Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Mr Bumpy Sings In the Garden (Tune of In the Jungle)

Image: Mr Bumpy hiding behind long grass
Crouching Kitty, Hidden Feline
In the garden,
suburban garden,
the kitty stalks
today.*

In the garden,
suburban garden,
the kitty stalks
today.

Owwwww meeeeoowwww owww owww owww
Owwwww meeeeowwwww owww owww owww

dog run away
dog run away
dog run away 
dog run away


Image: Mr Bumpy stepping over some rocks in the garden
Investigating the rocks


Owwwww meeeeoowwww owww owww owww
Owwwww meeeeowwwww owww owww owww

Hush my doggy, 
don't cry my doggy,
you're being pounced 
today.

Hush my doggy,
don't cry my doggy,
you're being pounced
today.

Owwwww meeeeoowwww owww owww owww
Owwwww meeeeowwwww owww owww owww




dog run away
dog run away
dog run away 
dog run away
Image: Mr Bumpy in a tree
Higher Vantage Point

Owwwww meeeeoowwww owww owww owww
Owwwww meeeeowwwww owww owww owww

In the garden
suburban garden 
the kitty stalks 
today

In the garden
suburban garden 
the kitty stalks 
today.

Owwwww meeeeoowwww owww owww owww
Owwwww meeeeowwwww owww owww owww



*today, because the humans won't let me out in the garden at night! (In the night I can only go out to the fortress or stay in the house.)

Friday, 26 July 2013

Mr Bumpy Sings (Tune of You Are My Sunshine)

Image: Mr Bumpy rolling on a concrete path in the sunshine.

I love my sunshine
my nice warm sunshine
it makes me happy 
on winter days.
You'll never know how
happy it makes me
To roll in  the 
sunshine today.





Image: Mr Bumpy rolling on a concrete path in the sunshine.



Purr purr purr sun purr
purr purr purr sun purr
purr purr purr happy
purr purr purr
Purr purr purr happy
to roll in purr
oh sunshine purr purr

Image: Mr Bumpy rolling on a concrete path in the sunshine





Oh yes that sunshine 
that nice warm sunshine
it makes me happy
and makes me purr
I've forgotten
what I was singing
I'll just have 
a nap now purr purr.


Monday, 22 July 2013

Is it Dinnertime Yet?

Mr Bumpy: Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum, MUM, MUM!!!!!!!!

Mr Woof (with pleading eyes): Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum, MUMUMUMUMUMUM!!!!

Mum: What's wrong with you two?

Mr Bumpy: It's dinnertime. Mum Mum MUM MUM

Mr Woof: I'm starving.  MUMUMUMUM

Mum: It's not dinnertime for another hour.

Mr Bumpy: MUMUMUMUMUM We can't wait!

Mr Woof: I'll die if I have to wait another hour! MUMUMUMUMUMUM!!!!!

Mum: There's Friskies and Good-os in the dry food dishes, neither of you is starving.

Mr Bumpy: MUMUMUMUMUM (bite) MUMUMUMUM I'M HUNGRYYYYYYY!!!!! I NEEEEEEEED MY STINKY FISH!!!! NNNNNYYYYYOOOOOOWWWWWWW!

Mr Woof: (crying, whimpering, pleading eyes) MUMUMUMUMUMUMUMUM!!!!!!  HOW CAN YOU BE SO RRRRRRUFF WITH A DISABLED OLD DOG?

Image: Mr Woof and Mr Bumpy eating their canned food.
Success!

Mr Bumpy: Well, that worked.

Mr Woof: But we might get hungry later.

Mr Bumpy: It's OK. The humans will be having dinner later.

Mr Woof:  I'll get ready for my pleading.

Saturday, 20 July 2013

Pupparazzi Pics

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

The pupparazzi have been at it again.

I know it comes from being an A-lister.

"You're not an A-lister, you're on a list. The list Captain Worm-Sparrow's human keeps of Twitter animals in Australia and New Zealand." - Mr Woof.

So please, allow me to explain the pictures you may have seen floating around the internet.

Mr Bumpy, looking in through the security screen on a window.

I was not being a creepy peeping tom-cat.

I was.....

"You were what?" - Mr Woof.

Well, er, that's an Official Feline Secret, and of course, as you know, I am not at liberty to divulge Official Feline Secrets.

"Twit!" - Fang Budgie.

So I can't tell you what I was doing, but rest assured, it was in no way creepy or strange. And there was a perfectly good explanation.



image: Mr Bumpy, sitting blocking the kitchen cupboard door. Empty food bowls are in front of him, and the cupboard contains animal food.And in this picture, well, yes, I was sitting and blocking the cupboard door so it could not be closed.

As you can see, however, this was the cupboard where the Friskies and stinky fish are stored, and my bowls were empty.

I was not being an obstructionist nuisance as the tabloids are making out. This was a legitimate protest at the emptiness of my food bowls, which ought to always contain food.

"It wasn't meal time, Bumps." - Mr Woof.

Any time a cat wants to eat is meal time, and Mr Woof, you can keep your cold wet nose out of it.

Anyway, as I was saying, just because the pupparazzi snaps a picture, doesn't mean the picture tells the whole story.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

A much maligned,
Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Feline Pawty Prime Minispurrial Candidate.

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Mr Bumpy Recites "The Feline Pimpernel"

Image: Mr Bumpy hiding behind a curtain.

They seek him here.
They seek him there.
Those humans seek him everywhere.

Is he inside?
Is he outside?
That handsome cat knows how to hide!

Monday, 15 July 2013

A Disappointing #Caturday

Image: Mr Bumpy sitting on a chair, at the dining table, with a cup of coffee in front of him.
"I didn't just sit politely on the chair, I jumped up on to the
table, I was just so excited." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I don't know if you realise it, but some time ago, the Internet changed the name of Saturday to #Caturday.  (It's usually spelled with the hash symbol, just like that.)

#Caturday wasn't just a new name for the day, but a new purpose.  It's the day of the week when humans, especially humans who live on the Internet, celebrate all things cat. (Or should that be #cat?)

Well, my humans tend to live on the Internet, so they should know this vital piece of information. (My #humans tend to live on the #Internet...)

So on #Caturday, just gone, when Mum baked a cake, and put a nice white cloth on the table, and started putting out plates and things, I thought she was doing a special afternoon tea in my honour.  After all, it was #Caturday.

Mr 19 made coffee and hot chocolate, and he and Mum sat down at the table.

Oh, I thought, they've forgotten the guest of honour.

I must admit, I did get a little excited over the whole thing.  I didn't just politely sit on the chair, I leapt right on to the table.

And there I was, in the middle of the table, on the nice white table cloth, between glass dishes of cake and home-made fudge, when I realised something was terribly wrong.

When the humans said, "Bumpy!" in a disapproving tone, there were three human voices when I expected two.

There was an extra human at the table.

It was one of small ones from the human family who live in our roof.  A human I didn't invite was at my #Caturday afternoon tea.

I froze in shock for a moment, looking at the extra human at my afternoon tea.

Then I showed my disapproval, I turned and ran outside.

You can't celebrate #Caturday without the cat, can you?  That would teach them for inviting someone I didn't ask for.

Hanging around outside, I heard Mum and Mr 19 saying, "Happy Birthday."  A bit later the small human left to go back up to the roof, carrying a present.

I went back inside, because now that the person I didn't invite was gone, we could celebrate #Caturday properly.  But the afternoon tea things had been put away and Mum was doing dishes.  Mr 19 was playing a computer game.  No-one seemed to want to celebrate #Caturday any more.

All in all, it was a very disappointing #Caturday.

This kind of thing never happened when we had Saturdays.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Image: Mr Bumpy's paw with his name written across it.


Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Feline Pawty Prime Minispurrial Candidate.



Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Illogical

Image: Mr Woof and Mr Bumpy, asleep in the big bed.
"There's plenty of room." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I once watched a show on TV with Mr 19, that I thought was quite good.

It was about a man who had pointy ears (maybe he was part cat), who liked things to be logical and make sense.

He had a problem, though, because he lived with humans, who are never logical and don't make sense.

I understand his problem.  I have to deal with humans every day.  And let me tell you, they are not logical, and they just don't make sense.

Last night, for example, Mum, Mr Woof and I were all in the bed, when Mum said: "I can't believe how much of the bed two hairy little bodies take."

I was shocked. How much of the bed we take up?

She went on to say: "I would like to be able to roll over without squashing someone."

Well, here's the truth, isn't it?

Mum is a huge creature.  When she flails around with all the grace of a beached whale, trying to get comfortable, yes, smaller family members who may happen to be pressed into either side of her do get squashed.

But is it logical to say that our small hairy bodies are taking up too much of the bed?

Who is squashing who here? Does anyone get squashed when Mr Woof or I move in our sleep?

Logically, the one who is too big, and taking up too much of the bed, is Mum.  Maybe she should go and sleep on the couch.  There's plenty of room when she's not here.

"Mum's going to the couch? Wait for me." - Mr Woof.

"Hey, guys, don't leave me alone here." - Mr Bumpy.

As I was saying, humans just make no sense at all. They're completely illogical.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,
Image: Mr Bumpy's paw with his name written across it.


Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Feline Pawty Prime Minispurrial Candidate.

Monday, 8 July 2013

Caption This

OK Minions, just for something completely different.....  let's have a caption competition....  there's no prize, just for the fun of seeing everyone's creativity.

Look at the picture of Mr Woof and me, and then write your caption idea in the comments below.


Monday, 1 July 2013

The Art of Puking

Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I want to give you some tips on effective puking.

Firstly the hows:

  • I used to do very well with the hairball puke, before I trained Mr 19 to give me daily brushies. Now I don't really have enough loose hair.  But if you don't get brushies every day,  your regular grooming should be enough to give you a good hairball (especially if you're a long hair.)
  • My current favourite is to gulp down my friskies or stinky fish so fast it just comes up again. This is good, but it means moving quickly to get to a good spot for an effective puke.  That leads me to the more important question, the one this post is mostly about, the wheres of a really effective puke.

The highest point possible is really good.  Bonus points if you can be above something really valuable.    One of my best was over a set of $150-a-volume books from Mum's professional library (when she was still working.)

"The highest point possible is really good." - Mr Bumpy.

On something that is almost impossible to clean is also really good.  Once, I managed to just cover Mum's bedspread with puke.  It was a really big bedspread.  She could barely pick it up, and there was no way it would fit in the washing machine.  She tried taking it to a dry cleaner, but they said they would only take it if she cleaned the cat puke off it first.  She ended up throwing it out.  

I think that was an exemplary cat puke.

Another good place is somewhere they won't find it for a few days.

You could try for under beds, or behind the curtains, or in a cupboard if you can get into one.  

A variation of that is the places the humans have trouble getting to, but cats can reach just fine, like that little space behind the washing machine.

You can always go for maximising inconvenience.

For example, if your human puts their clean clothes out on the bed before getting dressed, that's a good target, or you could try the dog's bed just as he's about to be tucked in for the night. (If you've got a sooky old dog who expects to be tucked in for the night.)  Right in the doorway the humans are going to walk through in the dark or carrying something so they don't see until they step in it is good, too.

Places not to bother (because they're just too easy for the humans to clean up) are outside, in the shower, or on tiled floors.  At the bare minimum, you need to aim for carpet.

I hope you've learned something from this.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat,
Supreme Feline Overlord
Feline Pawty Prime Minispurrial Candidate.