Percy and the No Good, Very Bad Day

To Whom it May Concern,

Something absolutely must be done about Mr Bumpy Cat's behaviour.

The other day, he cornered me while I was ahem, "on the throne", and would not let me leave.

I was stuck inside a covered litter box, unable to leave without being assaulted.  I have no idea what I would have done if Miss Fantasia hadn't heard my calls for help, barrelled into the bathroom and knocked my antagonist over, thereby distracting him while I made my escape.

I did not escape unscathed, however.  Something unmentionable was in my tail as a result of my ordeal.

The servants, declaring me "smelly", bathed me yet again! Yes, you heard that right, because of Bumpy's actions, I was bathed! Mr Bumpy, however, was not punished in any way.

If this day had not been traumatic enough, I repeatedly requested dinner, to be told, "It's not dinner time."

Now, I ask you, how reasonable is it that there only be one "dinner time" in a day, while there are at least 20 "not dinner times"? In a fair and reasonable world, there should surely be at least an equal number of "dinner times" and "not dinner times".

I therefore demand some action on the matters of servants with access to water and shampoo, and of the disparity between "dinner times" and "not dinner times".  But most importantly, I absolutely insist, that some appropriate action be taken about the behaviour of my nemesis Mr Bumpy Cat.

Yours Sincerely
Sir Percival Yowling-Feline

I was bathed!