Saturday, 17 March 2012

The Problem with Friskies

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

As many of my Twitter minions would know, I have a particular love of Friskies. Like Mary Poppins, they are "practically perfect in every way."

"Practically", but not "completely". There are only two problems with Friskies. The first is a minor issue. There are meat Friskies, as well as fish Friskies.  Sometimes Mum picks up the wrong pack in the supermarket.  If the Purina company would stop making meat Friskies, that would fix this issue completely. There is really no reason whatsoever to manufacture the meat flavours, because I only like fish.  I do my very best to train Mum, but she is only human after all.

The other problem with Friskies is far more serious.  They come in a cardboard box that a human has to open and pour.  We all know how unreliable humans are. If I decide I want my breakfast at 3am, it should be available at 3am, and Friskies that were put in my bowl the night before are just not good enough. Humans are most uncooperative before their morning alarm goes off.

Humans are uncooperative before their morning alarm.
I have come up with a solution to this problem, however. Purina, the company who make Friskies, should develop a pack that cats can open and pour for ourselves.

This would solve the problem of the uncooperative human - in fact it would remove dependence on humans at all.

I have suggested this to the Purina company, and have assurances it is being worked on. I'm very hopeful the new type of packaging will be released soon. Perhaps it will be called the "Bumpy Pack" in my honour, since I am the genius who has come up with this revolutionary idea.

This is where negotiations are at present:

I'm certain that Lisa at Purina, and I hope she's a cat not an unreliable human, will get something done about the situation very soon. If she writes on the company's Facebook account, she must hold a very senior position in the company, possibly even the CEO.

Until then, cats will have to continue to rely on humans. Humans have hands, which at the moment are essential to opening and pouring Friskies.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,

Thursday, 15 March 2012

Ten Commandments

Hello out there the Bloggosphere.

You may know that my human is a minister. Last week she had the ten commandments as one of the readings. I took a look at them. I don't know what the fuss is about: God gives this list of rules and for thousands of years people think how clever God is for coming up with them. I'm sure I could do much better - which is why I've decided to write my own ten commandments.

6. You will not take away any mice, lizards, or
small creatures I may be tormenting.

  1. I am the cat. You shall adore only me.
  2. You will not give attention to the dog.
  3. You will always speak nicely to me - and stroke me while you're doing so.
  4. Your lap is always reserved for me.
  5. You will bring to me the first fruits of the Friskies harvest, along with cream and stinky fish.
  6. You will not take away any mice, lizards, or other small creatures I may be tormenting.
  7. You will not work on the computer when I want to be stroked.
  8. You will not step on my jingle balls - even if I leave them in the middle of the hallway in the middle of the night.
  9. You will not yell at me when I break your precious objects.
  10. You will not want the couch, your bed, your chair, or anything else I happen to choose to nap on. If I am on it, it is mine.

I'm sure you will agree, these are a significant improvement on the original.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,

Monday, 12 March 2012

Well it Fit Last Year!

You find something festive that you would like to slip into.

It seems a little small, but you're quite sure that in recent years you've worn this size. So you work with it a bit.

You try it on different ways.

From different angles you examine yourself.

Finally, you admit that it does feel "a little tight".

Someone offers you a larger size, which your find highly insulting.

I mean, it might be a tight fit, but you still look good!

Haven't we all been there?

Thanks to Lyndal R for this email.
Copyright is unknown.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Just Purrrrrrrrrrfect!

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere.

A loud purr in the ear is a good way
to wake a sleeping human.
One of my favourite ways to wake Mum up in the morning is to put my cold nose as far into her ear as it will go and purr, loudly. Mum says it is like someone starting a chainsaw in her skull. It's very effective.

Imagine how much more effective it would be if instead of sounding like a chainsaw, I sounded like a jet engine!

Smokey and her world record

I would like you to meet my new friend Smokey. We met yesterday on Twitter.  (If you want to find her she's @PurringSmokey.)

Smokey is an incredibly talented cat. So talented, in fact that she has a Guinness World Record! Her talent is purring. Any cat can purr, of course, but Smokey is the loudest ever measured.  She has a purr of 67.7 decibels.

OK, maybe that's not quite a jet engine, but it's pretty loud.
If you wonder about it - here a link to a chart of what sounds have what decibel readings.  If Smokey were purring in the room, two humans wouldn't be able to have a normal conversation. They would have to yell over top of her. Of course, humans rarely have anything important to say, so this wouldn't really matter.

If you take a look at her website, you'll find she's so talented, she's also written a book. I understand a human may have helped her a little with that, but you know humans, probably more of a hindrance than a help. Humans do like to feel helpful though, so you really have to let them try.

So, check out my new friend's site. I couldn't find a recording of her purring on the site anywhere - but maybe that's for health and safety reasons. Wouldn't want to deafen anyone listening to their computers, I suppose.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy

Friday, 2 March 2012

Hank For Senate

Hank For Senate:

'via Blog this'

Hey everyone, check this out! Hank the cat is running for the US Senate. Talk about a political animal.

Now if we had actual cats in Canberra, perhaps the catfight over leadership of the government would have been a little more civilized.

The Internet Explained

Do you really understand the nature of the internet? If you don't here's a simple explanation...
Picture taken from Rahul R on Google+

.... and that explains why this exists (because nothing else could.)

What can we say after that but "Meow"?