Wednesday, 25 May 2016

All Your Cat Questions Answered

It's come to my attention that there are humans
 reading my blog. - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

It's come to my attention that there are humans reading my blog, and that they have some questions about feline behaviour.

Of course, it's really no surprise that the inferior species would wonder about us.

So, for the sake of the human readers, here are the answers to all the questions asked about cats.

Q. Why do I throw everything off the dressing table?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I bring dead things inside?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do you cuddle up to the dog when it's cold and then attack me at other times? - Fanta.

A. Because I'm a cat.  And I'm answering the questions humans might ask, not your questions.

Q. Would I really eat you if you died?

A. Yes, I would.  In fact, I'll practice by having a little bite or two now. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I demand to be fed when I already have a bowl three-quarters full of food?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I bolt down too much food too fast when I know I'll just puke it up when I do that?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why did you pee in all the litter trays as soon as they were changed, again? - Percy.

A.  Because I'm a cat, and I'm not supposed to be answering your questions, furball.

Q. Why do I always want to be on the other side of any door?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I wake you up in the middle of the night, and demand that you stroke me?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I smooch you and smooch you, and then suddenly stick my claws in and bite?

A. Because I'm a cat.  Cats are total jerks.

Wait, I'm not a total jerk! - Percy.

What about clawing the furniture when there's perfectly serviceable scratching posts provided? Not even I do that.

Oh, that. - Percy.

As I was saying. Cats are total jerks.  Except the furball, he's just a partial jerk. He's also not much of a cat.

Until next time we meet in the Blogosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
And Proudly a Total Jerk.

Thursday, 12 May 2016

A Frayed Percy

Image: Percy and Fanta lying on the bed. Text: Percy and I were lying on the bed together - FantaHello Everybody,

I've noticed that when Mum sews, she goes around all the cut out pieces with the overlocker before she starts sewing them together. She says it stops the fabric coming apart (she calls that "fraying"), and she also says it helps make the whole garment look neat and professional.

Well something happened that's made me worry about Percy.  Percy and I were lying on the bed together, but when I got up, I had fluffy bits of Percy stuck on me.  Percy's coming apart!

I told Mum, Percy's fraying, and he doesn't look neat and professional. You need to put him in the overlocker quickly!

Mum said Percy was OK, and that he was just changing from his summer coat to his winter coat because the weather's starting to cool down.  Then she said I do the same, but it's not as noticeable because my hair's much shorter.

I hadn't realised I was changing my hair coat! I have nice warm jackets when I get cold, and I get under blankets,  I didn't know my actual hair coat changed too.

Anyway, it's really good to know Percy's not actually fraying.  I was very worried about him.

Thinking about sewing things, Mum and Miss C were talking about a dress Mum's making for Miss C, and Joey said, "And me too?"

Mum said, "Yes, I'll make a dress for you too."

Then Joey said (because she's my very best friend in the whole world), "And Fanta?"

Mum said, "I don't think Fanta would feel comfortable in a dress, I'll make her a new scarf."

Really! That's what happened!  I'm getting a new scarf!  I'm so excited!  Of course, when I pulled all of my scarves out of the shelf the other day, Mum said I had to choose just one, because I can only wear one at a time,  and it was really hard to decide. So when I get my new one, it's going to be even harder to choose. Of course, if Joey's wearing a dress that matches one of my scarves, I'll know exactly which one to choose, because we're very best friends.

So Percy's not broken, and I'm getting a new scarf.  It's all good news.

Licks and tail wags,
Miss Fantasia Dog
(Call me Fanta).

Friday, 6 May 2016

Litter Wars: Feeling Sorry for the Aggressor

"Ah Mum, the animal door's shut again. Why can't
I go out?" - Mr Bumpy. 
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Well, I've won the litter wars.  But, given that the prize turned out to be a visit to the vet, a needle, and medicine,  I'm starting to think Percy should have won.

Since my last post, I upped the ante a bit.  Yes, I know, you're amazed.  Where could I go from weeing in Mum's handbag?

I started spraying.  Yes, I'm a desexed, adult cat, who has never done that before.  But I sprayed everything and everyone; furniture, Mum, Fanta, furniture, walls, clothes, Mum again.

Mr D suggested maybe I needed kitty prozac.  (Purrzac?)

Mum not only let me go outside, she threw me out a couple of times. (I win, I win, I win!)

Mum tried to compete.  She got a spray bottle and filled it with disinfectant and odour stopper stuff, and sprayed the whole house, but I sprayed more than she did.

Then I sprayed a cupboard door and Mr D noticed that the wee was red.

That's when the trip to the vet happened.  The vet did the thermometer you-know-where, felt my tummy, listened to my chest, and told Mum and Mr D I had cystitis.

Mum and Mr D were both very sorry for calling me bad, gross, disgusting, and a total jerk.

The vet gave me a needle of antibiotic - one that's supposed to last two weeks from one needle.  Then she gave Mum pain medicine to give me before dinner every  night.

I don't like needles.  I don't like taking medicine.

But I do rather like feeling better.  I stopped spraying.  Well, not quite.  I gave Mum one really good last spray. She was suitably horrified, and ran to stand under the water sprayer thing in the bathroom. (I win, I win, I win!)

I'm back to weeing only in the litter trays.  But I'm still using all three as soon as they're changed, just so Percy knows who's boss.

For some reason, Mum's stopped letting me out again. (I....lose...? Why...?)

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
Stuck Inside Again.

PS.  I know I don't often acknowledge the other animals for doing anything awesome, because, well, they usually don't.  But this is just too good to not tell you.  Are you ready for this?

Mum's been sewing, and of course we always help.  Well Mum went to add the sleeves to the outfit she was making, and found that someone had chewed through half of one of the sleeves she'd cut out.  (I'll leave you to guess who, she's grinning and wagging her tail.)  There wasn't enough fabric to cut out another sleeve, so Mum had to change them from long sleeves to short sleeves.

So high five to my doggy sister.  I wish I'd thought to do that.