Monday, 1 July 2013

The Art of Puking

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I want to give you some tips on effective puking.

Firstly the hows:

  • I used to do very well with the hairball puke, before I trained Mr 19 to give me daily brushies. Now I don't really have enough loose hair.  But if you don't get brushies every day,  your regular grooming should be enough to give you a good hairball (especially if you're a long hair.)
  • My current favourite is to gulp down my friskies or stinky fish so fast it just comes up again. This is good, but it means moving quickly to get to a good spot for an effective puke.  That leads me to the more important question, the one this post is mostly about, the wheres of a really effective puke.

The highest point possible is really good.  Bonus points if you can be above something really valuable.    One of my best was over a set of $150-a-volume books from Mum's professional library (when she was still working.)

"The highest point possible is really good." - Mr Bumpy.

On something that is almost impossible to clean is also really good.  Once, I managed to just cover Mum's bedspread with puke.  It was a really big bedspread.  She could barely pick it up, and there was no way it would fit in the washing machine.  She tried taking it to a dry cleaner, but they said they would only take it if she cleaned the cat puke off it first.  She ended up throwing it out.  

I think that was an exemplary cat puke.

Another good place is somewhere they won't find it for a few days.

You could try for under beds, or behind the curtains, or in a cupboard if you can get into one.  

A variation of that is the places the humans have trouble getting to, but cats can reach just fine, like that little space behind the washing machine.

You can always go for maximising inconvenience.

For example, if your human puts their clean clothes out on the bed before getting dressed, that's a good target, or you could try the dog's bed just as he's about to be tucked in for the night. (If you've got a sooky old dog who expects to be tucked in for the night.)  Right in the doorway the humans are going to walk through in the dark or carrying something so they don't see until they step in it is good, too.

Places not to bother (because they're just too easy for the humans to clean up) are outside, in the shower, or on tiled floors.  At the bare minimum, you need to aim for carpet.

I hope you've learned something from this.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord
Feline Pawty Prime Minispurrial Candidate.


  1. Angel Isis was an expert : she was able to puke walking backward, and the result could be not far from 2 m long ! She destroyed at the same time Mum's paper agenda and a major report like this, and was even able to finish her work on the office chair... Loupi

    1. Wow Loupi, That's impressive! Your Mum must have been so proud of her. Mr Bumpy

  2. Being well brushed short hair I don't barf very often but when I do it I plan it for middle of night when huMum asleep and make sure it is left in the exact spot she plonks her bare foot on getting up *sniggers*

    1. I should have known you'd have an excellent technique.

  3. Those are so excellent bomiting tips, Mr. Bumpy. We will practice them every chance we get. ;)

    1. Pawesome. I hope you get an entertaining reaction from your humans. Humans can be so funny!

  4. Cats are expert pukers for sure! woo woo woo!

    1. Yes, we are. Mr Woof has tried a couple of times, but the only really good ones he's managed has been in the car. (One from being car sick, and the other being rushed to the vets after he'd tried to catch a cane toad.)

  5. Thanks for the Puke tips, Mr. Bumpy. I can make big surprises for Granny now..MOL Talking about surprises, I have one left for you on our blog. I hope you like it. Happy Caturday :)

    1. Thanks Little Binky, I very much like my surprise. And I do deserve an award, don't I?

  6. Oh, Paws up! We've stepped all over Dad's keyboard to make sure we hit the Print button and promise to study up on your tips! Which reminds us that the keyboard also makes a great place to puke! Purrs...


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