Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Understanding Humans: Evolutionary Failure

"It's amazing the species (humanity) is not yet extinct."
- Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Next in our series on "Understanding Humans" is the problem of their evolution. Something went seriously wrong in the evolution of humans, resulting in them being inferior to cats in almost every way.  In fact, it is quite amazing that the species is not yet extinct, given how poorly adapted they are for survival.

Let's have a look at some of their shortcomings.

  • Their hair is inappropriately distributed. Instead of providing insulation and protection from the weather for their entire bodies, it is gathered together mostly in one clump on their heads.  (Some don't even have that.) That provides so little protection, that humans have had to manufacture other coverings for themselves (sometimes wearing the fur of other species!)
  • Their claws are utterly useless. Sometimes they paint them red, to pretend they've got the blood of prey on them, but really, who could hunt with those fragile, blunt things?
  • They only know how to walk on two of their legs. This leaves them very unstable.  If you run under their feet when they are walking, they lose their balance and can even fall over, because they just don't have the stability of having four feet on the ground.
  • They are so bad at personal grooming - that they need tools for it. They need water to bath themselves. They use a thing called a brush to tidy the little bit of hair they have. 
  • They don't understand what is and is not food. They think things like birds and rats are friends and companions!
  • They have no basic survival skills. Mum could not climb a tree if her life depended on it. 
  • They don't understand nutrition. They eat things called fruits and vegetables, that no sane cat would ever eat.
  • They insist that nights are for staying inside and sleeping, having no idea that night is the best prowling and hunting time.
There is only one evolutionary advantage I have observed in humans - they have thumbs.  Thumbs are useful for tasks like opening cans, pouring Friskies out of the box, opening and pouring cream.  I would like thumbs, but not if I had to have all the problems humans have as well.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain, 
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.


  1. Well thought out and eloquent Mr Bumpy. You are the best!

  2. I really do enjoy your guiding us into a world of fanciful concepts and animals to humans interactions. BJ


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