Sunday, 31 January 2016

Percy and the No Good, Very Bad Day

To Whom it May Concern,

Something absolutely must be done about Mr Bumpy Cat's behaviour.

The other day, he cornered me while I was ahem, "on the throne", and would not let me leave.

I was stuck inside a covered litter box, unable to leave without being assaulted.  I have no idea what I would have done if Miss Fantasia hadn't heard my calls for help, barrelled into the bathroom and knocked my antagonist over, thereby distracting him while I made my escape.

I did not escape unscathed, however.  Something unmentionable was in my tail as a result of my ordeal.

The servants, declaring me "smelly", bathed me yet again! Yes, you heard that right, because of Bumpy's actions, I was bathed! Mr Bumpy, however, was not punished in any way.

If this day had not been traumatic enough, I repeatedly requested dinner, to be told, "It's not dinner time."

Now, I ask you, how reasonable is it that there only be one "dinner time" in a day, while there are at least 20 "not dinner times"? In a fair and reasonable world, there should surely be at least an equal number of "dinner times" and "not dinner times".

I therefore demand some action on the matters of servants with access to water and shampoo, and of the disparity between "dinner times" and "not dinner times".  But most importantly, I absolutely insist, that some appropriate action be taken about the behaviour of my nemesis Mr Bumpy Cat.

Yours Sincerely
Sir Percival Yowling-Feline
I was bathed!

Sunday, 24 January 2016

Furry Tail Princess

Princess Fanta showed the shoe to everyone she met.
Hello Everyone,

I've got a Furry Tail (that's a kind of story, with princesses)  to tell you.  Are you comfortable?  Good. Here's the story.

Once upon a time there were two princesses, who loved to play together. They were very best friends.

One day, Princess Fantasia found that Princess Johanna had gone away.

But Princess Johanna had left behind a shoe.

Princess Fantasia picked up the golden shoe and carried it with her.  She travelled far and wide, through the whole house, asking everyone she met if they had seen the princess who owned the shoe.

Princess Fantasia's catty brothers, especially the black and white one, were mean to her and teased her about carrying the shoe everywhere, but she was a brave princess and kept going on her quest.

And then at last. Um wait a moment.  ... Mum! When's Joey coming home?

Tonight. - Mum.

And then at last, after a whole day, Princess Fantasia found Princess Johanna and gave her back her shoe.  Then they played together and lived happily ever after.

The end.

Wasn't that a great Furry Tail?  That should be in a book, then Mum could read it to Joey and me.

I'm off to wait for my friend. Have a nice day.

Licks and tail wags,
Miss Fantasia Dog.
(You can call me Fanta.)

Monday, 18 January 2016

Sewing Project

Mum's making some clothes and other things for Joey.

So, of course everyone has to help.

Mr Bumpy Cat sitting on the fabric as it's being cut out.

Mr Bumpy is supervising, as the fabric's cut.  
"Measure twice, cut once," is his sage advice.

Sir Percival finds Mum is making a horrible mess.

Miss Fantasia helps gather up the bits under the table.

It's all cut out, and the scraps cleaned up.

OK Mum, we're ready to help with the sewing.

Related:  For people interested in getting started with sewing or craft there's some great ideas here:

Tuesday, 12 January 2016

Mr Bumpy Demonstrates: How to Knock On the Door

Mr D is on the other side of this door.

Mr Bumpy has been waiting quietly for ages.

Image: Mr Bumpy Cat waiting outside a door.

Then he decides waiting patiently doesn't work.

Monday, 11 January 2016


Image Fanta Dog laying back on the couch.
"I can sit back and relax,
knowing I've made a
difference." - Fanta.
Hello Everyone,

I have a great family.  (Even if one of my catty brothers launches sneak attacks at me sometimes.)

Because my family are (mostly) good to me, I try to be good and helpful for them as well.  I think being helpful shows how much I love them.

I help in lots of ways. Here are some of them.

  • I make sure Mum is awake early enough so that she can hear her alarm.
  • I show Mr D where the food dish is so he knows where to feed us.
  • I help Mum eat cheese. (Percy helps too.  He likes cheese.)
  • I sleep right beside (sometimes on top of) Mum, so she won't ever be afraid of being alone in the dark.
  • I wake Mum to tell her if anyone makes a noise anywhere in the house, or outside on the street, during the night.
  • I help keep the humans fit and entertained by playing chase the ball, and tug of war with the rope toy.
  • I wait at the door for guests, and greet them.  (Mum says I shouldn't jump on people, but I get a little carried away with my greeting duty at times.)
  • I sit with Percy when Bumpy's been mean to him, so he knows he's welcome here.
  • I lie under Bumpy so he's warm and comfortable on cold days.
  • I garden with Mum.  I pick bits off plants, just the way she does. 
  • I clean up the cats' wet food dishes when they're finished.
  • I help the cats eat their dry food, even though I have to climb way up on the cat tower to do it.  I wonder why their dry food is kept way up there?
I'm a very, very helpful dog. That means that at the end of the day, I can lie back and relax, and be proud of myself, knowing I've made a big difference for everyone around me.

Licks and tail wags,
Miss Fantasia Dog.
(Call me Fanta.)

Sunday, 10 January 2016

Some Improvements

Image: Percy wrapped in red tinsel.
"The Christmas decorations were taken down
at the correct time." - Percy.
To Whom it may Concern,

Further from my previous correspondence, I have to report that some elements of my situation have improved, although it is still far from perfect.

I have to concede that the servants are attempting to improve the quality of their work.  At my insistence they have increased the frequency of litter changes. There is now fresh litter every day.  Of course, every time I used it would be more appropriate, but this is still far better than changes on alternate days.

Mum has purchased a specialist comb for my hair, and I am actually finding grooming sessions relatively pleasant, except, of course, for working on my mats.  Mum only works on them until I say I have had enough, and then she allows me to leave, so I still have a number of them, but they are gradually becoming controlled.

Today she said my ears were dirty. I was very much afraid I was to be bathed again, but instead, she gently cleaned my ears with damp wiping cloths.  I am beginning to think she might actually be concerned for my comfort.

Mr D still summons me for my wet food with a bell, but I have become used to it, and he does keep my dry food topped up at all times, so I am not actually hungry.

I was also pleased to note that the Christmas decorations were not removed until Epiphany.  As I'm sure you realise, I approve of things being done properly.

Fanta, although still overly enthusiastic about everything, has proven to be a far more charming companion than I at first realised.  We often share the couch or the big bed.  Sometimes we even allow Mum to share with us.  We would invite Bumpy, but he is still particularly nasty.

Bumpy still launches sneak attacks, hiding around corners and leaping out to attack. He also likes to attack from above, and will wait on the floor of the cat tower above the floor with the food. When I go to eat my dry food, claws suddenly grab me from above.

Fanta has been here a year, and Bumpy still launches such attacks on her, so it may be that his insanity has progressed so far that there is no hope for improvement.

Apart from Bumpy's odd behaviour, I still have one major issue with living here.  The servants still have a strange reaction to my claw sharpening behaviour.  For some reason, the servants believe that I ought to scratch the posts on the cat tower or on a scratching box Mum bought for me.  I don't see the need for these things, when there is a perfectly good couch I can scratch.  I have tried to explain this numerous times, but the servants still act as if the world is ending when I sharpen my claws.

I can see I still have a great deal of work ahead of me in training my servants.  But as it appears I will not be released from this place in the near future, I have time to train them really well.

Yours sincerely,
Sir Percival Yowling-Feline

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Putting My Paw Down

"I'm putting my paw down." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

It's come to my attention that 2016 has begun.

For this year, I'm creating a new rule for Mum, and I'm going to put my paw down very firmly on this.

Listen very carefully, Mum: Do not bring any more animals home, in fact don't even look at pictures of homeless animals online.

In 2014 Mum looked at the AWLQ's website.  Then she took the other humans to the shelter and they came back with Fanta.

In 2015 Mum looked at a post on Facebook, and then she took Miss C and Mr D to a foster carer's home and came back with Percy.

Well that is it.

Do not bring any more animals back to my home. None.  Not one.

I know animals shouldn't be homeless, but they can all go to someone else's home now.  Mine's full.

No more cats, or dogs.  No horses, cattle, sheep or goats.

How about chickens? Mum likes chickens. - Fanta.

No chickens.  No camels, or hyenas, or elephants.

What about ducks? Joey loves ducks. - Fanta.

No ducks! No donkeys, or crocodiles, or lizards or worms.

We already have worms.  They live in a big container outside and get the fruit and vegetable scraps. - Fanta.

All right, but no more worms!  No more anything.

When I went to Best Friends yesterday, they had a kitten who looked just like you only smaller.  It came over to me and spoke to me through the cage.  Wouldn't you like a kitten who looked just like a mini-Bumpy? - Fanta.

No, absolutely no more cats, even if they are very handsome and look like me.

Just no more animals in my home!

I am the Supreme Feline Overlord and I will be obeyed! 

Bumpy seems a little agitated. - Percy.

I see steam coming out of his ears. - Fanta.

Clearly he's fried what little brain he had. - Percy.

Poor Bumpy. - Fanta.

In case anyone misunderstood.  There will be no new animals in my home in 2016. None.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Tuesday, 5 January 2016


Image: Percy and Fanta sharing the couch.
The dog and the furball are getting favoured treatment.
- Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I believe I am the victim of discrimination, in my own home.

Fanta had a wonderful special treat today, and I didn't.  The furball even got a present today.

Let me wind back.  Fanta went to the beauty parlour again today, to get her nails trimmed.

When she got home she told me she had hugs from the people who worked there and a nice lady gave her treats and Mum bought her a present for being a "brave girl".

Well really.  Why does she get all that when I don't?

OK, I don't like to go in the car, and I don't want my nails trimmed, but I do like attention and treats and presents.  Why couldn't Mum and Mr D bring the beauty parlour to me so I could have the good bits of it?

And why did the furball get a present and I didn't?

Oh wait, what? Percy's present is a detangling comb?  Oh, well, then, this should be entertaining.

On second thoughts, I don't want a present like Percy's.

But why does Fanta get all the special attention? Why?

You know she gets to go outside too, don't you?  I'm not allowed to go outside at all any more, but Fanta says, "I need to go outside," and Mum just drops everything and takes her.  It's totally unfair.

I'm sure you'll agree with me that this is all totally outrageous.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Who did not go to the beauty parlour and get extra treats and presents.