about this.

Until we meet again in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,

1 comment:

  1. various types of coffee machines are available in market like:
    to make single cup coffee
    to make 8-10 cup coffee
    generally, the first one is used for home purpose and second one is for business purpose.


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