Tuesday, 26 February 2013

It's not a Litter Box!

Hello out there in the Blogggosphere,

There's a lot of sand in Australia.  There's big deserts in the middle, and beaches around the outside.

Because of all the sand, some humans, including politicians, have mistaken Australia for a litter box.

Some people think we don't need to look after it.  Some politicians have been saying they want to get rid of the "green tape" which means industry has to be careful not to hurt the environment

I want more "green tape". It sounds like something fun to play with.  Endless green tape! I want it so hard to damage the environment that companies don't bother, they find ways to do things without causing harm instead. So, I've decided to make Billy, the Feline Pawty Candidate for Wide Bay, the Environment Minispurr when we win the election.   Billy thinks the way I do, he wants to save the planet. That's a big job for a little guinea pig, but I know Billy can do it.

He'll do a better job than a lot of the human politicians are doing now, anyway.  They have a lot of strange ideas. Some of them are saying we need nuclear power, and that will help the environment.  I've checked with the cats at Fukushima and Chernobyl,  and they say that's not really a good idea. If only we had access to sunlight or wind or some other source of power that we didn't have to dig out of the ground!

Some of our politicians really love to dig things out of the ground.  They just love digging.  Here, in Queensland,  the premier has a real love of holes in the ground.  He likes mines, and tunnels. Even when he was Brisbane mayor, he was digging tunnels. Maybe he's wombat. That would explain why he loves digging tunnels.  I'll have to find that out.

Cats aren't that fond of digging, at least, not any deeper than we dig in our littler trays. But green tape?  I'd love a nice big ball of green tape to play with.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Feline Pawty Prime Minispurrrial Candidate.

Monday, 25 February 2013

We Need a Strong Paw

Dugal's huge paw.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I'm sure you've heard about the Feline Pawty's bid for the federal election.

I've been trying to find the best job for my friend Dugal, the candidate for Adelaide in our new government.  He's a big strong cat, with a really big, strong paw.  I'd been thinking of making him Deputy Prime Minispurr, but I think I've found something even more important.

I think I should make him Speakpurr of the Parliament.  That's a job that needs are really, really, strong paw.

One of the things I've been doing lately to learn about politics is to watch Parliament Question Time on television.

You might expect that the Parliament that runs a country as big as Australia would be doing important things, working together to try to make the best decisions for all Australians.  You would be wrong.

Have you ever watched two dogs who have been introduced to each other and have to share a yard?  They have a weeing contest.  They wee all over the place, each trying to have the last and strongest smell.

That's what the humans in Parliament are like.  They're not trying to work together to fix problems and come up with great ideas.  When ever someone comes up with an idea, the other side just wees all over it.  No wonder nothing ever seems to get done.

(I must make a note here.  I know we have some honorary cats in the Feline Pawty, who are, strictly speaking, dogs.  They will all be taken for walkies before Parliament sits so they can be good dogs and not embarrass themselves or the pawty during Parliamentary sittings. It's a pity the human parties don't think to do the same thing.)

The toughest job in the Parliament is the job of the Speakpurr.  The Speakpurr has to try to make all the unrefined, misbehaving, humans, be more civilised.  I've watched the current Speakpurr, Ms Burke, on TV, trying to make the humans behave with some dignity.  She keeps having to tell them they're bad humans and even sends them outside for time out.  She works very hard, and the humans don't show her a lot of respect. Sometimes, they won't go when she sends them to time out and she has to get someone to take them out. They never behave well enough for her to give them treats.

So I think the job of Speakpurr needs a bit strong cat, with big strong paws, like Dugal.

Parliament will be in safe paws with Dugal, I think.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,

Introducing the Candidate for Lingiari

The Feline Pawty Candidate for Lingiari, Northern Territory,  is Loupi.

Like a number of human politicians, such as the Queensland Premier, Loupi lives outside the electorate he's candidating for.

If you want to know more about him, you can read his blog (you may need the translate button) Swiss Cat's Ideas.

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Feline Pawty Media Release #2

Felines Ahead in the Polls

The Feline Pawty is Australia's preferred government, according to an overnight poll.

Last night, the Pawty announced another five candidates, and a poll of one Australian voter returned an amazing 100% support for the Feline Pawty as the preferred Government.

Feline Pawty Leader, Mr Bumpy, said this was really not surprising.  "In Australian politics, there may be several parties, but there's really only two choices, feline or human," he said.

"We've all seen what a mess humans can make of the country, so it's time to let four-legged Australians have our turn."

Keep up-to-date with the latest from the Feline Pawty Campaign at Campaign Central.

All media enquiries to Mr Woof, Doggsbody, contact@mrbumpycat.com.

Friday, 22 February 2013

Announcing the Candidate for Moreton

The Feline Pawty's Cadidate for Moreton (Qld) is honorary cat Dash.

If you live in Moreton and would like to get to know your candidate, he's @MrDashBaker on Twitter.

Announcing the Candidate for Blair

The Feline Pawty Candidate for Blair (Qld) is honorary cat Thomas.

If you live in Blair and would like to know more about your candidate, you can find him @PuppyNumber7 on Twitter.

Announcing the Candidate for South Brisbane

The Feline Pawty Candidate for South Brisbane is honorary cat Widget.  (Widget lives with four cats and has a keen interest in feline issues.)

If you live in South Brisbane and want to get to know your candidate, you can find her @widget_the_wimp on Twitter.

Announcing the Candidate for Fraser

The Feline Pawty Candidate for Fraser, ACT is Bob.

If you're in Bob's electorate and want to know him better, he's @BobtheBellyCat on Twitter.

Keep up to date with Feline Pawty News at Campaign Central.

Announcing the Candidate for Wide Bay

The Feline Pawty Candidate for Wide Bay in Queensland is honorary cat Billy.

Want to know more about Billy?  You can find him on his blog, Billy The Pig.

Feline Pawty Media Release #1

Australia's First Non-human Political Party 
Begins its Federal Election Campaign

The latest force in Australian politics is creating history with everything it does.

Last night, the Feline Pawty announced the first six non-human candidates for an Australian Federal Election.

Party Leader, and candidate for Lilley, Mr Bumpy said he had hopes of fielding candidates in all 150 electorates, and having been able to endorse six candidates in the first night of preselection was an excellent start.

He said he was sure there were enough cats and honorary cats (other non-humans who support cat-related issues) in Australia who felt strongly about feline issues to be able to field a set of strong candidates with a good chance of winning the election and making him Prime Minispurr.

The Pawty's primary policies are:

  1. Free availability of catnip (the shop shouldn't be "sold out" of nip plants)
  2. Getting catnip-flavoured Temptations treats in Australia
  3. Respite care for elderly dogs who fret when their humans are out (so cats don't have to deal with them)
  4. Homelessness - no-one should have to be feral, when there are enough humans in Australia for every cat to own one. In addition all cats should have access to sufficient Friskies, stinky fish and clean drinking water, clean litter, and treats occasionally.
  5. Making Chasing Jingle Balls and Olympic even
  6. Education and training for all humans to make them better servants to cats.
  7. Naps are essential
"One of the unique things about the Feline Pawty, is that our candidates are free to develop their own policies as well, as long as they agree to support the Pawty's primary policies." Mr Bumpy said. "We're not afraid to spell out our policies up-front, not like certain human politicians who say they'll have policies about anything and everything, but really seem to just have a policy of not having a policy."

Media contact: 
Mr Woof, 

Feline Pawty Candidates to date:

State         Seat        Candidate
NSW        Berowra  Gemma
NSW        Sydney    Hoummous
Qld           Griffith     Captain Worm-Sparrow
Qld           Lilley        Mr Bumpy
SA            Adelaide  Dugal 
Vic           Goldstein  Jessie

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Introducing the Candidate for Griffith

The Feline Pawty Candidate for the seat of Griffith in Brisbane, Queensland is Captain Worm-Sparrow.  (This is the seat currently held by former Prime Minispurr Mr Rudd - Captain Worm-Sparrow's got a challenging campaign ahead.)

Want to know more about Captain Worm-Sparrow?  CWS is @clingycat on Twitter.https://twitter.com/clingycat

Introducing the Candidate for Adelaide

The Feline Pawty's Candidate for Adelaide, South Australia, is Dugal.

Dugal's very keen on the Feline Pawty's free catnip policy.
If you want to find out more about Dugal, his blog is Three Aussie Cats.

Introducing the Candidate for Sydney

The Feline Pawty Candidate for Sydney is Hoummous.
Want to know more about Hoummous? Contact @HoummousTheCat on Twitter.

Introducing the Candidate for Berowra

The Feline Pawty's candidate for Berowra in New South Wales is Gemma.

You may notice Gemma's not strictly speaking feline. The Feline Pawty also has members who are "honorary cats".

If you would like to know more about Gemma, you can read her blog, Gemma's Little Gems.

Introducing The Candidate for Goldstein

This is Jessie, the Feline Pawty's candidate for Goldstein in Victoria.

This seat is presently held by Liberal Party's Mr Andrew Robb.  According to Jessie, the seat is " ... a very very blue blood electorate that needs a lot of cat sense to get it back into order! (over-run with mice)."

If you're in the area and want to know more about your candidate, you can find her blog here.


Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

It's time to preselect candidates for the Feline Pawty for the federal election.

So, all my Australian Minions, I'd like you to send me your profiles.

What I need is:

Your photo:
Your name:
Your federal electorate (you can find this from the Electoral Commission's website aec.gov.au.)
Note: If your home electorate is taken, I can put you in another electorate.)

Please send this to me as soon as possible, at contact@mrbumpycat.com, and I'll make your electoral poster.

Here's mine, so you can see what yours will look like.

I'm running for the seat of Lilley, in Queensland.  It's the seat currently held by the treasurer Mr Swan.  

Come on Aussiecats,  let's see if we can have a candidate in every electorate.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Beginning the Campaign

The first of my election campaign posters - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I'm sure you've heard by now that Ms Gillard has called the election for the 14th of September.

She's given us a lot more notice than Prime Minispurrs usually do, but that's to be fair to the new force in Australian Politics - Mr Bumpy's Feline Pawty. Most people haven't heard of us yet, so we need a long campaign time.

Of course, I'm the face of the pawty, because I'm going to be Prime Minispurr. So that decision was easy.

The big, important decision I had to make to start the campaign was, what colour would my pawty be?

Labor already has red. The Liberals and Nationals have blue. The Greens have green. Katter's Australia Party has an Akubra hat (that's not a colour, but they haven't worked that out yet.)

After much consideration, and many naps, I finally decided to make my pawty's colour purple.  I chose purple, because it's a nice colour and I look good against a purple background. Don't you think so?

Well, that's all the important work done.

The election campaign can begin...

A note to my minions - please print out copies of my poster and put them up everywhere. We need maximum coverage.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 18 February 2013

She Loves Bad Boys

I'm bad and proud of it. - Mr Bumpy
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Mr Woof and I are both officially "bad boys" at the moment, according to Mum at any rate.

Mr Woof's bad, which is unusual for him, because it's been raining for days.  No, Mum doesn't think Mr Woof made it rain. She says he's a bad boy because of what he does to avoid going out in the rain.  He wees and poos all over the patio.  Whenever the rain stops, Mum scrubs the patio with bleach, but as soon as the rain starts again, Mr Woof refuses to go out and get his paws wet, so the patio becomes doggy toilet all over again.

I'm a bad boy because I went for an adventure last night.

While Mum had the door open, telling Mr Woof to go out for a wee before bed, and Mr Woof was staying inside saying he didn't want to get his paws wet, I took advantage of the situation and darted outside. Mum's learned she can't catch me, so she did things like calling me for treats, but I didn't come back.

I'm not going to tell you what I did, because that's an OFS (Official Feline Secret), but rest assured it was incredibly awesome and took quite a while. Mum waited up for another hour after her bed-time for me to come home, but I didn't.

I came back in when she took Mr Woof for his midnight wee.  (Mr Woof's got a four-hour bladder at most. Mum says having a very old dog is very much like having a very young baby.)

But, like I said in the title, Mum does love us even when she thinks we're bad boys.  I know that because she still gives us cuddles and treats, and still gave us our Friskies this morning.  (Yes, I know that Mr Woof eats Friskies out of my bowl when he thinks I'm not looking, and that Mum puts in enough for both of us.),

So I'm bad and unrepentant, but I'm still loved.  It's a pretty good life being Supreme Feline Overlord.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

The Night Shift

Mr Bumpy is cat-a-tonic after a hard
night's work.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I don't know if you realise how much work is involved in being a cat on the night shift.

It's quite amazing how unappreciated I find myself when I do a hard shift of night work.

For example, Mr Woof sleeps most of the night, but if around 1am he wakes Mum and says he needs to go out for a wee, Mum calls him a "good dog" and takes him out.  If I've been active the whole night, and wake Mum and ask for a little something to snack on, she calls me a "bad cat" and tells me to go to bed.

Humans just don't understand how hard a cat works during the night.

In one night, I can kill a dangerous magazine and bathmat, rearrange the linen shelves, and thoroughly investigate several bags and boxes. You have no idea what disasters would result if I didn't do this incredibly important work.

Humans, if you belong to a cat who is doing night duty, show him some respect.  Everyone's safety depends on him, and he works very hard to fulfil his responsibility.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 11 February 2013

Parcel for Mr Bumpy

The highs and lows of napping. Mr Woof
and I are enjoying our new house.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Did you know I got a housewarming present? I was the only one who got one, and it came all the way from America. That's because I'm more loved than anyone else.

The day we were going to move, there was a big storm.  Mum said something about a cyclone that had crossed the coast and become a low pressure zone or some such thing, that to me seemed to say she didn't really know anything about it.

But anyway, the storm was very, very bad in some parts of Brisbane, Mum says in lots of parts of the state, not just our city, but really, how big can one storm be?  Well, there was flooding after the storm as well, and the removalists called Mum and said they couldn't come because their truck was stuck, and they'd come the next day instead.

Well, Mum and Mr 18, moved some of the boxes and things that day, to make the big move faster the next day, and they had a bright idea.  Mr 18 and I would sleep in the new place, so I could be safely in my fortress when the removalists arrived the next morning and the strangers wouldn't bother me.

Mr 18 and I slept in the lounge room, with a sleeping bag and a pillow.

@NikePurrfektCat (who was named
after the goddess, not the shoe) sent
me a yummy housewarming gift.
We were woken next morning by someone at the door. It wasn't Mum and the removalists. It was a delivery man. He said he had a parcel for Mr Bumpy.

Mr 18 was only half awake and was confused, because I don't normally get parcels. He picked me up and said, "This is Mr Bumpy."

The delivery man looked at me and at Mr 18 and said Mr 18 would have to sign for me.  Apparently, Australia Post does not accept paw prints as proof of delivery. I can't imagine why that would be.

Mr 18 didn't help me open my parcel, he just looked strangely at it until Mum got there.

@clingycat missed out, because
someone at Customs was hungry
and took his cat treats.
Mum was surprised, as well. She knew it had been sent, but didn't think it would get here.  My Twitter minion @NikePurrfektCat had sent me some American cat treats.  We didn't expect it to arrive, because @NikePurrfektCat had also sent some to @clingycat and those had been taken by Customs.  Mum says maybe different Customs officers understand the rules about cat treats differently.  I think Customs must not have been so hungry on the day mine came through and didn't take mine for a snack.  Either that, or I've received contraband, smuggled from overseas.  (Don't worry, I'll eat the evidence, no-one will be able to prove anything.)

I let Mr Woof share some of the treats, and he agreed they were very good, even though they were catnip treats.

(I was being friends with Mr Woof for a while.  I was a bit unsure of the new house at first, and Mr Woof made it feel safer.  We're back to normal now, and I beat him up whenever I feel like it.)

I really enjoyed my housewarming present,  and there's still some left.  Mum sometimes puts some out in my fortress so I can enjoy them while I watch the world going past.  It really is a good life.

But I have a very important question. Those treats are Temptations.  We get Temptations here in Australia, in fishy flavours, and meat flavours.  So why don't we get catnip flavour Temptations here the same as they do in America?  Must cats be reduced to trying to sneak treats past Customs any time we want to nibble a bit of a nip flavoured treat?

Who makes Temptations? Maybe I should ask them.  Maybe we could take up a petition.

Anyway, I'm heading out to my fortress to watch the world go by, and maybe nibble on a treat.  I think Mum put some out there.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Monday, 4 February 2013

A New Home

"But don't you love me anymore?"
- Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

We've moved.

It was a traumatic experience.  First of all, I was put in the cat box.  I hate the cat box.

My humans love me. Why would they do that to me?

Then we came to the new house.  The first thing I noticed about the new house was that there were noises in the roof. They were loud, scary noises. It was like possums in the roof, but much, much louder.  I thought it was giant possums. I was a bit scared when I heard the giant possums.

Then I saw what it was.  We have four humans, two regular sized humans and two small ones,  and a black dog living in our roof - right up in our roof, really.  The small humans took Mr Woof up there when the removalists came with our stuff.  He says there's a whole house up there - in our roof! Who would have thought that was possible?  I still get a bit spooked when I hear the noises and then I remember it's not giant possums, it's humans and a black dog named Nelson.

"I quite like my fortress of doom."
- Mr Bumpy.
There is something I do rather like about our new home.

I have my very own cat door, which I can go in and out any time I like.  It leads to a special place that's just for me.

Mum called it a cat cage, but Mr 18 corrected her. I'm the Supreme Feline Overlord, so  this is obviously my Fortress of Doom.   A Feline Overlord needs a Fortress of Doom.  I can watch the whole world go past and nothing can get in here.

Mum says she's going to put a catnip plant in here for me as well, which will make it even better.

I did decide to leave a couple of times, and shot out the front door when Mum was taking Mr Woof out for his wee, but usually I'm happy to hang out in my Fortress and watch the world, and know I'm safe from everything.

Well, as you can expect, I'm very busy establishing my control over this new household. I don't want the humans getting any odd ideas about being in charge or anything like that.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.