Friday, 9 August 2019

Late Night Cataclysms

"I would never do anything to upset the humans." - Mr Bumpy.
Hello out there in the Bloggosphere,

Do you know what annoys Mum more than anything?  It's being suddenly woken up when from a really deep sleep. She jumps up, and then looks around her in an unfocussed way as if she can't work out where she is or what's going on.

Of course, I would never do anything to upset the humans - much.

Excellent ways I've found to wake Mum up in the middle of the night include these:


  • Knocking her things off the dressing table noisily.
  • Biting Fanta's ear, so Fanta yelps and jumps up and wakes up Mum who sleeps beside her. Fanta's ears are her most vulnerable part - they're thin enough to get my mouth around.
  • Catching Princess, knocking her on her back and trying to rip her throat out.  When Mum hears the ruckus, she comes running out of the room yelling, "Bumpy get off her!"  The only real downside of this is getting my mouth full of fluff. Spitting out fluff is really hard.
  • Leaping on Mum from a great height - there's a couple of pieces of furniture in the bedroom that are suitable launchpads.
  • Puking loudly anywhere in the house, but right on Mum's bed is the most effective.
  • After Mum throws me out of the bedroom and closes the door, knocking constantly on the door to be let back in.
I was not responsible for the recent late night event that brought the most impressive response from Mum that I have ever seen.

Mum and Fanta are both a tad chubby. In fact Mum's doctor tells her to lose weight, and the vet tells Fanta to lose weight.  Together they are very heavy.  Mum didn't have a lot of  money when she bought the bed, so it was a cheap one, and the other night, it broke. 

You should have seen Mum jump up! She was very anxious to make sure her guitar (which was kept under the bed) was safe, and that none of us were under the bed.  Then she fumbled around the house for a while like she had no idea what to do next, before she eventually made up the spare bed in the art studio. Meanwhile, Princess took over the bed that was lying at a strange angle and settled down to a nice sleep on the slope.

Apparently there's a new bed coming, but for now Mum and Fanta are sleeping on the mattress on the floor.  You know what that means?  It's a bigger leap and a bigger landing when I leap on to Mum from a great height.

Until next time we meet in the Bloggosphere,
I remain,


Mr Bumpy,
Bloggercat,
Supreme Feline Overlord.

Friday, 12 July 2019

Scary and Dangerous Dog

Hello Everyone!

I heard something strange today.

I heard that the RSPCA has had to try to teach people that Staffies (Staffordshire Bull Terriers) like me are not scary and dangerous dogs.  Some people think that we are.

Well do you know what? I am a scary and dangerous dog.  Look, here's a picture of me being scary and dangerous on my morning walk today.


Now tell the truth, you've never seen anything more scary and dangerous in your life, have you? (If it was as cold on your morning walk as it was on mine, you'd have worn a pink puffy jacket, too.)

Here's another picture of me being scary and dangerous.


OK, maybe I'm more scary and tired there.

How about this one? 


Yeah, you're scared now.  I know you're scared.




I know.  If you were a hotdog you're just shaking with fear.


And when I play dressups with my friend...


...we have terrifying tea parties.

Here's the ultimate.  This one will scare  your socks off.




That's right.  I'm the kind of dog who hangs out with crocodiles.

So now you know.  I'm a seriously scary and dangerous dog.  

I'm not just an oversized lap dog at all.



You've been warned. Now you know you can't go breaking into my home or hurting my humans because I know exactly what I'd do - I'd hide behind Mum.  (Mum's angry voice is the scariest thing on Earth.)

Licks and tail wags,
oh wait. 
I mean grrrrrs and snarls 

Miss Fantasia Seriously Scary Dog
(Call me Fanta.  Want to play?  Throw my squeaky crocodile, I'll fetch.)




Monday, 24 June 2019

Farewell, maybe?

Hello everyone, Mum's got an email about renewing this website name.  It's set to auto-renew - but there's also a link she's supposed to go to for the renewal.  That link doesn't work.

If you can't get this site after a few days, you could still get it on the old name not-to-be-taken-seriously.blogspot.com

Wednesday, 27 February 2019

Princess Gets a Present

Hello,

Guess what the humans got me?  It's so exciting.


Oh, you'll never guess.  



They got me a new box!


When the microwave went "pop" and the humans said things like "oh no", I thought something bad was happening.


But then they went out and got me a new box! 



So it was really a very good thing.  


I've been in and out and all around.  It's a great box from every direction.


I hope your microwave goes "pop" too!

Princess Purrs

Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Don't Close the Door!

If I stay right in the doorway, you can't close
it - Princess.
Hello,

My humans are really funny about doors.  They keep closing them. It's really silly.  They have a perfect way to get from one room to the other, and they close it.

This morning I saw Mum was closing the bedroom door.  I went running, but got there just after the door closed.

I yowled and pawed at the door and Mum opened it and asked if I wanted to come in.

Of course I wanted to come in!

I came inside the bedroom, but then Mum closed the door again!

I yowled and pawed at the door.

Mum opened it, and I started to go out, but stopped halfway.  That would stop her, I thought.

Instead she pushed me a bit further and closed the door behind me.

I yowled and pawed at the door, and I yowled and reached under the door.  Mum said I could wait until she got dressed for the day.  I wouldn't have had to wait if she'd just left the door alone.

In the end I had to wait forever: at least two minutes, probably three, maybe even four, before she opened the door again.

Seriously, do I look naive? - Princess
The whole time I was yowling and reaching under the door, and pawing at the door and Mum cruelly ignored me.

That's not the only door I have trouble with.  There are doors to the world at both ends of my house, and Mum won't let me go through them. Sometimes she puts me in my box to go visit the vet, but she won't ever let me walk through those doors.  She says I'm too naive and don't understand the dangers of the outside world.

But the humans go through those doors.  Fanta goes through those doors. One of them she can only go through with her lead on, but she still goes through both of those doors.  Bumpy goes through the doors, because he pees on the humans and bites them and things like that if they don't let him do just whatever he likes.

So I'm the only one who can't go through the doors to the world.  That's really unfair!

Anyway, now I'm going to go and sit in the middle of the bedroom doorway, in case Mum thinks she's going to close that door again.

Princess Purrs

Sunday, 10 February 2019

Princess is One

Hello
Princess kitten is a year old.

Guess what?  I had a purrthday!  I really did!  Little Miss J asked Mum what to do for my purrthday, and Mum said, "Why not give her extra special birthday hugs?"

So then all the humans gave me extra special purrthday hugs.

Of course, I get hugs on ordinary days too, but these were extra special purrthday hugs.

I love purrthday hugs.  I love all kinds of hugs.

So after my purrthday, I'm one year old!  That means I'm not a kitten anymore, I'm a grown up cat.  (Although Mr D says he read somewhere that rag doll cats keep growing for four years, and our colours keep developing for four years.  So even though I'm grown-up now, I might still get bigger.)

Do you know that Mum wrote a poem about me growing up?  It's in her Poetic Pets book.

I'll put a copy of the poem at the end of this post.

I hope all your days, and especially your purrthdays, make you want to purr.

Princess Purrs


Kitten to Cat


Once you had a little kitten
she was cute and soft and small.
She slept in a kitten basket,
and played with her little ball.

But something happened to her
as months and  months went by.
Your kitten grew much larger,
and her markings more defined.

And now it is so obvious.
You really should know that:
where you used to have a kitten,
now you have a cat.

She plays and sleeps and acts the same.
It’s really no surprise.
Your cat is just a kitten
of a somewhat greater size.