Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Caption Contest, Last Day

Today is the last day to enter the caption contest.  If you have a brilliant caption for the little elephant face-planting in the surf, click "comments" below and give your entry. The winner will be announced tomorrow.

The winner will get a $30 gift voucher from the Shirt Shop.  Wouldn't you love your own teeshirt or mug with a picture of Mr Bumpy on it? (Or something less exciting from the range designed by Iris.)

The Catlympics

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

You may have noticed that the Owlympics are happening in England at the moment. This has nothing to do with owls, so I don't know why they call it owlympics. It's a big sporting competition, with humans running and jumping, and swimming and shooting and things like that.  It's all a bit boring, really.

But the idea of everyone getting together to enjoy playing games, well, I like that. So after the Revolution, I'm going to institute the Catlypmics.

The events at the Catlympics will include all the things that cats are really good at.

There will be a pouncing event - where competitors will pounce unsuspecting humans, dogs or whatever. Points will be given for grace, athleticism and shock value.

Synchronised  napping (pictured), will involved teams of cats napping. Points will be gained for cuteness, cuddliness of the pile, and for staying asleep while there are distracting noises. Points will be deducted for snoring, restlessness, or disturbing the cat pile.

Cream drinking will be a race to be first to finish a dish of lactose-free cream, and to thoroughly clean whiskers afterwards.

There will be a purring contest where the decibel level of purrs will be measured.  Twitter Minion @PurringSmokey will probably win this, because she currently holds the Guiness World Record for loud purring. Of course, there will always be young cat-thletes trying to beat the record.

Of course, there would be a mouse-catching event. That one's my speciality.

And I think a cross-the-yard dash, while being swooped by vicious feral mina birds is another important cat skill that could be tested by a Catlympic event.

Chasing jingle balls would be an event as well, which would require some great athletic and gymnastic ability. I think that landing on your feet would also be a great event.

I think the first Catlympics will be a very great event indeed. And all of the winners will be given catnip wreaths to celebrate.

It will all be far more interesting and entertaining that the humans' Owlympics.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Sunday, 29 July 2012

We Were Ready for the Carbon Tax

I don't care what time it is - my Friskies dish is empty!
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

As you know, I have a particular love of Friskies - but that wasn't always my main food.

When I came home from the pet shop with my new humans, Mum had been given a pack of something quite disgusting which the person at the pet shop said I was used to because it was what all the cats were fed while I was there.

Mum dutifully read the instructions on how much to feed me and served a dish of it. A day later she threw the whole dishful out served another dish of it. A day later she threw the whole dishful out and served another dish of it. A day later, she went to the supermarket and bought me a different brand of cat food, put that in my bowl, and I ate it in two minutes and demanded more. (I was very hungry by that time.)

I really did like this cat food. But there was a slight down side to it. It didn't bother me, but the humans started to talk about it a lot. It seems they were beginning to think I might be emitting a few too many toxic greenhouse gasses.

Coughing, choking humans with watery eyes kept throwing me outside. Mum said someone from the Environment Department would be coming to order an emissions filter for my back end. Mr 18 said I was going to make Antarctica melt and the whole coast of Australia would flood. Miss 20 just said, "Air, I need AIR!"

Mum bought a gas mask and gloves for changing my litter trays.

Politicians on the television started talking about a carbon tax some time in the future. Mum said someone would have to measure the amount of greenhouse gasses I produced so she'd know how much tax she had to pay for me.

Then there was the trip to the v-e-t. I was going for my annual needle and check-up (yes, with the cold thermometer you-know-where.) The v-e-t noticed something - two of my teeth were going bad. I had to stay there overnight, have an anaesthetic and have the teeth out!

The next day, the v-e-t told Mum I should have special teeth cleaning food, that she would have to buy from him.  Mum said I was very fussy about my food, so the v-e-t gave me a couple of pieces. I gobbled them up.

So Mum bought a bulk bag of very expensive v-e-t tooth food and brought it home. I ate it a couple of times. But it was chicken flavoured. I really only like fish, so I got bored and stopped eating fairly quickly. After a few days of me not eating, Mum decided she really had to get something to stop me from starvation.

She went back to the supermarket, and looked for a compromise, something that was good for cat's teeth, but would taste like fish so I would eat it. That's when she discovered Friskies - the packet said it had tooth-care bits in it.

Well, you know how much I love my Friskies! If you've forgotten, the video from the day I managed to open a pack all by myself tells you pretty much everything.....

Eating Friskies, I didn't produce the bad smells. So I was happy and the humans were happy.

But then Mr Woof started having trouble eating dry food because he's so old and he doesn't have a lot of teeth left.  Mum started to get him wet food.  Well you know me, I wanted to know where mine was, and to bite and scratch Mr Woof while he was eating.  I didn't want his food - it tasted like meat. But I didn't want him to have something I didn't.

So Mum got me some stinky fish.  I love stinky fish! (Here's another video, if you've forgotten how much I love stinky fish.)

Mum said I couldn't only eat stinky fish - because it doesn't have tooth-care bits in it.  That was fine with me, because I still love my Friskies.

So now, I get just a little bit of stinky fish when Mr Woof gets his food, and I have Friskies in my dish that I can eat whenever I feel like it during the day.

The humans are happy because I'm looking after my teeth, and I'm not melting Antarctica.  The carbon tax started this month, and no-one's trying to measure my emissions. I'm happy because I get to eat two of my favourite things every day.  Now if I can only persuade Mum to give me lactose-free cream every day, life would be purrrrrrrrrrfect.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

The Elephant Again

Remember our caption contest? The one that nobody entered? It was for a shirt shop voucher for last Christmas.

After all this time, someone has attempted to give captions for the little elephant face-planting in the surf.

From Brendan J. we have the following suggestions:

  • Long distance trunk call?
  • Trying to hear better sound waves.
  • Only time and tide will tell.
Since we've finally got an entry - let's try this again.  You have until Tuesday 31st July (Australian time) to comment on this post - give us your best caption for the elephant.  If there's no other entries, the prize will go to Brendan J.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Winter In The Sunshine State

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

You might know that many people visit Queensland for the warmth and sunshine. I certainly love my morning patch of sunshine.  But something strange has been happening lately. It's called winter.

I remember other winters, which were cold, but this one is is cold and wet as well. Cold and wet are two of my least favourite things.

I wanted to sit in my sunshine patch the other day, and all there was, was rain.

Eventually, I went out and sat there anyway. I am Supreme Feline Overlord, after all. If I want to sit in the sun, the weather should just do what I want.  Unfortunately it didn't.

I sat there a long time. Mum said I was taking stubbornness to extremes. I was very wet when I came in, and none of the humans wanted me on their beds, or the couch. They wouldn't cuddle me either.

Then when the rain stopped, it was so incredibly cold outside. Even in the sunlight, I was still cold. Yes, I know the humans all said I could go inside, but I wanted to be out. I wanted the weather to obey me as it ought.

Then Mum came home with the car, and I noticed something interesting.  The car is warm when it's been out.

I gave it a bit of a smooch.  It was really nice and warm. So I got closer, and gave it a big hug.

I got my paws wrapped right around the car where it was warmest.  I stayed there for hours.

The weather might be very disobedient, but the car is a very, very good minion.  I used to think the car didn't care (because it sometimes takes me to the v-e-t.) As it turns out the car is very dedicated and loves me very, very much.

When the revolution comes, I'll have to find a good role for the car.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Friday, 13 July 2012

World Domination 101 - The Art of Camouflage

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

As you may be aware, in the quest for world domination, we may occasionally need to do things we don't want the humans (or anyone else) to notice. One way to do this is to blend into your surroundings.  This is called camouflage.

While some other animals, such as chameleons,  are known for their camouflage skills, cats are also excellent at this. Dogs can sometimes be fairly well camouflaged as well - but not as good as cats.

Mr Woof and I are both demonstrating the art of camouflage in the photo below. You might have trouble finding us both, but that's the whole point of the exercise.

Notice that Mr Woof is almost lost in the furry blankey in our loungeroom. I blend in seamlessly with the black-and white Marilyn Monroe footrest, partly because I'm black-and-white, and partly because I'm a gorgeous cat.

Here are some other cool cats demonstrating this. First let's see how Twitter Minion Loupi from Switzerland does it.

Loupi's spots and stripes make him almost invisible in the mulch and the shady patch in his garden.  A human could walk right past him and not notice ... until it was too late.

And here is Twitter Minion Mr Boo....

Like me, Mr Boo is a fine black and white cat. Notice that you can't see where the black part of the cowhide ends and the start of Mr Boo's back begins.  That's the sign of a true master of the art of camouflage.

So, there's a very important lesson in this for all cats to follow. Practice your camouflage skills. You never know when you need them.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Life and Death in Budgie Towers

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,
Storm (grey, front), Fang (yellow),  Sapphire (dark blue)
Cloud (blue and yellow, hiding behind Sapphire)
This post is not such a happy one.  In fact, the humans all had leaky eyes for a day or two.

There's one budgie missing from this photo. It was Moult.  Moult was a green budgie, who was about 10 years old - which is very old for a budgerigar.

I'm told he got his name because Miss 20 (who was 10 then), picked him up and said: "What are we going to name this one?" And he was so nervous that some of his feathers fell out. He got named Moult because of losing feathers when he was nervous.

Moult was a good bird - he outlived the birds who were bought at the same time as him. And he survived my initial introduction to the household.  

You might not realise this, but there was a time, when I didn't fully understand the "no eating anyone who lives in a cage" rule.  I used to climb on the budgie cage, and even knocked it over. That's when Mum bought Budgie Towers - an indoor aviary so big and strong that not even I can knock it over.

About a week ago, Mum found Moult at the bottom of the cage, stiff. Everyone was sad, and as I said, the humans had leaky eyes.

Now, let me introduce me to the other birds, while we're here.

Fang got her name because when Mum was taking her out of the box from the pet shop to put her in Budgie Towers, she had a taste of Mum's finger.  Fang has such a strong beak, Mum had a bruise on her finger for days!

Sapphire got his name because he's deep blue, fairly obvious, really. When Sapphire first moved in, he didn't know how to fly. He'd hop off the perch, go thunk on the floor, and then climb up the walls of Budgie Towers to get back to the perch. Eventually, Moult took him aside and taught him how to fly.

Storm is grey with white patches, like a cloudy, stormy sky.

And Cloud has blue and yellow patches - kind of like a sunset sky - or so Miss 20 said when she named her.  Cloud was best friends with Moult. They used to hang out together. Cloud's been very sad since Moult died. She's not taking very good care of herself - not grooming at all. She looks really bad. The humans are worrying, but they're hoping she will feel better soon.

So that's the story of life in Budgie Towers.  I have a colony of birds, which ought to be food, living right in my house, and I have to treat them as family!

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

UPDATE (9/7/12):
Cloud died overnight. Humans had very leaky eyes again.

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

What the #WLF?

Not sure about the #WLF's ideals -
but I do look good in the uniform.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

An interesting thing happened to me the other day.  I was talking with one of my Twitter Minions about my belief that humans are incompetent to run the world.  Another Minion suggested I should join the #WLF.

I had to confess, that though I've seen the hashtag before, I did not know what it meant.

I was directed to Eldrid Elephant's blog for information.

Well, it was quite interesting. Eldrid's job is to remember things for the cats in the #WLF, which is the Whiskas Liberation Front. On his blog, Eldrid keeps information such as the #WLF code. It defines the #WLF as "an international collective of socialist cats and sympathetic members of other species (including the odd human and at least one tortise.)"

The duties of #WLF members include regular patrols, guarding against incursions, sleeping on the most comfortable cushions, and to use social media to oppose any injustice against any species.

Well, it's all well and good. But I'm not so much a socialist as I am a semi-benevolent dictator. I'm happy to accept the equality of all Minions, but I am Supreme Feline Overlord. I am not sharing anything equally with anyone, especially my Friskies, stinky fish and cream.

A day or so later, the @wlfmadhatter tweeted the picture of me you see at the top of this post, with the news that it was my passing out. I am now a member of the #WLF. Apparently, I was unknowingly conscripted.

I was going to object to this, on the grounds that I am not a socialist, I don't believe in being anyone's equal, but I took a look at the picture.  The #WLF uniform suits me don't you think? And I hear lady cats like a male cat in uniform.

Lots of #WLF members have tweeted, welcoming me and saluting.

I guess I'll go along with it for now.  But when the revolution comes, of course, it's me in charge.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 2 July 2012

King of My Domain

The luxurious life of the King of the Domain
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

As you can see, I now have my own domain name, www.mrbumpycat.com . This was Mum's present to me for my Bloggiversary.  Yes, my blog, which used to be not-to-be-taken-seriously.blogspot.com is a year old. To celebrate it has a new name, and a new domain.

Don't despair, you still have the same cat, Supreme Feline Overlord and Bloggercat, Mr Bumpy, my awesome self.

Please keep sending me lots of jokes and awesome animal stories to share. My new email address is contact@mrbumpycat.com .

In fact, while we're here - let's see something from one of my minions:
Thanks to Twitter Minion catofduty3
Remember, you can send me jokes and awesome animal stories by email, on Facebook, on Twitter, or by clicking on the comment/submit a joke link below.

It's been a great year here, at mrbumpycat.com (or NTBTS, if you're not used to the new name yet), and hopefully there will be another great year ahead.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,