Wednesday, 4 September 2013

If Anyone Wants Me, I'll Be With My Jingle Ball

"I've decided to be an olympic jingle ball player
instead." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I was sick of politics anyway.

Apparently I can't run for parliament.

I filled in my form and went to the Australian Electoral Commission.

They said I couldn't nominate for the election because I wasn't on the electoral roll.

Then they said I couldn't register the Feline Pawty because it didn't have enough members who were on the electoral roll.

I asked if I could be on the electoral roll.

They asked if I was over 18 years old.

I said no, I'm only seven. They said come back when I'm 18.

Eighteen!  Not even Mr Woof's 18.  He's only 17, and that's so old he's no use for anything. He can't even catch a jingle ball.

It's all a humanist plot.  Most non-human species don't live much longer than 18 years, so the rules are made to keep non-humans out of politics.

I was getting bored with politics anyway.  I'm a superior animal, and shouldn't lower myself to behaving like a human.

So instead of being Prime Minispurr, I've decided to have a career as an olympic champion jingle ball chaser.  I trained for five whole minutes this morning. It's going to take me a couple of hours nap to recover from that.

I know many people will be disappointed at not being able to vote for a non-human party in this election, but don't fear.  I've heard the Greens have a Leadbeater's Possum running somewhere. (Or maybe he's just running their campaign for them, I'm not sure, but they talk about him a lot.) So on Saturday, you may not be able to vote Feline, but you can vote Possum.

Is 18 really old for a possum?  I don't know.  I should ask Honey, she's the Feline Pawty's expert on indigenous animals. I don't know what the possum's policies are, but he should be pro-animal.

If anyone wants me, I'll be with my jingle ball.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Australian Olympic Jingle Ball Team

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Mr Bumpy's Election Nomination Form

First Name: Bumpy (Full Name Mr Bumpy Cat)
Cream - Mr Bumpy's minimum bribe level.

Distinguishing Features: Yes, I'm very distinguished.

Any history of insanity in the family:  Well, my humans do some crazy things like keeping doors closed, and having a "no corpses in the house" rule.

Criminal Record: A little bit of destruction of property, the occasional murder and a breach or two of the "no corpses in the house" rule.

Minimum Bribe Level: Cream

Ambitions in Life: Lots more cream, stinky fish and friskies, and world domination.

Sign here:


The questions on this form were taken from Blackadder the Third, episode Dish and Dishonesty.

Blackadder: Right. Now all we have to do is fill in this MP application form. Name: Baldrick. First name...?
Baldrick: Er, I'm not sure.
Blackadder: Well, you must have some idea...
Baldrick: Well, it might be Sod off.
Blackadder: What?
Baldrick: Well, when I used to play in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes, "Hello, my name's Baldrick," and they'd say, "Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick."
Blackadder: All right, right right right right, Mr. S. Baldrick. Now; distinguishing features... None.
Baldrick: Well, I've got this big growth in the middle of my face.
Blackadder: That's your nose, Baldrick. Now; any history of insanity in the family? Tell you what, I'll cross out the in. Any history of *sanity* in the family? None whatsoever. Now then; criminal record...
Baldrick: Absolutely not.
Blackadder: Oh, come on, Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake! I'll just put fraud and sexual deviancy. Now; minimum bribe level...
Baldrick: One turnip. Oh, hang on, I don't want to price myself out of the market.
Blackadder: Baldrick, I've always been meaning to ask: Do you have any ambitions in life apart from the acquisition of turnips?
Baldrick: Er, no.
Blackadder: So what would you do if I gave you a thousand pounds?
Baldrick: I'd get a little turnip of my own.
Blackadder: So what would you do if I gave you a million pounds?
Baldrick: Oh, that's different. I'd get a great big turnip in the country.
Blackadder: [someone knocks at the door] Oh God, I'll get that. Here
[pushes paper to Baldrick]
Blackadder: , sign here.
[motions where with his hand; Baldrick marks an 'X' on Edmund's palm; Edmund presses his palm against the application]
Script copied from Internet Movie Database (IMDb)

Sunday, 1 September 2013

Surveying the Competition

"I think this lot is good for litter tray
liners."  - Mr Bumpy
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I've been looking at the material being sent out by some of the candidates in my seat of Lilley.

It's a mixed bunch.  The LNP candidate's information doesn't mention anything about this seat apart from its name and his name. Everything else he says is exactly the same as every other LNP candidate is sending out in every other electorate.

Our local Labor candidate does the opposite, he talks about all the local issues, and barely mentions his party.

Well, I've read all the paper they posted out, and I've come to a decision - it would all make great litter tray liners.

You want to vote for someone who's going to be a local member you can count on? Vote Feline.

Until next time we meet in the Blogosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Feline Pawty Prime Minispurrial Candidate.