Wednesday, 25 May 2016

All Your Cat Questions Answered

It's come to my attention that there are humans
 reading my blog. - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

It's come to my attention that there are humans reading my blog, and that they have some questions about feline behaviour.

Of course, it's really no surprise that the inferior species would wonder about us.

So, for the sake of the human readers, here are the answers to all the questions asked about cats.

Q. Why do I throw everything off the dressing table?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I bring dead things inside?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do you cuddle up to the dog when it's cold and then attack me at other times? - Fanta.

A. Because I'm a cat.  And I'm answering the questions humans might ask, not your questions.

Q. Would I really eat you if you died?

A. Yes, I would.  In fact, I'll practice by having a little bite or two now. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I demand to be fed when I already have a bowl three-quarters full of food?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I bolt down too much food too fast when I know I'll just puke it up when I do that?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why did you pee in all the litter trays as soon as they were changed, again? - Percy.

A.  Because I'm a cat, and I'm not supposed to be answering your questions, furball.

Q. Why do I always want to be on the other side of any door?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I wake you up in the middle of the night, and demand that you stroke me?

A. Because I'm a cat.

Q. Why do I smooch you and smooch you, and then suddenly stick my claws in and bite?

A. Because I'm a cat.  Cats are total jerks.

Wait, I'm not a total jerk! - Percy.

What about clawing the furniture when there's perfectly serviceable scratching posts provided? Not even I do that.

Oh, that. - Percy.

As I was saying. Cats are total jerks.  Except the furball, he's just a partial jerk. He's also not much of a cat.

Until next time we meet in the Blogosphere,
I remain,


Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat,
Supreme Feline Overlord,
And Proudly a Total Jerk.

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