Monday, 3 April 2017

Mr Bumpy's Rough Night

"I'm an utterly exhausted overlord." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

I'm an utterly exhausted overlord this morning, and it's all Mum's fault. Well, Mum's and the furball's and the dumb dog's.

What did this terrible trio do to me you want to know?  Let me tell you.

I went to bed last night.

Mum, Fanta, and Percy were all in bed already and asleep.

Naturally I patted Mum's face with my paw until she woke up, so that she would know the most important animal had arrived.

Then I nudged her until she rolled on to her back, so I could get settled. I assumed the sphinx position on her middle, with my tail end tucked comfortably under her chin.

Mum said something like, "Seriously, Bumps?"

I snuggled down and tucked in my paws.

Then Mum did the unthinkable.  She stroked me when I didn't feel like being stroked!

Well, of course, I bit her.

She called me a jerk.

Well, you know I would never take that kind of disrespect, so I launched off her middle and jumped to the dressing table, where I started to knock her special human things on the floor. Hair brush - pawswipe - gone. Perfume - pawswipe - gone.  Pearl necklace - pawswipe - oh what!

Suddenly Mum picked me up, deposited me outside the room and closed the door firmly behind me.

So there I was, with absolutely nowhere to sleep for the night. Well, except for the couches, the floor, the spare bedroom, the fabric cut out on the sewing table...  But I was shut out of the bedroom, and I couldn't sleep on my bed.

Why? I ask you why would she do that?  Why would she shut me out, but leave Fanta and Percy sleeping peacefully in the bed?  I am being treated most unfairly.  It's ageism, just because I'm the oldest animal.  It's awesomeism, because I'm the most awesome animal. It's just ... just  ... just... It's completely unjust!  I am the victim of discrimination!

I am going to make a complaint about this to the highest authority.  Oh wait, I am the highest authority.  I'm the Supreme Feline Overlord.

I have to impose the punishment.  You just wait until you go out today, Mum.  When you get back there will be nothing on your dressing table, your sewing table, or your writing desk.  That will teach you a lesson.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,

Mr Bumpy,
Exhausted Supreme Feline Overlord.

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