Friday, 10 February 2012

Translating Human

Hello out there in the bloggosphere,

As my minions on Twitter are aware, I've been working on my own dictionary, one to translate what humans say so cats can understand it.  I've got a fair bit done over the past couple of days, although I think there's far more work to be done in this very important area.

Here is my dictionary so far:

  • AAAARRRR! I'm so sorry I broke your jingle ball into sharp little pieces when I stood on it with my bare foot. I should be far more careful where I walk.
  • BAD CAT. You've done something incredibly awesome. Whatever it was, you should do it again and again and again.
  • BOOK. This is a thing I need you to shred for me.
  • CARPET. This is a thing I need you to shred for me.
  • CLEAN. This outfit really needs to be covered in cat hair before I can wear it.
  • DISGUSTING. We absolutely love the dead bird/lizard/mouse. Thank you so much for your wonderful present.
  • DOG. Scratching post. Also target practice for sneak hunting attacks. And scapegoat.
  • DOG. (Alternate meaning) This is a thing I need you to shred for me.
  • GET OFF THE COMPUTER. Thank you. Having you on top of my hands does improve my typing.
  • GET OUT OF IT. Why yes, I'd love to share my lunch with you.
  • I'M BUSY. Yes, now would be a perfect time to play.
  • INSIDE TIME. Hide.
  • LEAVE THE DOG ALONE. The dog needs to be scratched some more. 
  • LOUNGE. This is a thing I need you to shred for me.
  • NEW. This is a thing I need you to shred for me.
  • NO. Not while I'm watching you. Wait until I look the other way.
  • NOT NOW.  I really need you to wrap yourself around my ankles while I carry this heavy object.
  • STOP. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.
  • VET. Run and hide or you'll get a cold thermometer you-know-where.
  • WAIT. We'll give it to you when you yowl loud enough. Just keep getting louder.
  • WHO BROKE THIS? Thank you so much, we really hated that antique vase/crystal glass/priceless family heirloom etc.
  • YYYYAAAAAAAAARRRRRRKKKKKKKK! Good morning. Thank you for my wake up call. My, what sharp claws you have!
  • YUK! I'll just clean that litter tray up for you.

Well, that's my dictionary for now. I'll probably add more to it as time goes on. But with these basics, I'm sure you'll understand your human much better. Many cats are surprised to find out that humans are actually quite intelligent. You just have to learn to understand their language.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,

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