|Cream - Mr Bumpy's minimum bribe level.|
Distinguishing Features: Yes, I'm very distinguished.
Any history of insanity in the family: Well, my humans do some crazy things like keeping doors closed, and having a "no corpses in the house" rule.
Criminal Record: A little bit of destruction of property, the occasional murder and a breach or two of the "no corpses in the house" rule.
Minimum Bribe Level: Cream
Ambitions in Life: Lots more cream, stinky fish and friskies, and world domination.
Blackadder: Right. Now all we have to do is fill in this MP application form. Name: Baldrick. First name...?
Baldrick: Er, I'm not sure.
Blackadder: Well, you must have some idea...
Baldrick: Well, it might be Sod off.
Baldrick: Well, when I used to play in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes, "Hello, my name's Baldrick," and they'd say, "Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick."
Blackadder: All right, right right right right, Mr. S. Baldrick. Now; distinguishing features... None.
Baldrick: Well, I've got this big growth in the middle of my face.
Blackadder: That's your nose, Baldrick. Now; any history of insanity in the family? Tell you what, I'll cross out the in. Any history of *sanity* in the family? None whatsoever. Now then; criminal record...
Baldrick: Absolutely not.
Blackadder: Oh, come on, Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake! I'll just put fraud and sexual deviancy. Now; minimum bribe level...
Baldrick: One turnip. Oh, hang on, I don't want to price myself out of the market.
Blackadder: Baldrick, I've always been meaning to ask: Do you have any ambitions in life apart from the acquisition of turnips?
Baldrick: Er, no.
Blackadder: So what would you do if I gave you a thousand pounds?
Baldrick: I'd get a little turnip of my own.
Blackadder: So what would you do if I gave you a million pounds?
Baldrick: Oh, that's different. I'd get a great big turnip in the country.
Blackadder: [someone knocks at the door] Oh God, I'll get that. Here
[pushes paper to Baldrick]
Blackadder: , sign here.
[motions where with his hand; Baldrick marks an 'X' on Edmund's palm; Edmund presses his palm against the application]
Script copied from Internet Movie Database (IMDb)