|"He even looked guilty." - Mr Bumpy.|
Those of you fortunate enough to have my Habits of Effective Cats 2013 Calendar will know that a highly effective cat always has someone to blame.
This past week, some terrible things have happened to me. First, I was grounded completely for a whole day! And since then, the humans have been keeping the door shut, so I have to ask to be let in and out of the house!
Well, clearly this was someone's fault.
I did my best Sherlock Holmes impression. I examined all the evidence, and came to the only logical conclusion: Mr Woof was guilty. He even looked guilty.
"I wasn't!" - Mr Woof. Doggsbody.
"Idiot cat." - Rupert Rat, Rat Collective Organiser.
"Twit, twit, twit!" - Sapphire Budgie.
Of course, I couldn't let him get away with that. I won't have that kind of disrespect in my dominion.
"Of course, you won't." - Chester Rat.
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Want to leave your tail next to our cage?" - Montgomery Rat.
"Tweeeeeet!" - Fang Budgie.
What I did was so incredibly awesome, I impressed even myself. I mean, I know I'm great, but this was better than great.
I saw Mr Woof sitting in front of the fan in the lounge room.
"I wasn't doing anything wrong." - Mr Woof.
I looked around. There didn't seem to be any humans watching.
So I did this amazing two and a half metre pounce from the hallway to the lounge room, landing with my paws wrapped around Mr Woof, my claws in his back and my teeth in his neck.
"It hurt a lot." - Mr Woof.
I did a crocodile-style death-roll, turning him over three or four times. You should have seen it. He tried to put his paws up and push me away, but he's got arthritis and he's not strong enough for a young cat like me.
"You're mean." - Mr Woof.
"Yes, he is." - Montgomery Rat.
Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, Mum got me by the scruff of the neck and tried to pick me up. I was still hanging on to Mr Woof so strongly that she picked us both up by the scruff of my neck, and had to manually separate us.
Mum called me a "very bad cat", which is human for "you've done something incredibly awesome."
Mr Woof's been crying all day, and won't let Mum out of his sight. He even insisted on going to the bathroom with her.
Oh, what a great day! I am such an awesome cat!
Well, until we meet next time in the Bloggosphere,
Supreme Feline Overlord.