Sunday, 29 July 2012

We Were Ready for the Carbon Tax

I don't care what time it is - my Friskies dish is empty!
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

As you know, I have a particular love of Friskies - but that wasn't always my main food.

When I came home from the pet shop with my new humans, Mum had been given a pack of something quite disgusting which the person at the pet shop said I was used to because it was what all the cats were fed while I was there.

Mum dutifully read the instructions on how much to feed me and served a dish of it. A day later she threw the whole dishful out served another dish of it. A day later she threw the whole dishful out and served another dish of it. A day later, she went to the supermarket and bought me a different brand of cat food, put that in my bowl, and I ate it in two minutes and demanded more. (I was very hungry by that time.)

I really did like this cat food. But there was a slight down side to it. It didn't bother me, but the humans started to talk about it a lot. It seems they were beginning to think I might be emitting a few too many toxic greenhouse gasses.

Coughing, choking humans with watery eyes kept throwing me outside. Mum said someone from the Environment Department would be coming to order an emissions filter for my back end. Mr 18 said I was going to make Antarctica melt and the whole coast of Australia would flood. Miss 20 just said, "Air, I need AIR!"

Mum bought a gas mask and gloves for changing my litter trays.

Politicians on the television started talking about a carbon tax some time in the future. Mum said someone would have to measure the amount of greenhouse gasses I produced so she'd know how much tax she had to pay for me.

Then there was the trip to the v-e-t. I was going for my annual needle and check-up (yes, with the cold thermometer you-know-where.) The v-e-t noticed something - two of my teeth were going bad. I had to stay there overnight, have an anaesthetic and have the teeth out!

The next day, the v-e-t told Mum I should have special teeth cleaning food, that she would have to buy from him.  Mum said I was very fussy about my food, so the v-e-t gave me a couple of pieces. I gobbled them up.

So Mum bought a bulk bag of very expensive v-e-t tooth food and brought it home. I ate it a couple of times. But it was chicken flavoured. I really only like fish, so I got bored and stopped eating fairly quickly. After a few days of me not eating, Mum decided she really had to get something to stop me from starvation.

She went back to the supermarket, and looked for a compromise, something that was good for cat's teeth, but would taste like fish so I would eat it. That's when she discovered Friskies - the packet said it had tooth-care bits in it.

Well, you know how much I love my Friskies! If you've forgotten, the video from the day I managed to open a pack all by myself tells you pretty much everything.....

Eating Friskies, I didn't produce the bad smells. So I was happy and the humans were happy.

But then Mr Woof started having trouble eating dry food because he's so old and he doesn't have a lot of teeth left.  Mum started to get him wet food.  Well you know me, I wanted to know where mine was, and to bite and scratch Mr Woof while he was eating.  I didn't want his food - it tasted like meat. But I didn't want him to have something I didn't.

So Mum got me some stinky fish.  I love stinky fish! (Here's another video, if you've forgotten how much I love stinky fish.)

Mum said I couldn't only eat stinky fish - because it doesn't have tooth-care bits in it.  That was fine with me, because I still love my Friskies.

So now, I get just a little bit of stinky fish when Mr Woof gets his food, and I have Friskies in my dish that I can eat whenever I feel like it during the day.

The humans are happy because I'm looking after my teeth, and I'm not melting Antarctica.  The carbon tax started this month, and no-one's trying to measure my emissions. I'm happy because I get to eat two of my favourite things every day.  Now if I can only persuade Mum to give me lactose-free cream every day, life would be purrrrrrrrrrfect.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.


  1. We both know that cats are not fussy, they are food expert. Concerning "toxic greenhouse gasses", Dad should maybe go to the v-e-t too. I'll tell Mum about it.
    Loupi on Mum's account

    1. Oh Loupi, wouldn't it be soooo funny to see a human up on the cold metal table at the v-e-t's as well!


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