Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Ten Habits of a Highly Effective Cat

Highly effective cats like me always
know the most comfortable spots.
I want to share with you my vast wisdom from approximately seven years of being a cat. These are the rules I live by - the things that make me so good at being a cat.

  1. Have sufficient sleep. If I miss my after-breakfast-but-before-morning-tea-nap, I know that my whole day will be ruined. A truly effective cat sleeps at least 20 hours per day. This allows for maximum eating, destruction, prowling, and just general cattiness in the other four.
  2. Know who to blame. It doesn't matter what goes wrong, I always scratch or bite Mr Woof over it.  That way the stress is released.  Humans have terrible lives, because they constantly suffer from stress. An effective cat knows that stress is unhealthy, and releases it as soon as possible. Always having someone to blame makes this much easier.
  3. Protect your family. That psycho dog around the corner that jumped up in the air and bit Mr Woof's arthritic leg, when Mum was holding Mr Woof over her head trying to keep him out of reach? That dog has been suitably punished. Mr Woof is my dog. I am the only one who can hurt him. 
  4. Know the neighbours and the neighbourhood. A couple of years ago, there was a huge storm in our suburb. Trees were knocked over all through our street, houses lost their roofs.  Mum ad Mr 18 (who was only 15 or 16 then) were looking at the mess in our yard, and trying to work out how to get the remains of someone's carport dislodged from under the clothes line. A man they didn't know, came from across the street to check that I was OK. He was retired, so he had time to hang out with me when my humans were at work and school. We were really good friends, and my humans had no idea.
  5. If it's in your house and moves, kill it. I know Mum has some objections to this habit of mine. But if the moving thing under her blanket was some day something other than her foot, or hand, or whatever, she would really appreciate my diligence in this area.
  6. Check everything for yourself. Mum may say she's making people food and I won't want it, but how will I know she's telling the truth unless I get up on the bench and stick my head right in front of what she's doing? Yes, she yells and someone comes and drags me away, but if I don't check for myself I have to take a human's word for it.
  7. Learn how to take your collar off - especially if it's got a tag with your name and phone number. Let's face it, there are some times you just don't want to be identified. You know what I'm talking about. (And so does the psycho dog around the corner.)
  8. Even if you don't win straight away, keep working at it and aim to win. When the kookaburra and I got into a fight, the humans took us both to the vets.  I walked out, kooka didn't.  The humans were mad at me over that, but they they're only humans and don't understand the principle at stake. The vet told me not to fight with anything that eats carrion because their bites always get infected, but he doesn't understand a cat's honour.
  9. Know the most comfortable spots in the house. You won't get good quality naps if you're not in the most comfortable spot.  I go for the furry blankey on a cool day, on top of a warm human at night, and in the shade in the catnip patch on a warm afternoon. 
  10. Keep your humans properly trained. Always make sure they get up to give you stinky fish and Friskies on time.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Where Did My Sunshine Go?

Enjoying my patch of sunlight in happier days.


Sunshine in the courtyard makes me happy.
Sunshine on my fur can make me warm.
Sunshine on my coat just looks so lovely.
Sunshine almost always makes me purr.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I'm afraid I have to report a terrible crime.  Someone has stolen my morning patch of sunshine.

This morning, I asked Mum to open the door to the courtyard so I could go out and enjoy my sunshine the way I always do.

Mum said, "Are you sure, Bumps? It's a bit cold out there."

Well, I insisted, I really did want to go out. It may be cold, but my patch of sunshine always warms me right up.

But something terrible had happened! My patch of sunlight was missing!

This morning, my patch of sunlight was missing!
I looked back at Mum, totally shocked!

"I did tell you," she said.

But where did my sunlight go?

Mr 18 said, "Your sunlight's gone away because it doesn't like you any more."

That can't be right. My patch of sunlight loves me!

Mum said: "It will be back in a few months. And don't beat Woof up, it's not his fault."

Well, if it's not Mr Woof's fault, whose is it I ask? Where has my sunlight gone? I can't believe it left me voluntarily, ipso facto, someone stole it!

Please keep an eye out for my patch of sunlight. It's very bright and very warm, and really nice to sit in.  If you see it, please email me.  I don't care where it is, or who has it, I'll come and get it. If you know who stole it, call Crimestoppers. Actually, this is a major offence that's happening now. If you know whose got my sunlight, just call the 000 emergency number.

As you might guess, I'm still in shock, at being the victim of such a horrendous crime. I need to go have a nap, if I can find somewhere warm.  (Maybe I'll take Mr Woof's bed. He's warming it up right now so all I have to do is chase him out of it.)

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
(very cold and distressed) Bloggercat.

Thursday, 17 May 2012

A Quick Joke

Mum's been sick. I'm keeping a close eye on her.
My blog posts aren't as regular as usual.
-Mr Bumpy, bloggercat
Here's a couple of choice items from @catofduty3



Purranoia - The irrational fear that the cat is up to something. (Mum says that if I'm the cat in question, it's not irrational.)


Offensive language warning with this following clip (but the clip is very funny).


Monday, 14 May 2012

Things To Make You Go Awwwwww!
























Copyright for these awwwww-some animal pics are unknown. Thanks to Lyndal R. for forwarding them.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Fast and Funny Feline Jokes




Thanks to Twitter Minion @catofduty3 for sending me these!

I wish to make it purrectly plain that I have not been visiting dog adoption sites. If Mum (who sometimes uses my computer) has been, I will be very disappointed. I will also want to be the one to tell Mr Woof he's being replaced. - Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.

Monday, 7 May 2012

Getting Colder

Camouflage? No. Just a cold dog in a furry blankey.
The furry blankeys are very popular at the moment.

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

It's late autumn here in Brisbane, and in the NTBTS household, things are cooling down quite a bit.

The furry blankeys on the lounge chairs are suddenly very popular with both humans and animals!

Mum asked when Mr Woof planned to come out from under the one he claimed - and it seems that it will be around half-past spring. In his favour, he is willing to have humans sit with him and share the blankey, as long as they scratch him while they do it.

He objects to me sitting beside him, sharing the blankey and scratching him. I am certain I scratch far more effectively than the humans do, but for reasons I can't comprehend, Mr Woof prefers to have them scratch him.

I must confess that I did leave the other furry blankey for a while last night - only because it was warmer in Mum's bed.

I find I'm feeling very cuddly at the moment.  The humans, however, aren't keen to cuddle me, as I'm in the process of changing from my summer coat into my winter one, and I leave bits of my summer coat all over them.

They have such a limited supply of hair of their own, confined mostly to their heads, that one would think they would appreciate a little extra hair to help them keep warm. They do not. This is one of the many strange, illogical, things about humans, that I fail to understand. They will put on extra coats - but do not appreciate the coat I am willing to share with them.

The curious habits of humans do fascinate me! They are very entertaining creatures in their own way, although, as I have said, completely irrational.

Well, that's life in the NTBTS household at the moment. I hope wherever you are, you are staying warm.

Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat

Friday, 4 May 2012

Mum's Purrrthday

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere.
It's Mum's Purrthday today, so I thought you might like to know all about Mum.

Mum's favourite food is: Pills


she eats them for every meal.

Mum's favourite drink is: Coffee


it's the first thing she has every day.

Mum's favourite time to wake up is: An hour or two before the alarm


it's our special time together.

Mum's favourite toy is: The Computer


because she uses it to help me with my blog.

Her favourite present is: Dead Mice


but for some reason she doesn't want them in the house.

The thing she doesn't like is: Mr Woof


because he's always hanging around and bothering her.

Do I get a say here? - Mr Woof, Doggsbody.
No, you don't! - Mr Bumpy, Bloggercat.

So that's everything anyone ever needed to know about Mum.

Happy Purrthday Mum!


Until next time we meet in the bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat.