|Mum's bed is neutral territory - Mr Bumpy.|
Mr Woof's been wanting to do another awesome animal interview, and I've decided to let him interview the most awesome animal I know - ME! After all, if I'm going to become Prime Minispurr, I need to be used to having journalists interview me.
Mr Woof agreed to do the interview, as long as we did it on Mum's bed. That runs the risk that we'll both fall asleep and have long naps instead of an interview, but he wants to do it there because it's neutral territory. Mum is like the United Nations - she strictly enforces her non-aggression policy when we're on her bed. I can't attack him if I don't like his questions.
So, here is our interview. I hope you find it informative and will consider voting for me at the next election.
Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
Supreme Feline Overlord.
Mr Woof's Interview With Mr Bumpy
MR WOOF: Mr Bumpy, do you think Australia is ready for a feline Prime Minister? Will people accept you?
MR BUMPY: Not that long ago, we had only ever had men as Prime Minispurrs. Then Ms Gillard took over and showed that women could do the job just as well. Once I take over, I wills how that cats can do the job just as well as humans, better, in fact.
MR WOOF: What do you think makes you qualified to be Prime Minister.
MR BUMPY: I'd look really good on a magazine cover. And I know how to make humans do what I want, most of the time.
MR WOOF: So tell me about your platform.
MR BUMPY: That's a strange question! Well, it's made of wood, and covered with a furry fabric, and it sits on top of a scratching post that's got ropey stuff around it. It lifts me up to just the right level for humans to stroke me as they walk past and...
MR WOOF: Not that platform, Bumps! Tell me about your political platform. What policies are you standing for Government on?
MR BUMPY: I've got lots of awesome policies. Friskies, stinky fish and cream will be free. Humans will do as they're told. Cats will not have to come in at lock-up time and silly rules like "no corpses in the house" will be illegal.
MR WOOF: And how are you going to fund your policies?
MR BUMPY: Oh, yes, they will be lots of fun. At least for cats.
MR WOOF: How are you going to pay for the Friskies, fish and cream?
MR BUMPY: I'm not paying for it. It's free. You really need to listen more carefully.
MR WOOF: I know you said they're free. But they cost money to get them. Where is that coming from?
MR BUMPY: Do they?
MR WOOF: Yes, Mum pays for them.
MR BUMPY: Well, I guess she can keep paying for them. Although maybe she can't pay for them for all the cats - the other humans will have to help her.
MR WOOF: So your fiscal plan is for humans to pay for stinky fish, Friskies and cream for cats?
MR BUMPY: Yes, that's it. Exactly.
MR WOOF: How is that any different from how things are now?
MR BUMPY: It would actually be government policy. If you check the policy documents of the current government, you'll find Ms Gillard does not have a stinky fish policy at all. In fact, I don't believe she's ever mentioned stinky fish anywhere.
MR WOOF: So I suppose, it's different from the Opposition's policy for the same reason?
MR BUMPY: Yes, Mr Abbot doesn't even realise that stinky fish is an issue. Things improved when he changed his public budgie smuggler policy, but he's still a long way from understanding what's really important.
MR WOOF: I think all of Australia would agree with you that the change from budgie smuggler policy was a big improvement. But I don't know that makes you a viable alternative Prime Minister. Do you have a party?
MR BUMPY: Do you think people will vote for me if I have a party? How much Friskies would we need for a really big party?
MR WOOF: A political party, Bumps.
MR BUMPY: Oh, well, I do have a number of minions working with me on the project. So we could have the Australian Feline Pawty up and running soon.
MR WOOF: And one last question... We're moving house. Will that affect your political career in any way?
MR BUMPY: Mr 18 tells me the new flat has it's very own cat door. I'll have more freedom to get things done.
MR WOOF: Well, that's all really, ah, interesting, Mr Bumpy. I'm sure everyone will be interested to see where your campaign goes from here. ...... (And how you react to discovering cat doors can be locked at lock-up time.)