Monday, 30 April 2012

A Dream Come True!

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

My dream has at last come true! I have found Friskies in a pack that I can open for myself.


Mum brought home a big bag, instead of the usual cardboard box.  I found it doing my usual check of the grocery bags and was so excited!

I'd worked out the secret and had the bag open and Friskies served in under a minute!  I am one happy cat!

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Very full, Bloggercat.

Humans' Dumb Rules

They would not open the security door because I
was carrying a dead mouse. See rule #1.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

 I thought you might like to know about the horrendous conditions I live and work under. To that end, I'm going  to share with you some of the more ridiculous rules that humans have instituted around the NTBTS household.

I can't eat it if it lives in a cage. See rule #2
This lizard? He's a new friend. I wasn't planning to eat him.
See rule #3

Come on! Isn't that fat little tummy an invitation
to pounce? See rule #5
How would she know the alarm hasn't gone off yet,
if I didn't tell her? See rule #9
You're more than welcome to share my Friskies
and water. See rule #10
  1. The house is a corpse-free zone. I am not allowed to bring dead mice, grasshoppers, etc inside. Humans have serious double standards here. I have seen humans bring dead chickens or bits of other dead animals inside, cook them and eat them (and only saving small amounts for Mr Woof and for me). I don't see what the difference is if I bring in my own meat. I'm even willing to share! I have left gifts of my specially-caught food in Mum's slipper, under her bed, and even among the gifts under the Christmas tree. I'm not being selfish about it at all.
  2. Don't eat anything that lives in a cage. They keep rats in a cage, and birds in a cage. These things are food, are they not? If I found a rat in the yard no-one would object to me making a snack of it! Just because it's in a cage makes all the difference.
  3. It's OK to hunt wild rats and mice, grasshoppers who would eat the garden, even feral mina birds.  But I'm not to hunt native birds and lizards! Seriously, how illogical is that?  If it moves I hunt it. I may not look like a lion, but it's in my DNA to take down the wild beasts in my environment and devour them. I am king of the back yard!
  4. Lock up time makes no sense at all. They set a random time at night (which let's face it is the best hunting time), and say everyone has to be inside and the doors are locked.  This is because they all like to sleep during the night. Hello? Why do you think I nap for 20 hours a day? It's so I've got four good active hours in the middle of the night! Worst of all is the undignified way Mum calls us for lock up time: "Woof! Bumpy! Get your hairy little butts inside!" I'm sure every animal in the street hears that and laughs at us.
  5. No sneak attacks, sneak pounces, sneak biting or scratching of the dog. (In fact, no open attacks, pounces, biting or scratching of the dog.) Seriously! What have we got a dog for if it's not to play with him?
  6. No drinking out of the toilet. This one's really stupid. The water in the toilet gets changed at least half a dozen times a day, and no-one drinks it. The water in my bowl gets changed once a day (if I'm lucky)  and a dog slobbers in it regularly. Of course I prefer to drink out of the toilet. It's far more hygienic.
  7. Stay off the dining table, especially when people are eating. Well really. My bowl's on the floor. I don't insist they stay off the floor when I'm eating. 
  8. Stay out of the china cabinet? Why? Isn't that where the precious, decorative things go? Aren't I the most precious, decorative thing in the house?
  9. Don't wake Mum before the alarm goes off. Really that is just too stupid for words.  How will she know it's time to get up if she's not already awake to hear the alarm?
  10. Don't eat out of the people's dishes. Now, that's just plain selfish.  I don't say, "No, you can't share my Friskies or my water." 
I don't know about you, but I suspect that humans are the most irrational creatures on the planet! Because they're big, they sometimes make the mistake of thinking they're in charge and can make rules for much smarter animals than them. The rules they make are totally non-sensical of course, just as they are. Oh well, they are big, as well as dumb, and that gives them a certain degree of power.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere, 
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat.

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Meet Viiru

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I want you to meet my twitter minion Viiru.  His blog's in Finnish, and when you translate to English, it's still a little hard to follow. (But it's easier than Finnish - because I don't know Finnish at all.) You can find him at viiruthecat.blogspot.com.

But the other place you can find him is YouTube, and this is where you get to discover he is really amazing! Take a look at the instructional video he made for other cats who want to learn how to use the toilet.


Mum was OK with this right up to the toilet paper part, and then said, "No, Bumpy, you won't be trying that."

I don't know. I think Viiru's pretty awesome. And he knows to wash his paws when his finished.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat




Saturday, 21 April 2012

Why Dogs Can't Use Computers

awesomeanimals.cheezburger.com

10. He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
9. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
8. Saliva-coated CD's refuse to work.
7. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
6. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he's browsing www.purina.com instead of working.
5. The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
4. He can't help attacking the screen when he hears "You've Got Mail".
3. It's too messy to "mark" every Web site he visits.
2. The FETCH command isn't available on all platforms.
1. He can't stick his head out of Windows XP.

Joke copyright unknown.
Thank you Ritesh G. for emailing it.

UPDATE: My Twitter Minion, LoupiCat tells me the real reason the dog can't use the computer is because the cat hasn't finished with it yet!

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Demon Cat

Licks and tail wags everyone.

I want to tell you a story about when Mr Bumpy was new here.  (Don't tell him I'm telling you this - I'll get so many nose scratches and surprise pounces out of it.)

He looks innocent, sniffing his catnip, doesn't he?

Not long after the humans brought Mr Bumpy home strange things began to happen here.

Mum used to have all these angel ornaments on top of all the bookshelves.  They were presents she'd been given.

Every day when Mum came home from work and Mr 18 and Miss 20 (who were both much younger then) came home from school, there'd be an angel broken on the floor.

I don't know if you've ever heard it in your house, but in our house: "Mum! There's bits of angel all over the floor again!" became a very common catch-cry.

Mum took the couple of angels that were really important to her, and put them behind glass where no cat could go.  Day by day, the angel population decreased.

Then Mr Bumpy discovered a new trick.  The humans would come home to find an angel or two turned. Instead of facing into the room, they were facing the wall. Mum would straighten them up, but the next day, while the humans were out, they'd be turned again.

That's when Mum started calling Mr Bumpy the "demon cat" because he just loved to make angels fall, and if he couldn't make them fall, he'd turn them.
Don't tell Mr Bumpy I told you this -
 Mr Woof, Doggsbody.

Mr 18, who as I said wasn't 18 then at all, had another theory.  He said if black cats were supposed to be evil, then half-black cats must be only half evil. So Mr Bumpy must be only half demonic.

Eventually the angel collection was reduced to just the special ones Mum put where Mr Bumpy couldn't get them, and some that she put out in the garden. (Bumps leaves them alone out there. No-one knows why.)

Over time, Mr Bumpy stopped being called "demon" or "evil", although sometimes I wonder if maybe those words were really more appropriate than the "bad cat" he gets called when he attacks me or threatens the birds or the rats.

He does still sometimes get called an "environmental disaster", because of the greenhouse gas emissions he produces, but that's probably another story.

Anyway, I better go before Mr Bumpy finds I've got the computer.

Have a great day. Lots of licks. Hope you've found a nice patch of sunlight for your nap-time!

Mr Woof,
Doggsbody.

Monday, 16 April 2012

Video: Penguin recovers

Video: Penguin recovers:

'via Blog this'

Awesome animal story: kidnap victim Dirk, the fairy penguin has been found and is now home safe.

Dog Show

Hey Everyone, do you want to see dogs being really clever? Watch this video.  Don't tell Mr Bumpy I showed it to you, though. You know what he thinks of dogs. Mr Woof, Doggsbody.


Thanks Lyndal R. for letting us know about this awesome trainer and his amazing dogs!

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Paw De Deux


One of my minions on Twitter sent me the link to this deep and meaningful French movie. I think you'll love this cat as much as I do! - Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Animal Thoughts



















Copyright of all images is unknown. Thank you Elsie C for forwarding them to us!

It's Windsday!

I've had such a busy morning!
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Autumn has finally arrived in Brisbane! I know because when I woke up this morning it was cool and there was some wind - and the air conditioner wasn't even on!

I woke up feeling cool and listening to the wind, and got so excited that the weather had changed. I woke Mum up to tell her. She rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke her up again. She stroked me and went back to sleep. I woke her up using my claws and teeth, and she picked me up and threw me out of the bedroom and shut the door.

A couple of hours later, when the alarm went off, Mum got up to enjoy the autumn weather with me.

I rushed ahead of her to the laundry, for my Friskies; but the box wasn't on top of the washing machine.  Mum found it on the floor behind the machine. She had to move the washing machine to get it. "You tried to serve yourself already?" she said. Of course I did. It's a windy autumn day, you don't stay still on a windy autumn day.

Once I'd had a big serve of Friskies, I found Mum and Mr 18 having their breakfast. I saw them as I rocketed past from the laundry, through the garage and dining room and out to the courtyard.  In the courtyard, I flattened myself because I was divebombed by a mina bird. (Someone told the mina birds it's autumn as well, apparently.)

Then I lept up, zoomed back through the dining room and garage, skidded into the garage door. I leapt up in the air, and went flying back through the garage and dining room to the courtyard.

Mum and Mr 18 watched me.

"Is he being chased by something that doesn't exist?" Mum asked.

"Schizophrenia?" said Mr 18.

"Would explain a lot," said Mum.

Mr 18 agreed with her.

I did a magnificent pirouette, and broke the sound barrier as I flew back into the lounge room and skittered along the china cabinet.

Mr 18 caught a flying Royal Doulton milk jug, in a great one-handed catch and put it back in its place.

"Maybe he's like a shark," he said. "If he stops moving he'll die."

"That will cause a problem when he has his 900 naps of the day," Mum said.

"Good point," said Mr 18.

I'd spun out in the garage again by this time and headed back for a return circuit.

I miscalculated the doorway from the dining room into the courtyard, and went splat head-first into the glass door. Then I decided to have a nap.

"Oh look," said Mum, "he can stay still."

I don't know what happened after that - when I woke up everyone had gone.

Well, that was my morning.  I hope you enjoy this windy autumn day too.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat

Monday, 2 April 2012

When I Rule the World

Awesome Animals
No, the cat in the picture isn't me. He's one of many doubles,
so potential assassins will be confused. This one is named
"Fodder" as in Canon Fodder.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I've been thinking about my benevolent policies for when I have total world domination. Here are some of the things that will be different about the world when I am in charge.

  • Catnip farms will have a government subsidy.
  • There will be no "waiting for the alarm". Breakfast Friskies will be served when I want them.
  • Humans will do as they're told.
  • Every day will be Caturday.
  • Daily serves of cream and stinky fish will be mandatory.
  • Dogs will know their place - which is out of the cats' way.
  • Playtime will be 2am and sleep time will be 2pm.
  • Jingle balls will be freely available.
  • Flea treatment will be unnecessary, because being a flea will be illegal.
There's lots of other policies I need to work on. But it's nap time now. Yawn! I'll work on them another day.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat.