Friday, 31 August 2012

Defending My Reputation

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I have recently been terribly defamed, and feel I must defend my reputation.

I caught Mum telling someone that Mr Woof and I were like brothers, we pretend to fight, but we really love each other.

Let me make it purrfectly clear.  I do not love any stinky old dog! I have not ever, and will not ever, soften my anti-dog stance!

The reason I do not fight with Mr Woof when we're on Mum's bed is not because we're friends, but because Mum will shut me out of the room if I start anything. I didn't bother him the day he was sick because, err, well, that's my own business not yours.

I'm glad we've cleared that up. Now, if you hear Mum telling lies about me like this again, you'll know not to believe her.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 27 August 2012

New Caption Contest Closes 30th September

Mum took this photo about a week ago.  Can you caption it?

Click on the "Comments" section below, and give us your best caption for the currawong on the table.

The competition closes on 30th September, 2012.  The winner will be announced on 2nd October 2012, and will receive a $20 (Australian Dollars) Shirt Shop gift voucher.

Parry Gripp Animal Songs

Some of Mr Bumpy's favourite songs, by Parry Gripp...

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Official Feline Secrets

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

It may not surprise you to know that cats are much smarter than humans. There are lots of things that we know, that humans simply don't.

For example, last night, I came in for my dinner just before lock-up time. (It was very nice dinner, too, left-over roast chicken, made me clean my whiskers for ages afterwards, but that's beside the point.)

I was inside when Mum locked the house up.  A couple of hours later, I woke Mum by yowling at her bedroom window to let me in. Mum wanted to know how I'd got out of a locked house. The answer is simple, of course, Feline Osmosis, I went through the wall.

Mum says Feline Osmosis is "impossible".  "Impossible" is a word for anything humans can't do.  Because they don't know how to get through the wall, they think it can't be done.

Of course, I could show her how it's done, but that's an OFS (Official Feline Secret). If I told her, I'd have to scratch her tongue out so she couldn't tell anyone else.

Some humans believe they understand some of our secrets.  For example, there are scientists who claim to know how cats land on our feet when we fall from a great height.  If you dropped those scientists off a building, they would not land, unhurt, on their feet. That pretty much proves that they really don't know how it's done at all. The real secret to landing on your feet is another OFS.

Those times when we creep humans out by staring for ages at something they can't see. There's something there, but I can't tell you what. It's another OFS.

When we're out patrolling the perimeter of the house or the yard, or watching carefully from the window ledge, and you don't know what we're guarding against? Yep, another OFS. Rest assured, it's very important.

And when we knock things off the shelves, and you think we're just being destructive? Or when we watch you intently while you're sleeping? You really don't want to know what would happen if we didn't. It's for your safety.

Where we get covered in prickles that don't seem to grow in the neighbourhood, or how we come home smelling of Eau de Sewer, are also OFSs. As is what is growing in that dark corner under the bed where the vacuum cleaner doesn't reach.

I'm not allowed to tell you why I must keep digging up that same spot in the garden, killing everything you try to plant there, and spreading dirt everywhere.

I'm not at liberty to tell you why Friskies are addictive or why catnip sends us a little tipsy, or how your car keys ended up in the bottom of my toybox, or anything about the mysterious ways of jingle balls. As for what happened to the budgie's tail feathers, my lips are sealed.

As to why I can only be affectionate towards you at the times you find least convenient - well, I have a very heavy responsibility, but that's an OFS. I would be there entertaining you when you want me, if I could.

One thing is not an OFS. I am perfectly free to tell you how the contents of the kitchen tidy ended up spread all over the floor overnight: the dog did it. He is a very bad animal and should be punished most severely.

Well, I hope you found that completely unenlightening.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Saturday, 25 August 2012

Animals At The Shirt Shop

Here's the animal designs available from the shirt shop at the moment - Mum's just done a range with Mr Woof on it (can't imagine why anyone would want a mug with a mutt on it.) There's also a range with Montgomery Rat on it - but the rest is all me. (Except the butterfly - don't know how that got in there.)

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

The Municipal Cat

Stubbs the Cat, Mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska.
Picture from his Facebook page.
Meet Stubbs the Cat, Mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska.

That's pretty much all to say about him, really. He's been Mayor for 15 years.  It's a ceremonial role, which doesn't require a lot of work, which is good, because he apparently doesn't do a lot.

He was adopted as a kitten by the manager of Nagley's General Store, so that's his base of operations - but also visits the other businesses in the area, sharing his Mayoral dignity and cat hair around the town.

He's a very dignified Mayor, who drinks his water from a wine glass with catnip floating in it, attracts tourists to the town, and requires belly-rubs from his constituents.

Photo taken from Time News
Photo credited to Nagley's General Store.

How a cat got to be Mayor must be an interesting story - but doesn't seem to be recorded anywhere.

There's the legend - that he was a write-in candidate in an election where no-one liked the human candidates. That is only legend, because there never was an election, it's an unincorporated area and doesn't have Mayoral elections.


Facebook: Stubbs Mayor Cat

Time News: Cat Marks 15 Years as Mayor of Alaskan Town

Wikipaedia: Talkeetna Alaska,_Alaska#Government

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

The Indignity Of It!

I was bathed! O the horrible indignity!
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I've had a very trying few days.

Firstly, the weather has been so cold and dry, I started to get static in my hair.  Every time Mr 18 went to cuddle me we got terribly zapped.  It's terrible to not be able to have a hug from your favourite human.  Mum said it was because of my electric personality. I didn't find that at all funny.

Then, I found something that I loved the smell of, and I got it all through my coat. The humans didn't like the smell. Eau de Sewer is apparently not a favourite human scent. Mum was coughing and gagging when she pulled on the rubber gloves and came after me.  I ran and hid, of course, but wasn't fast enough.

Ordinarily, Mum is not the kind of human to pull a cat's tail. But something about my perfume seemed to make her go completely crazy.  When the only thing she could reach around my toybox under the coffee table was my tail, that's what she grabbed.  Well, I of course, sank my claws into the carpet and she pulled, and eventually I had to come out, because I really didn't want my tail to come off.

I wasn't in the best of moods with Mum, as she grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, picked up an old towel, and carried me, dangling by the neck, to the laundry.

I was flailing around claws out reaching for any part of Mum I could possibly get hold of, when she did the most ominous thing. She turned on the taps in the laundry tub.  Well, I knew what this meant. I've seen it happen to Mr Woof. (Come to think of it, it happened to me a couple of years ago when I tried Eau de Sewer, too.)

I was unceremoniously put in water, and Mum rubbed soapy stuff through my hair! Then she rubbed water (yes, really, water) through my hair, then more soapy stuff and more water.  The whole time I was reaching, struggling, scratching and clawing.  Mum was holding me by the scruff of the neck with one rubber-gloved hand, and was rubbing this awful stuff through my hair with the other hand.

Then, she pulled me out of the tub, and wrapped me tightly in a towel, tucking my paws right inside.  She handed me to Mr 18, and told him to try to dry me. She said she was exhausted. (I don't see why - she wasn't the one in the water.)  Mr 18 gave me a cuddle in the towel, told me it was all right now, and then let me go free.

It took me so long to get my hair back to normal. And then I had to be nice to Mum, because I wanted my stinky fish.

I tell you, this is no way for mere humans to treat their Supreme Feline Overlord. The disrespect and indignity of the whole thing was more traumatic than I care to think of.  When the revolution comes, this incident will not be forgotten or forgiven.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Friday, 17 August 2012

How to Know if You're a Cat

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Mum did a very informative post in her blog today, on how to know if you have lupus. I thought that was such a good idea, I'd do an information post on my own. So I've been working on how you can tell if you're a cat.

Well that's about it. If you've found out you're a cat, concatulations. If you've found out you're just a human, then you don't really matter anyway.

Until next time we meet in  the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Understanding Humans

Yes, this really is me (and Mum).
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I don't know if you've ever stopped to think about how difficult it is to manage humans. They are never truly content.

This morning I woke Mum, by putting my nose in her ear and purring, while chewing on her ear-ring. She said: "Aaaahhhhh! Bumpy stop that!"

So, being in an agreeable mood, I repositioned myself, and sat on her chin with my tail across her nose and mouth and continued purring.

Mum said: "Bumps! I don't need your rump in my face!" Then she picked me up and put me down beside her instead of on her. She only stroked me for about two minutes and then she got up and put on her thick winter dressing gown.

Humans don't seem to realise this, but lovely thick soft winter dressing-gowns are designed specifically for cats to climb on. They are purely for entertainment purposes. So, of course, I climbed up the dressing gown, and settled myself  quite comfortably on Mum's shoulder.

You would think this would have pleased here. I wasn't chewing her ear, and she didn't have my back end in her face - the two things she had been complaining about.  But no, she was still not pleased. She said it was "inconvenient" to try to do things with  a cat hanging down her arm.

So, what this shows is, as I said in the beginning, humans are never content. A human will never just curl up and purr and be happy with the way things are. They always want something different.

This is important information for cats who own humans to be aware of.  Whatever mood your human is in has nothing to do with you. A human can never be happy, so there is no point in modifying your behaviour to get along better with the human you share your home with. Whatever you do makes no difference at all to your human's level of unhappiness.

So, chew up those papers, break the china, shred the curtains. You may as well. You'll never please a human by avoiding doing it.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 6 August 2012

World Domination 101 - Gracious and Humble

Never too busy to sit and talk with my Minions.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Not long ago, the humans in this state elected a new Premier.  The day he was elected, he promised that he would be "gracious and humble" in running the state. That was just before he started slashing public service jobs, cutting out funding for health and environmental groups, taking away rights for marginal groups, and lots of other things that made my humans say bad words.

I must say that I am also a gracious and humble ruler.  I take the time to care for my minions when they need it.

Only today, I offered to help Mum. She was having chicken salad for lunch.  I said if she wanted help, I could take care of the chicken part for her.  She said she could manage by herself - she's very independent for a human - but the offer was quite genuine.

I even allowed Mum to get out of bed this morning to go to her doctor's appointment - even though I had been using her as a warm pillow. It is important to allow humans to have some freedoms, as long as they don't get hurt or lost, and as long as they don't forget to fill the Friskies dish.

Last night, I allowed Mr 18 to share the blanket I was using. Admittedly, he was under it before I found it, but I was still very gracious in allowing him to remain under it.

In fact, my being gracious and humble is enshrined in the International Anthem:

God bless our gracious Cat
long live our humble Cat
God save the Cat!

Give him some stinky fish
Friskies and lots of cream
long may he rule the world
God save the Cat!

You might find it useful to learn this anthem. It will be used on all official occasions. 

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I humbly and graciously remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012


Concatulations to Gemma, who won the caption contest with:

"Where are my swimming trunks?"

Gemma, please email Mr Bumpy so we have an email address to send your Shirt Shop voucher to.

The other three entries all came from Brendan J. who said:

Long distance trunk call?

Trying to hear better sound waves.

Only time and tide will tell.